BlkLagoon
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I was involved with this guy last year, on and off, but it never went anywhere because he was still getting over a bad breakup (6 yr. relationship where he gave his all). So I ended up meeting someone else and getting into a committed relationship. During this time, the bad breakup guy was starting to heal, and then realized he wanted to try again with me. My relationship lasted 5 months- when it ended, I gave this guy another chance. He had been calling, texting, and emailing me for this chance. The problem is, when he finally got it, guess what? Back to the cold feet!!! Now it's been 4 months of trying again, and very little progress- meaning we are still not in a committed, real relationship. So we had a huge talk about it a couple days ago and agreed taking things slow was ok, and I would be patient, and he would try to compromise a little more. Well, now out of nowhere he tells me he "needs to take some time" and "it will be difficult but it's best right now". Where the hell did that come from?? Anybody understand this? I am fed up.](*,)
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4 months ago I started seeing my boyfriend. We've already grown a lot together, and have a very good relationship. We began as friends, became lovers, made a commitment to be exclusive, and haven't looked back since. The only reservation I sometimes have is the fact that he has herpes. I have educated myself about it, though, and am now willing to make more progress in our sex life. He and I have so much in common, and seem to have the same outlook on life and people. We spend almost every day together. He supports me in everything. So what's the problem? 4 months ago I made a break from a guy I was seeing for about 6 months. He and I never got into a committed relationship, and for the most part it was strictly physical. And this physical relationship was very intense and powerful. Towards the end, an emotional bond began to form, but I gave up on it. It was too difficult to wait and see what would happen. I felt disappointed that he wasn't into it as much as I was. He needed time to heal from a breakup (6 yrs w/ a girl), but I got involved with him anyway. When that ended, there was a lot of bad feelings and uncertainty. Recently he had a change of heart. He knows I've "moved on" but he wants to try again. He wants all the things he never wanted before. And he's been sincere about it. He has expressed he knows I'm the one not available now, so he doesn't know what to do but tell me how he feels. He contacts me often, but I barely reply. He holds on to hope. Here's where I'm at: I still love him. I still think about him. I still cry over what may have been. I also really like my current boyfriend. We didn't start off on the wrong foot. We clicked from the start. But I don't feel like I love him yet. I probably will, but right now... And I can't help but think about the sexual relationships here. My current bf, I can't have it all with. My ex, we did have it all. I'm so confused. Is there anything I can do to help this situation, or will only time tell?
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I wouldn't bother! Unless you're the type of person to dwell over it and let it bother you... doesn't seem worth it.
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Tension of seduction? hahah How long you willing to wait around, mr. patient? Until you meet another girl, who is available and single, becomes your girlfriend, and a patient guy like you asks her out for a drink?
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feel sick to the stomach, she told me something about her past...
BlkLagoon replied to Massari's topic in Relationship Advice
Sounds like you took this as a betrayal, but I don't think you should. It's too bad that she told you something in the beginning that turned out to be untrue, but I think she did that out of wanting to look pure and innocent to you. Heck, if I could get away with that at age 30 I'd tell all guys I was the big V. But really, what she said that it should NOT make a difference in your relationship is true. In fact, why obsess over how and why it happened before you? It happened before you- ok, that's all you need to know. She is all yours now. Don't let it take a dent out of your relationship when all she's done is try and be honest and open with you. I'm sure it was really hard for her to reveal this secret she had, and she never even had to tell you anything! The fact that she did should mean a lot to you. She felt she could take the burden off herself and feel like she wasn't hiding anything anymore. The two of you will probably grow closer because of this. Let her know it's ok, you forgive the fact that she told you something false about her past, and let her be comforted by you. If you react too harshly to this she may feel like she can't open up to you in the future. -
It is really rare to find that person who you spark with, that's for sure. Your friends are so happy because they were able to find it, but I'm sure it didn't come to them right when they expected it or were hoping for it. It's hard to hear people go on about it when you're not in a relationship. I think the only thing that helps is remembering that you WILL meet the right person and be as happy as they are, and the wait will be worth it.
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There's not a lot to "get".... I spent 6 months with a dead end guy who acted much like this girl acts to you.. controlling, manipulative, and disinterested. What are you even hanging in there for? She's wasting your time and draining your energy. You're spending all these thoughts on things that shouldn't be THIS complicated. It's sure easy to do when you're in the situation and really like the person, and want it to work out. But like the other member said, this is someone who should have been willing to be in a relationship by now and has low interest in following through with that. She's giving you these like, ultimatums? Forget that! Next time she tells you to change something about your behavior or what you want, tell her to take a hike. If she calls you 20 more times, how does that mean she's ready to be with you? I think it's time to give her YOUR set of rules. This chick is driving you nuts.
