KillTheSilence Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 I find irony in the fact that rain, the best thing i find in life, ends up in a sewer where the only thing that makes one drop unique is its position; the only thing that it can make a difference in its pack. Where one sees the future, the other sees the past; where one finds the fault in its own ways, the other seeks to find its own ways' fault. where one finds the brightness in change, the other finds the brightness of the change and realizes the beauty that can only be found in the tempting urge to shine it on the rest while sending them to the skies with it. but what if one of the drops finds out that this change is no different from the rest? that these lines they follow lead to a place they've already crossed? where one found the path to the future, the other found the fault of the future: it was a mirror of the past. when one way seems forward, the other seems irrelevant; when the irrelevant was ignored, it posed a threat to the forward. this is no different than any inward spiral of a troubled mind; always thinking itself is the change to make but not realizing the fault is in the trouble and not the mind. Link to comment
Steven1607307306 Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 I really like it. Seems freeverse is lost among poets today, although I love it. Haven't found the courage to post one yet, hard to come by good ones. Got me thinking very deep about life and decisions we face throughout it. How long before it's finished? Link to comment
yeawutever Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 Great lyrics I guess!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
KillTheSilence Posted August 9, 2006 Author Share Posted August 9, 2006 finished...hmm.... you know, i usually don't consider finishing a poem this widescale within a week (i edit it with my mind and new ideas come out of nowhere just like the idea for this poem came naturally when i was thinking of rain). it's not a rough draft, but there will definitely be more drafts to come as soon as i have the time for them. i kinda liked it too and i'm glad u agree with me. it's not often i remember good poems like this cause they're too natural for me to get back together sometimes ](*,) u mite wanna subscribe to this cause i'll post the newer drafts instead of editing the main one. Link to comment
KillTheSilence Posted August 9, 2006 Author Share Posted August 9, 2006 Great lyrics I guess!!!!!!!!!!! really? i wish i could get them better. it's hard to express myself straight from myself. it'll get better though. just as soon as i take a shower, think about what i should write, forget it, try to remember it, and end up falling short but with an entirely acceptable way of putting things together (plz read sig). Link to comment
neva_black_n_white Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 smiles. that was really intellegent. im not sure what angle you were going for.. if you wanted it to come accross intellegent. but it had a whole lot of meaning without anything being direct. made me smile. i think it was great. very different, refreshing, and randomly informative at the same time. you have a good message (maybe one for alot of peoples problems.. each different) proud x Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 Great job You did really well! Its different and i like that! Keep up the good work! Link to comment
KillTheSilence Posted August 10, 2006 Author Share Posted August 10, 2006 wow that's really encouraging! thank you! i wish it'd rain soon, but i doubt it in this weather. rain always maked me think straight 4 some reason... anyways, i'm going to bed for now, but i tried to make things more relevant to what i had in mind for this already, so here it is, colorless and a bit more abstract than it should be: I find irony in the drops of rain that end up in a sewer are distinct only in their position; the only real ideosyncrasy that defines a role in its entourage. Where one drop sees the future, the other sees the past; where one finds the fault in its own ways, the other seeks to find its own ways' fault. the one who finds the brightness in change can be contradicted by the one who found the brightness of the change and realized the beauty of the temptation to shine it on the rest, ever present as the temptation to send them to the skies with it. but what if one of the drops finds out that this change is no different from the rest? that these lines they follow lead to a place they've already crossed? where one found the path to the future, the other found the fault of the future; it was the mirror of a past. when one way seemed forward, the others seemed irrelevant; when the irrelevant was ignored, it traumatized the forward. how different is this from the inward spiral of a troubled mind who was always thinking itself is the change to make but not realizing the fault is in the trouble and not its mind? is there a reason why finding no difference in the drop who found the future and the drop who found the past or the difference in the drop that found the brightness in change whilst another found the brightness of the change should stop the flow of time and resist the temptations of the sky? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 this is really good. after i saw that you weren't even old enough to drive i had to change my "old guys rule" avatar because it didn't seem quite as true anymore. i love the way ENA attracts geniuses of all ages. when i run accross intelligent stuff like this by people of your age, it gives me a bit of hope for the future. keep it up! Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 So good! Very descriptive yet not so much so that it ruined it An awesum poem! Link to comment
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