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cherriecheek

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Everything posted by cherriecheek

  1. hey everyone.. for the past couple of months i've been trying to take things slow with my ex to rebuild a relationship. i havent posted on here during this time because i wanted to focus on the future as opposed engorging myself in a breaking up type environment. my last post was "how i got my ex back" if any of you want to know my apporach in doing so. lets just say, when people on this forum talk about "no contact" and "people very rarely stay with an ex" they couldnt be more right. so not only did my ex and i end things on new years eve...but it was also my birthday. and heres my story: the night before my birthday i had a dream he sent flowers to another girl. while driving to our new years party on my birthday, he went into a gas station and i wanted to check the time, so i clicked on his phone...while doing so, this text popped up which read "thanks for the flowers, they are beautiful" now, im not one to snoop, but this has got the best of my curiosity. turns out he sent flowers to a girl he was talking to this summer and recently had surgury. rather than bringing this situation up to him, i figured i would ask him out and see what his reaction is. (basically for two months, he made all the effort by proving to me that he was back for good and he was waiting for me to give him an answer about us) we havent discussed our situation for awhile, so i figured i'd say..."i cant imagine starting the new year without being back into the relationship" while i said this, part of me was expecting him to give the reaction he did. he looked down and said i didnt think we were going to have a serious talk today. he basically said he sees me more as a friend because we like the same things (lame) he said that since i like to watch football and i can drink beer while holding my own he thought that he was dating himself and preferred more of a "girlie girl" and he cant see himself growing old with "one of the guys" this time around, i said everything that was on my mind. i told him i hate the fact that he would seek me out when i was doing just fine. and he admitted to having feelings for this other girl he sent flowers to (who lives 200 miles away). i told him that we are truly over, i told him never to call me or contact me again. i made it clear that i deserved better. the good news is since i took things slow and proceeded with caution i dont feel that bad today. the recovery period the first time around was tougher than what i am going threw now because the fear of life without him isnt there. however this time, im more angry at him for coming around only to end things again after two months, and im angry at myself for not listening to my instincts and insecurities while he was around. now that i feel like he lied, took advantage of my feelings and broke his trust and word to me, i dont think we could ever be friends. i think that if i didnt give it another shot i would regret it, but now it totally ruined any chance of us staying friends and now i regret ever trying it in the first place. but i do have my closure. if you have an ex, move on. an ex is an ex for a reason and there is someone better.
  2. thank you everyone for your solid advice and wonderful posts. im taking a little bit of what each of you said and using that in my healing process. joyce and rob, your definitely right, i HAVE to let him play the field out. as much as it hurts, i have no choice. HE made the choice to end it, thereforeeee, i have to give him exactly what he wants...time away from "us". i have to admit that i have started casually dating someone as well...and part of me didnt want him to find out because i feared he would come back to me. its not that i dont love him, but i was afraid his motives would be based on how i moved on and him having issues with accepting that fact that i was with other people. if he ever come back, it must be genuine without external factors, and i dont see how that would be possible after 3 months. about two weeks ago he pulled the "i love you, i miss you" card. BUT we were at a mutal friends party and there was drinks involved. convienant situation if i may say so myself. since then...crickets.
  3. is it possible to lose 10-15lbs in one month? if so...how would you go about doing this? which foods would you recommended to stay full without the extra calories?
  4. this is the first time in 3 months i heard of him actually "seeing" a girl, not from any mutal friends, but from an away message online. as much as i want to contact him, i cant because im too hurt. so its easy for me to keep NC. i dont know what to do from here. i do still wonder if he thinks of me, or if he compares me to this new girl. is this good for the grieving process to know of him with someone else? i guess im looking for advice or stories of people in similar situations? im looking for something...anything....
