Calls, makes dates to see me, but is emotionless

[rnorth]

Ex as of late May still calls and makes dates to do things. At first I did 1 month NC then we started getting together again. She told me she missed me 3 weeks into the NC (mid-June) and there have been moments of tenderness but I have not outwardly (at least consciously) showed interest in wanting to reconcile.

 

Last week, she invited me to a concert, and we went and had a good time (I made her laugh

 

The thing is, even though she calls and makes "dates" to do things, she is emotionless, kind of cold. My impression is one of two possibilities (or somewhere in between).

1. She thinks I have moved on and is giving me the stiff upper lip, trying to show she is not phased by over compensating and purposely acting distant.

2. She has moved on and is trying demonstratively to show me so and not to lead me on.

3. A combination of the two to varying degrees.

 

What does everyone's experience show them in similar circumstances? Has an ex shown lack of emotion on a fairly consistent basis only to have it all crash down and turn around, show emotion and it was a facade, or when there is lack of emotion, thats, that.

[Viper62382]

You know something, my GF of 5 years broke up with me 7 weeks ago. I did all the mistakes of letting my heart out, blah blah. Its been LC for a while now. She seems cold and heartless, has told me to move on a few times, but any hint of my ignoring her she comes running back to me spilling her emotions. During my investigative phase of the break up while I was going nuts thinking about who she is with and what she was doing, I came accross pix of her partying and enjoying herself on her friends myspace. Was very hurtful, I told her last nite about a lady interested in going out with me, she freaked, but I told her that I called her and told her I wasn't interested, and I was already in a LTR. She calmed down, and I could feel the jealous rage she had go away. As far as the pix, I never brought it up until today. We were webcamming. I mentioned it, she was smiling, even amused by it, she got defensive and signed off. Girls are crazy. I'm almost to a point where I dont want to hold on anymore. Maybe then, will she, and your ex, will bother to try to reconcile.

[DN]

It is possible that she is only using you as someone to go out with until she meets someone else or it may be she is reluctant to make the first move towards getting back together.

 

Have you asked her why she calls you to go out on dates?

[heloladies21]

Neither. She's satisfying her curiosity about you by keeping you around and keeping you as a back up plan in case she can't find someone else (and she always does in cases like yours). She's obviously leading you along, but until you realize this and are willing to let her know how you truly feel instead of playing this game of cat and mouse while trying to read hidden intentions, you're only holding yourself back and preventing yourself from moving forward.

[rnorth]

From the diversity of responses, its clear that really the only way to find out is ask her. She "enjoys (my) company", says that she is "not able to give anything to anyone right now".... etc.

 

Really her personality changed as did our relationship dynamic as soon as she got immersed in her current job. She went from giving me almost too much attention to me having to make more of an effort. At one point when things got going with her job, she came home one day (back in March) crying and stating that sometimes she wondered if her priorities were all mixed up, working like she does "when (she) should be spending more time with (me)"..... I let it go and she became even more involved in her career. When she finally broke things off last May, she said that she was being unfair to me; that I was putting in all the effort and she was selfish. She did say that she still wanted to see me as a friend as she "enjoys (my) company"... but that right now she does not have anything to give to anybody.......

 

So my move now is no move. I am going to engage in passive NC -let her contact me and respond in my own time- and once I feel the time is right have a talk and try and find clarify where we both stand.

 

I am ready and willing to move on if need be; there are a couple of women with whom I am in contact but I am not jumping into anything just yet.