Totally Confused and what to do

[iamconfused5302]

Hi there,

 

I have been dating this girl for about 2 months and she still loves her bf and trying to forget about him. Now, she says that she loves me and misses me. Eventually soon she wants to be my gf. I mention it at times to her that i want to have a relationship soon. perhaps i shouldnt have. cause she says it annoys her when i do mention it. She says that if i dont mention it all she will consider on going out with me.

 

Yesterday night, she went ballistic on me because i wouldnt study hard enough on my certification exam. she says that she cares so much for me to pass my test. Then , she says not to talk to her again. I said ok. She starts caling me like 20 times and ignored it cause i didnt feel like hearing her yell at me. I mean i really like her alot, what shall i do.

[iamconfused5302]

she also said that i was suffocating her cause i was needy. so i backed off and didnt call her. so she started to call me alot more. shall i not really call or text her so she can chase me to want me more?

[iamconfused5302]

any suggestions

?

[iamconfused5302]

any suggestions on my problem?

[Dating Coach]

any suggestions

?

 

 

Yeah, but none that I believe you will take. I hope you will, but her bad behavior hasn't convinced you which doesn't give me much hope that I can.

 

The problem isn't that you are needy... at least that's not the biggest problem. Being "together" for two months is plenty of time for you to discuss being "exclusive" and if she's blowing up on you about it, she's being ridiculous-which leads into the real problem.

 

When she's ridiculous like that and insults you, why do you let it slide? SHE'S acting like a child and instead of making sure that she knows that you will not tolerate her disrespectful behavior by standing up for yourself, you instead make it loud and clear that she can treat you like this and get away with it. What that costs you is her respect. She doesn't respect you. Her ACTIONS show this. She's also being very manipulative with the comment: "If you dont mention it at all I will consider on going out with you." She is being 100% manipulative and once again you let it slide. This girl is NOT a good partner and you should have put a stop to it long ago. You shouldn't put up with someone walking all over you, calling you names, and trying to manipulate you... and it's only been a couple of months. She's garbage. Sorry buddy, the problem here is that you're being a pushover.

 

You don't deserve that kind of treatment but you will always be treated like this until you learn to stand up for yourself properly. The proper way to deal with this abuse is to flat out tell her that you will not accept her talking to you like that, and if she is going to then she can leave right now because the relationship is over. If you are such a victim of the situation that you cannot end the relationship due to her disrespect then you will always have an abusive and unhappy relationship. YOU must set the rules as to what you will tolerate, and no one should tolerate this kind of disrespect-especially from a partner.

[iamconfused5302]

thank you so much for the reply and you give really good suggestions. Thank you

[iamconfused5302]

plus, this morning she was so cranky with me cause i asked her if she wanted to go to the beach and wanted to take advantage of it before the summer ends. she goes i have no time i have work in the morning and at night.

-

[Dating Coach]

What are you going to do?

[iamconfused5302]

i would have to stand up for myself and say that I cant take that crap from anyone and no can control my life except for myself.

[Dating Coach]

Right on brother.

[iamconfused5302]

thanks so much and will let you know, what happens?

[iamconfused5302]

also she mentions that i shouldnt get attached cause she doesnt know what the future will hold. one day she says she would like to meet with my family and want to be with me and the next day she says dont' get attached to her because she cant guarantee that we will be going out.

 

Whats with that?

[Dating Coach]

also she mentions that i shouldnt get attached cause she doesnt know what the future will hold. one day she says she would like to meet with my family and want to be with me and the next day she says dont' get attached to her because she cant guarantee that we will be going out.

 

Whats with that?

 

That's a girl with a low interest level in you and whom is trying to keep her options open for a "better" guy to come along. Personally, you shouldn't wait around for someone like this. If a girl I was dating told me this, I would simply end the relationship right there telling her that we should just go our separate ways. I refuse to be used.

[iamconfused5302]

yea , shes the type of girl that says no but really means yes. she says one thing and the next mean something else. i dont get her.

[BlkLagoon]

There's not a lot to "get".... I spent 6 months with a dead end guy who acted much like this girl acts to you.. controlling, manipulative, and disinterested. What are you even hanging in there for? She's wasting your time and draining your energy. You're spending all these thoughts on things that shouldn't be THIS complicated. It's sure easy to do when you're in the situation and really like the person, and want it to work out. But like the other member said, this is someone who should have been willing to be in a relationship by now and has low interest in following through with that. She's giving you these like, ultimatums? Forget that! Next time she tells you to change something about your behavior or what you want, tell her to take a hike. If she calls you 20 more times, how does that mean she's ready to be with you? I think it's time to give her YOUR set of rules. This chick is driving you nuts.

[iamconfused5302]

thank you so much for the reply.

its hard that i like her so much.