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It's pretty common to have these left-over feelings for an ex, especially at around 2 months. It's enough time to miss someone, and enough time to reflect-- also, I think people tend to block out ALL their emotions for a while, and then suddenly they come flooding back. A guy I was with a couple months ago recently began contacting me like crazy, going through everything in his mind, and trying to get back together with me. He treated me very poorly as well, but you know what? I still felt emotions rise up. I had buried them. But the emotions are ok and normal, and dealing with them when they happen is good. I was upset over the weekend, but now I'm back to feeling fine with everything. I'd never go back to him. I grieve over the loss of someone I was intimate with, that I loved. But he really isn't the reason I felt sorrow-- it was the loss, the pain, the grief revisiting. It will eventually heal.. but before it does, I wouldn't worry too much about the days where you feel it again.
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I think you should take a look at who he is. This is a man who is willing to put a barrier between two sisters. It doesn't matter if you never tell your sister, it is still possible this secret could one day get out. The chance is there, even if it's small. You may not have ever intended to have these feelings, but this man should have ended the relationship with your sister rather than begin cheating on her with you. I can't even imagine how that kind of betrayal would feel, but I'm sure it isn't worth your make out sessions. No one has to tell you you're a "horrible" person, and you aren't. But what you and he are doing, is truly horrible. Sorry! I'm not saying that I could never find myself in any such situation, and who's to say what I would do. But you are coming here looking for advice, and I think reassurance. It sounds like you're going to do the right thing. In order to really clear this entire situation up, though--- you'd have to confess to your sister so she's not stuck in a relationship with this guy. Gain her forgiveness, build back her trust, don't let this guy back in your lives.
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I might not be straight. Can't decide.
BlkLagoon replied to Dudeguy15's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
I really think you should see a psychiatrist so you can have help analyzing these things. A person usually knows when they are gay or not, so I would say if you're confused then you're probably not. I think the OCD is managing to seep into your life in many areas and that's really what you need help with. Until then, what does it matter if you happen to be perhaps bi-sexual, but don't actually practice gay sex? A lot of people are attracted to the same sex, or just body parts of the same sex. That's why porn is so popular! Doesn't mean all of those people are gay. You may become excited by the visual aspect, but I really wouldn't worry that THAT makes you gay. A lot of other things would mean you are, and I really don't think there would be that much confusion. You'd know. -
Ah, see how far "secrets" can get around! What stood out to me here is, why do you think he is "your" guy when he doesn't want anyone to know about the two of you? Honestly, I wouldn't even worry about who knows and why-- I think you should not cater to him because he's acting as if he's ashamed and afraid and I think that's wrong. Let your friend have him! He wants to keep you a secret-- don't you think that's kind of selfish and rude? If I were you, I'd tell everyone (what a he is), and let it go.
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I dont know if what I'm feeling is right...
BlkLagoon replied to djbeasley's topic in Relationship Advice
I think you're normal to feel uncomfortable with that, and I would be bothered by it, too. However, I think it's important to realize that it's more your feeling/reaction that is the problem, and not so much the actual -cause-. If that makes sense. Meaning, from what you've explained, it seems HIGHLY unlikely that anything will actually come of this sexual dream conversation-- if she wanted to be with him, she wouldn't be dating you-- if she thought it was a conversation that was something to hide from you-- you'd never have known about it. So for those reasons, I think you have nothing to ACTUALLY worry about, or even be jealous about. But of course, the feeling is going to be there, and I don't think it would be wrong if you were to express to her how it made you feel, and maybe she'll be more sensitive to that in the future. PS-- OH just saw that you'd replied to everyone earlier and were doing well. I'm going to keep my reply here because I know every little bit of reassurance helps! -
I've been seeing my new boyfriend for a couple of months now. In the first few weeks of dating, we both had an ex to deal with. Both of us had to tell our ex to give up trying because we'd moved on, found someone new, and only wanted a friendship with them. His situation differed in that they had a much longer history together, and she was less willing to give him up in the end. They had a very heated discussion, and she left angry telling him she never wanted to hear from him again. This was ok with him, even though he offered a friendship if she could handle it. They did not talk since then and things were fine. However, he recently had a serious health issue arise and needed surgery. He called everyone, except for her. She did find out, and was concerned, so she contacted him. He told me she called him a couple times leaving a message, then he went ahead and called her back to fill her in. He said that she initially was pissed off that he didn't tell her, and then she "was cool" after that. The problem? My reaction was immediate anger and jealousy, and I felt threatened. I didn't take it out on him, I let it subside and then told him it bothered me. Really, I feel like I have a problem for being so insecure over it. We had a talk before and he assured me he has no desire to be with her ever again, and I didn't need to worry. Accepting that a friendship could come about really worries me, though, even if it shouldn't. I don't like knowing there's a woman who shared a lot with him, still in his life, and emotions could still be up in the air. Any advice on how to overcome this fear would be appreciated. He is open to talking to me about it, but I don't want to beat the issue senseless to where he might feel he can't tell me when or if they've talked again. Thank you!