  5. i'm in the same boat as you. my ex broke up with me 3 months ago because he "wasnt sure where it was going or what he wanted in terms of us or his life" i did NC for about a month and the last i spoke to him he was still "unsure" i guess im still waiting for that happy ending. but im also moving on in the process. i wish i could tell you how i think things will turn out in your situation, my suggestion is give him all the space he needs and go on with your life. he knows what you have to offer and you dont have to prove it more now that your broken up. how old was ur co worker when she went through this? and how long were they broken up for? i am fresh out of college and my ex was out for a year. i thought if anyone would be having doubts about us it would be me, the one who is going threw all the changes. it seems like ur around the same age. perhaps ppl in their early 20's sometimes question whether or not they are on the right path with school, jobs and their relationships..
  6. so i havent seen or spoke to my ex in six weeks (we broke up two months ago) he sees me on saturday and we end up kissing and and he was telling me how much he misses me and loves me. my question is...now that we kissed etc...do i just go back to NC or do i ask him what saturday was all about? and is it possible that now that we did NC then hooked up, do you think if i go back to NC he will miss me more?? im so confused now, any feedback would be much appreciated!!
  7. freeyourmind, i couldnt agree with you more. we really do compare ourselves to our exes probably more often than we should. i cant think of one person who doesnt slightly hope that their ex doesnt start dating first...especially with someone more attractive...both personality and appearance. even after the breakup, even after you go months without communicating, there are still games. an ex can communicate with you out of nowhere, and chances are, they are communicating with you for themselves. they are sizing up which person in the ex relationship is moving on faster, dating quicker and ultimately benefiting more from the breakup. there comes a time when it doesnt matter if your the dumper or dumpee, whats important is how you carry YOURSELF after the break up.
  8. so its been over a month since i last seen my ex and 2 months since we broke up. since then, i have not called, texted or IMed him. the few times i spoke to him i was not upset and didnt bring up the outcome of our relationship. since July, we spoke via IM three times, and all three times he initated the contact. asking me "hows it going?" my question is...why would he even take the time or effort to contact me if he was the one who broke it off?
  9. i have the same sweating problem and i to feel just as self conscious....what i found to be helpful is an over the counter type of roll on medication called "certain dry" this acts as a complement to your normal deodarant. you place this product on at night and let it set in over night, it seems to shrink the pores under your arms so you basically stop sweating there. this product is not perminant but ifound this to be the most helpful of any other product i tried. hope this helps!!!
  10. this sounds like a situation where if you pull away and initate NC, she will come back because of missing you.... then you two will get back together, and once the "missing" factor is gone, she'll be "confused" again and start this whole process will repeat itself. i've been on both sides of this situation. i admit i played the "confused" card because i was afraid to be alone and i was waiting for someone better to come along and i didnt want him to find someone before me. which from what i read in your post, her reactions/responces are strickingly similar to how i treated my ex... with experience and growth, i know this definitely is not the way to break up with someone. you do not deserve to be handled and played this way on the other hand, i had the exact same card played on me about 2 months ago. after a year of dating my bf, he started saying how confused he was and blah blah.....well i went right into NC and this break up turned out a hell of a lot better than the past. my advice to you is MOVE ON. there shouldnt be a gray area. either you want someone or you dont. everything else is just games. i hope this helped...feel free to PM me if you want me to go into further detail about either side of this situation.
  11. NJron....i found your post very interesting, exactly how long were you dating this girl before you realized you didnt have feelings for her? i understand why it would be hard to end things with someone who seemingly is great and your right, a relationship is only great if two people think so. i was also wondering since there was no hositle break up, did you guys remain friends or establish NC? bulletproof, yes i did want to marry him, but i wanted to save any talk of marriage until after i was out of college. he did mention once that he wasnt sure if he wanted to settle in eastern PA since his entire fam lives 7 hours away in Pittsburgh. i was surprised he brought this up because im the type of person who would move anywhere and be fine. i figured he was making assumptions about what i wanted long term without approaching me about it, and in return, getting scared or developing a phobic based on these assumptions. thanks for your responces by the way, i appreciate your insight on this situation.
