trust and cigarette smoking

[virgo827]

When I met my boyfriend last July, I was a smoker. He told me he didnt like the fact that I smoked cigarettes, but he liked me as a person so he continued our courtship. About 2 months into our relationship I quit. A week later I found out I was pregnant. After our son was born, he became ill and was hospitalized for 3 days. ( he is okay now )During his hospitalization, I started smoking to relieve my stress. I do not consider myself a "smoker" but I do occasionally "hit" a cigarette. My boyfriend found out and now says that he cannot trust me. He says that I am sneaking to smoke so I must be sneaking to do other things. I have never cheated on him and I am open about everything in our relationship. I didnt reveal to him that I was smoking again because I feared his reaction. He is very upset and insecure now because of this. I dont plan on picking up the habit and I feel he is being unreasonable when he acts insecure. He knows that he can trust me when it comes to infidelity, but he insists that I am "doing other things" because I withheld the fact that I smoke occasionally, mainly when I drink alcohol I smoke but not around him. I feel like he is trying to control me, telling me that I cannot hang with my bestfriend of 15 years because she smokes. I feel like I have everything under control. I havent smoked in 2 weeks but he insists that I have. what should I do??

[Momene]

It may not be a big deal but I can understand his reaction. I've just this afternoon been accussed of doing something and there's a lack of trust in me because of one incident.

[BellaDonna]

He knows that he can trust me when it comes to infidelity, but he insists that I am "doing other things" because I withheld the fact that I smoke occasionally, mainly when I drink alcohol I smoke but not around him. I feel like he is trying to control me, telling me that I cannot hang with my bestfriend of 15 years because she smokes. I feel like I have everything under control. I havent smoked in 2 weeks but he insists that I have. what should I do??

 

Ok, I agree smoking is not the best thing for you. But he also has to realize that only YOU can quit because YOU want to. He can't make you, and he can't use smoking as a way to say you're not a virtuous person. He should also not use it to control you. You should also not have to feel "fearful" of his reaction.

 

The part where you said he's trying to keep you from hanging around with your friend of 15 years really bothers me...What's next? Will you be prohibited from going to the store alone because cigarettes are sold there?

 

He's not treating you like an adult.

 

This issue might be the symptom of a bigger problem. Is he controlling in other ways besides the smoking issue? Has he given you reason in the past to fear his reactions?

 

BellaDonna

[Iceman26]

I agree with BellaDonna. There are bigger issues here than you having the occasional smoke. It sounds like you may have a bit of a control freak on your hands.

[Luck of the Irish]

Did you smoke during your pregnancy at all? Does he think you did?

[virgo827]

thank you all for your inputs. I didnt smoke during my pregancy and he has never accused me of that so I dont think he thinks I did. he doesnt act controlling when it comes to other things. I can basically do as I please. His mother and I are very close. He confided in her his feelings about the situation. She told me he wasnt quite "mad" about the issue, but he just didnt want me to pick up the habit again. He isnt treating me any different as of today, I think he realizes that it was a just a moment of "relapse" and that I am not picking up the habit aagin. I told him I was going over my girlfriends house today. He didnt object. I think he just said that out of anger. I stated, i thank you all for your replies.