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I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, who is really great. He's definitely one of the nicest, most considerate guys I've ever gone out with, and I really like him. I'm very physically attracted to him, so we've gotten physical. Things hadn't progressed that far yet physically and last night he explained why. He has herpes. I really do not want to get it and I also don't want to stop our relationship. I realize there are precautions to take, but nothing appears to be 100% fool-proof when it comes to intercourse. This is something I'm not sure I'm willing to not have in a relationship. What would you all do?
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Good point... the difference, to answer your question was that I was trying to "move on" from this BS relationship... and he's just, I guess, not into it enough. He did throw the fact that I tried dating that other guy in my face, so maybe I am getting paid back. Ok- it does help to realize that if it hasn't worked by now, it never will.
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Man that's one thing I don't like about this forum.. hahah.. but you are exactly right of course. Like I said, it was on and off.. on and off... I was seeking new words of assurance. Especially right now that it's REALLY over. But hey, I guess I don't mind feeling stupid on top of that. Thanks.
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I'd been seeing this guy for 5 months. It was filled with a lot of drama. We broke things off a lot, only to get back together within a few days. He told me all along he wasn't ready for commitment, he wasn't emotionally in the place for something serious... but of course, we were intimate and gradually I fell in love with him. So I'm way out there in love land and he was always pushing me away then pulling me back. We recently had a break (of one week) because he met another girl he starting getting really into... just like he did with me the first 2 weeks. She's young and head over heels with him. He never told me about her, I figured it out on my own. He came back to me, without telling me about her, and I figured maybe they were through. He invited me away on a 3 day trip together. I accepted. Then today realized- yep he's still seeing the other girl. He's trying to tell me I'm crazy for being so mad- I told him to get out of my life, the trip was off, etc. He'll continue to manipulate me, though and thinks I am overreacting. Help with me some words to remain strong and not go back to this cylce of pain.... I'm heartbroken and weak to his words.
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I was seeing someone I was really into for 4 months. Last week he called it quits- told me to move on and not wait. The whole relationship was always difficult and full of ups and downs... mainly because he had just come out of a 6 year relationship and was still dealing with that break up. I'm trying to let this go, but it's been very hard. I haven't contacted him for 5 days. Here's what's bothering me. My friend ran into him last night, and he started talking to her about me. He said, "she knows I love her and have deep feelings for her, but I'm so screwed up right now!" I never knew this at all (besides the "screwed up" part). She then told me that later that night she saw him with another girl, and they appeared close and flirty (was not the ex, either). So I have conflicing information..in a way... but I feel so confused. Is there anything I can do at this point, or do I give up hope?
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So I've been involved with a very confused guy since November. He had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship, in which he'd been cheated on, the month before we met. I was worried I was a rebound, but our relationship has slowly progressed. He still won't make anything official, except to say he wanted an exclusive physical relationship. Most of the time we spend together is in the bedroom really. So I've been longing for the day he might feel ready to have something more serious with me. Here's the twist- someone I was interested in long before I met this guy recently expressed major interest in me and we began dating. He is really into me, likes to spend a lot of time with me, and wants something exclusive (not just physically). I've been having a hard time breaking away from the confused guy, though, because of the emotions built up since November. I feel like this new guy has way more potential, though. I've been seeing both guys for a couple weeks now and need to make a decision. My heart, head and libido all say different things! Is there any way to know what's right here?