  12. "There had to be more going on. Was there anything you didn't like about the relationship? Were you totally honest in terms of where you wanted it to go? What was the level of intimacy like" there was nothing about the relationship i didnt like but the distance during my last year of college. we connected on every level from communicating to interests to future aspirations. we never spoke of marriage because i told him months earlier i didnt agree with mixing college and a wedding. (he also never brought up the subject, this was just a light hearted convo). our intimacy was great, always kept things interesting to were it never got boring. the "no spark" idea you brought up does make a lot of sense, i never even thought of that as a possiblity. its so hard to believe a spark could just be "lost"... maybe thats why divorces are so high? people just lose a "spark" and have no desire to find it or fight for it. i do understand where your coming from raykay, with your thoughts on compromising aspects of myself in order to fit a cookiecutter image of what he thinks is a "great girlfriend" and i dont believe i did because even after breaking up, i feel like the same person... the feeling of "oh wow i finally have myself back" didnt happen because i fell in love without losing myself. i enjoy all the things i did prior to breaking up, and i figured perhaps that is the reason my healing process is going so well. i also noticed both people on this forum and my closest friends say "are you SURE there was nothing else going on?" ....over and over again i examine this question from all aspects of the relationship when the question is brought to my attention and there definitely was not. the only change during this time was me graduating college and moving closer to him. so, in reality our relationship should of been on the upswing
  13. haha i'll gladly share my story... i tend to rationalize things out...sometimes to a fault. truth is, my boyfriend ended our 2 year relationship about 3 months ago, although i am well on my way toward a healthy recovery, i find myself left with questions not so much involving our relationship, but with relationships in general. while breaking up he told me how great of a girlfriend i was and how our relationship was not the reason he was ending i., he said he was in a funk and just didnt know what he wanted and he didnt want to drag me down in the process. i mean, even his best friends didnt know he ended things until after the fact, so he clearly wasnt discussing or contemplating it for too long. i ask these questions not for the hopes of getting back together, but for a piece of mind when looking toward new relationships. see, i wish i was able to walk away from this relationship thinking i need to "improve" parts of myself, or have the comfort of knowing there was bad chemistry and there will be someone more suited for me out there...i mean afterall since "im a great girlfriend" i feel like i am not taking away anything to work with, i have not learned anything about myself in a relationship aspect. also, i ask these questions because i forsee me having a trust issue with future relationships...if a perfectly great relationship can end out of nowhere, how am i supposed to believe my next boyfriend isnt secretly thinking about ending things even if the relationship is going along wonderfully?
  14. hey everyone i have a few questions i have been pondering today in work and would really appreciate some feedback.... could it be possible to leave a relationship after a year and half due to the fact that its too perfect? like no fighting, no forseen problems etc..? if a relationship is too good? and things are getting more serious, does that sometimes scare people away? if these are the main reasons why you left a relationship, do couples in this situation reconcile more often than other reasons of breaking up??
  15. hey everyone... im getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow and from what i hear, im gonna have to live off of liquid foods for awhile... i was wondering if anyone has ever lost any weight due to this diet change? if so, how much?
  16. hey everyone, i was pondering over this question and i could really use some unbiased advice.... my ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago, since then we only spoke once. currently, i have the chance to date someone else, who happens to be a pro athlete. reguardless of his status, im not trying to get into another relationship right now. what im wondering is...how long after breaking up with someone is a casual date not considered a rebound?
  17. i think couples who get back together and it actually lasting depends on the context of the breakup. if there are trust issues, bad chemistry or lots of fighting then the relationship has a slim chance of surviving. if a couple splits due to bad timing, distance, personal issues, or uncertainity of what they want in life, then i could see a much better chance at this type of relationship surviving a second time around. Mainly because the issues for the breakup have nothing to do with the actual couple, but rather the individual and their need to figure out what they want.
  18. we were very close, he was also close to my family. we did a LDR for about 9months of our 1.5 year long relationship due to me being away at school. my question is...if someone is that concerned about my family, wouldnt you call?
