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Has anyone ever went back and it worked???


Riggz41510
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I know for me it didn't work. We only lasted a few months both times. I had trust issues from her leaving me the first two times, I always wondered would she leave me again the next argument, I wondered if the guy/guys she was seeing during the break-up, if they still called her? What was weird was when she broke up with me she would make it always seem like it was because of me, but when she would come back she would say it was all her fault.. It still has me confused to this day????

 

I have heard it all from this girl.. All her promises, all her regrets, all she swore she would do and they never panned out. I wanted to believe in what she said so bad, because that's what I wanted, even though all the evidence pointed to us failing!!

 

Despite all the pain she has put me through I still love that girl from the bottom of my heart. I sometimes fantasize that everything is perfect and we are this big happy family.. I always quickly forget her shortcomings and see her as a innocent person.. Or I see her finding happiness in someone that's not me and it literally makes me feel sick. I can't wait till the day I can no longer imagine us together.

 

Well I kind of got off the topic. So have any of you guys after being dumped, lied to or betrayed got back with the person and things worked out?

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For how long it worked is the golden question. Months, Years, a life?

 

Reading you post twice and thinking about you and her, I like to say firstly that all you can be is a loving healthy partner to your loving healthy partner.

 

You have (trust) issues (about her), she has issues, together which likely are the cause for the failure of your relationship.

 

You answered your question in a way too it's a dream.

 

If you have any (trust) issues affecting a "new" girl, get those fixed. Next time it will work better.

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i thought the same thing at one time about her to. i was engaged to her, i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. but sometimes things happen for the better. what i meen by that is you cant see the forest threw the trees. you can only see it once your out of the forest. at some point in your life you will look back and go thank goodness im not with her anymore and i found so and so there so much better for me. it will happen it just takes time.

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i thought the same thing at one time about her to. i was engaged to her, i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. but sometimes things happen for the better. what i meen by that is you cant see the forest threw the trees. you can only see it once your out of the forest. at some point in your life you will look back and go thank goodness im not with her anymore and i found so and so there so much better for me. it will happen it just takes time.

 

 

And my biggest problem is.... And this is me being completely honest with myself is I don't want her to feel that way about leaving me!! I want her to regret it!!

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What if you don't want any other woman but that one??

 

Most people feel this way after getting dumped by someone they still want. That feeling will pass but you have to be committed to wanting that feeling to go away and allowing it to go away with time. Having feelings for someone, loving, is hard to control but it also needs to be maintained. People keep their feelings alive by the way they think about the person and put them on a pedastal. If you want the feelings to subside, you have to make a committment to it, just as you would make a committment to love and stay with someone, only you are doing the opposite which is far more difficult but by no means impossible.

 

Think of all the peoplew who get married, then divorced then remarried or just enter other committed relationships. Many of them feel the first person they marry is it and they don't want anyone else. And many of them who later are left by those people, eventually find someone else who they think is it.

 

Relationships they tend to end. Most relationships will fail. I'm not being pessimistic here...I don't think that's a bad thing that many many relationships end not in the death of a partner but in a breakup. I think most of them end for very good reasons and without them ending, better things would not come along. Accepting the end of a relationship is one of the hardest yet most rewarding and freeing things a person do.

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i think couples who get back together and it actually lasting depends on the context of the breakup. if there are trust issues, bad chemistry or lots of fighting then the relationship has a slim chance of surviving. if a couple splits due to bad timing, distance, personal issues, or uncertainity of what they want in life, then i could see a much better chance at this type of relationship surviving a second time around. Mainly because the issues for the breakup have nothing to do with the actual couple, but rather the individual and their need to figure out what they want.

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My ex husband and I tried and tried to make it work on several occasions.

 

We were actually about a week from finalizing our divorce the first time I filed and we agreed to give it one more chance. That ended up being the worst time we had spent together, and ultimately caused us to hurt more and hate eachother in ways that we wouldnt have if we had just ended it and moved on.

 

It really would depend on the people involved though, and the circumstances involved in the break up. With us, we were both at fault for insecurities and not knowing how to handle our emotions. We wanted to work out the issues, but no matter how much we wanted to we werent able to 'forget', and the bad things that made us split the first time just continued to haunt us through every other attempt that we made. And the idea that we had 'given up' once before, always lead us both to be concerned that the other would 'give up' again if things didnt go there way.

 

I really cant think of any couple who had success after a break up and tried to reconstruct their relationships, but it would make me sad to think that there's not hope for people who both really want it for the right reasons.

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yeah but are relationships suppose to be easy..??? Is this the big myth that continues to break up couples and marriages???? All things worth while are not ever to be easy...perhaps this isn't true either.

 

I wondered if once you got in the "RIGHT" relationship you would just know and things would flow easy..

 

For example: My new girl and I can have a heated argument, and if you walked in on us 20 minutes later you would never know... Its like we deal with it and leave it there.. Now with my ex it would linger on for days and days!!

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i know a lot of couples who have gotten back together, but i'm young (21), so whether those relationships will actually last remains to be seen. and most of these relationships seem, to me at least, very unhealthy.

 

my cousin recently got married to a guy she had broken up with at one time. they got back together after they each had relationships with other people. i would say she is the great, rare exception. also, they didn't date very long the first time, no real "problems" to speak of aside from the fact that she felt she was too young to be in a serious relationship with anyone...they ended it the first time after only a few months.

 

i will say that the fact you are asking this question is a little suspicious. you should really not be focusing on reconciliation. focus on separation, and focus on that for a WHILE. after all, have your past reconciliation attempts worked with her? nope. and isn't she the one who sent you that nasty text message? from what you've said i think she sounds like an absolutely detestable person, and i think your attachment to her is mostly based on familiarity and family connections (your daughter). if you can commit to maintaining some distance from her i think you will see this as well.

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I wondered if once you got in the "RIGHT" relationship you would just know and things would flow easy..

 

For example: My new girl and I can have a heated argument, and if you walked in on us 20 minutes later you would never know... Its like we deal with it and leave it there.. Now with my ex it would linger on for days and days!!

 

and about this...talk to your parents or married friends. i don't think anyone will really agree with the statement that a very long-term relationship or marriage is EASY. it's work.

 

but i would say if things get less immature and heated between you and this new girl then that's definitely something worth noting and appreciating. someone who drags arguments on for days is not a suitable marriage or life partner to anyone.

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Joyce,

 

i think your attachment to her is mostly based on familiarity and family connections (your daughter).

 

You hit it right on the nose with that.. That's the hardest part to let go.. I couldn't have said it better myself.. Thank you so much for that.. How does one let go of that.. 8 years, a child and all those memories.. All I've known my adult life is/was her..

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