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I've been involved with a guy for about 6 months- he lives in another country. In the first few months, it was like finding a treasure- we get along amazingly, have tons in common, and attraction is definitely there. We spent 2 weeks together. After the visit, everything was still great and we made more plans. However, as emotions got heavier, he started to back off. He finally just explained to me that he finds the long distance too difficult, but doesn't want to lose me. He suggested we try a friendship- which would still involve visits, lots of communication, support and encouragement. He explained it would be "100 times closer" than an average friendship and hard to do, but he couldn't stand the thought of us just not talking anymore. I, on the other hand, wanted us to keep heading towards the direction we were in. He seems to think one of us would eventually meet someone else who lives in the same city and the other would get hurt. I told him I didn't see how any friendship was now possible after what we've been through. It's like we're at a fork in the road... if I attempted to be "friends", I know my feelings would get in the way. What's the right thing to do? Is there any convincing him to at least try a relationship?
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Thank you! I don't know what will happen.... doesn't feel very good right now, but maybe it wasn't ever meant to be. I paid for the flight because I used to have a boyfriend who lived on the other side of the country and refused to let me ever help him with visiting me... so it limited how much time we spent together. I guess I was worried about that when I offered.
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Unfortunately I did pay for the flight! He was to pay me back when he arrived... so this is another sticky thing in the whole situation. It will be incredibly strange... I'm thinking I should put him up at a friend's house while he's here.
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This guy I've been involved with (no commitments made, but seemed to have promise) for 6 months is coming to visit for the second time, in a few weeks from now. I recently saw that he had some activity this week on a dating service in his own country... sort of testing the waters with a couple of matches on there. I was shocked because we just spoke recently, where I pretty much laid out every concern I had and asked if he could put in more of an effort- he heard me out, apologized for not communicating as much the last month, and I thought it was all patched up. But here he is asking this other person to tell him more about herself.... no idea if it'll go anywhere, but he's supposed to be here soon! Why now!? The flight is not refundable, a friend is coming with him, and we all had plans to do several things that I can't really get out of now. But should I scrap all of it anyway, or just wait and see what happens when he's actually here?
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I'm either being a paranoid, oversensitive chick or I'm right and need to realize it. Help! I met a guy online from another country this past yr, and he came to visit for a couple weeks this summer. It was a great visit, except that he was a little cautious. When he went home, we talked and decided we definitely wanted to continue to see one another and progress. So, in July he decided to come back out here- and he has a flight already to arrive the end of Sept. Only 4 weeks from now. The problem is that I feel like lately he hasn't been keeping up with his communication as much as he used to. It seems to have steadily declined. He went 6 days straight recently w/o contacting me- I rationalized it because we spent a couple hours on the phone prior to that and there were no problems. But it made me very upset! He emailed me, and I didn't respond so he got online and I got my issue off my chest. I told him I know we're not in a committed full-blown "relationship" but that it worried me when he didn't bother to talk to me for 6 days. He went on a last-min. trip and didn't realize he was even gone for very long. But he did apologize. Ok- this was 4 days ago- we talked for a long time after that discussion and things were totally fine. But since then- no contact!! Now, I know he's got a busy life, but really- I feel totally discouraged by this behavior, especially after I told him how I felt. Should I tell him not to even come back to visit? I'm worried this is the beginning of the end if he keeps this up and I don't want to get hurt... any more than I am now anyway.
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I'm going through something similar... and it's very confusing, difficult, and worrisome. I spend hours each day turning the situation over and over in my mind- half of me thinks I should quit, the other half thinks I should keep trying, but to be less available for him. I just don't know. We'd been very flirty over the net for months, then he came out to visit for 2 weeks in June. The visit was mostly great- except for the mixed signals I did get. He explained he was "trying to protect my feelings" as well as his own by suddenly being stand offish after a long talk about the LDR thing. He admitted on his last day here that it had backfired. When he returned home, he was depressed and missed me, and for another month was very communicative with me- going back to the sexual talk, saying next time it would definitely be better, and he'd give in and not think about it so much (the consequences of missing a person more after you're that intimate). He then recently had a week where he was super busy with work, and communication was less than normal. This break in talking as much made me feel strange, even though I knew it was just work, and I opened up to him- explained feelings were developing, and that the distance was getting harder for me.. but not to change anything. He said he understood, and missed me, too... but that he was just taking it day by day. However, I feel that since I opened up he is backing away... maybe I'm paranoid, but that's how I've felt since then. Don't know that it's his work the last few days but communication is still lower... he's set to come back next month for one week. I'm very afraid he is closing off to me, and that the visit will be another mixed signal thing instead of what he said it would be. I don't know if he's scared or what... I know it's not anything to do with how we relate/attraction.