  19. we've been broken up for about six weeks and for over three weeks, my ex and i had NC, although we never really established it. today, he texts me with... "is your dad ok? i saw something on the news about a police officer" i responded with... "oh yeah...hes on vaca, but thanks for wondering i didnt want to ignore him, but i wanted to keep things friendly but pleotonic (sp?). this text was a shock because of all things to say and all the ways to reach me, why would he say something about my dad? is he honestly concerned or is he just trying to keep contact?
  20. im going through the same thing now with my ex, neither of us text or ask how eachother is doing since we broke up. i do have the same fears as you...will he forget about me, etc..... i can see three reasons why the ex wont contact you 1. he feels afraid to talk to you again. afraid that feelings will either be rekindled or he could be scared about in placing you in his life again as an acquaintence after being in a relationship 2. he is trying to get over you as much as you are trying to move on with him 3. he might be trying to 'forget' you so he doenst have to deal with his emotions either way, it sounds like your doing a great job healing, keep up the good work! and i agree with Jayar....have you really lost anything by NC?
  21. do people ever realize their ex is "the one" who you truly love even after months of NC and dating other people?
  22. im afraid my ex did more damage to me than i realize. damage that will surface once i start dating again... our relationship was full of trust and honestly. we did not fight and shared many of the same interests... because he broke up with me in the middle of a solid relationship with no turmoil, proclaiming i was a great girlfriend (while breaking up!) how am i supposed to trust any sort of relationship now? with the next guy that comes along, even if everything is great, its going to be hard to think they are secretly not planning on ending things. i almost wish the relationship ended because of cheating, a fight or a personality clash...at least i would have something to work with and improve on for future relationships. but no, i walk away thinking i was a great girlfriend and yet my relationship still went down the drain. im left with nothing to improve on. im literally standing here, with nothing.
  23. its been over a month since me and my ex went our separate ways. although the break up was abrupt and sort of unexpected, there was no yelling, fighting or begging on both parties. me as the dumpee respected his wishes and gave him the space and time alone he asked for. since we broke up i have not spoken to him on the phone but i seen him once in person around mutual friends. i wouldnt say im completely healed, but i think im well on my way there. I did NC for two weeks until i seen him in person, i was surprised at how well i handled the situation. the positive side is after doing NC and then seeing him, i learned a lot about my character. i didnt get upset or cause a scene when i saw him....i am stronger and can handle a lot more than i ever expected. everyone heals at their own pace. and even though im slowly giving up hope that we will get back together, i know the chances are much better down the line for several reasons.. 1. the reason for the breakup wasnt a lack of chemistry or problems within the relationship....he isnt sure what he wants or where things are going with us/his own life 2. we ended on a good note, both of us are respecting the fact that we are single and we do not cry on eachothers shoulder, that is what our friends are for 3. he is 23, i am 21, we still have a lot of figuring out within our individuel lives 4. we still have a lot in common 5. i am not playing the needy or clingy card and i am definitely not begging him to stay. if we end up not getting back together i can still smile about the relationship we did share. if anyone is going through the process of healing, just remember....you can breathe on your own, so your definitely not going to die, stay positive and strive for our own defination of happiness...and maybe even wish some happiness for your ex while your at it. ...give them a chance to miss the "you' they dated...not a begger and CHALLENGE them to find someone better!
  24. how long have you two been broken up? who broke it off? what was the reasoning for it? did you guys maintain NC? only reason i ask is because i was wondering if this email came out of the blue? or where you expecting a response like this so far...i think you did good with asking her to elaborate, it buys you to time to reply. i think under any circumstance, you need to take a step back and evaluate why you two have broken up in the first place. whether your the dumper or the dumpee, the power is back in your hands.
  25. i cant speak for all girls, but i do know of situations where girls sought out past lovers after ending a current relationship. she seems like a type of girl who doesnt like to be alone. i'd play it cool for now, i think she needs to be single for awhile
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