Confusion w/ ex can anyone explain????

[sadksgirl]

Sorry it's so long, but I need to get this off my chest and any advice would be great. Thanks in advance....

 

Last week I decided that I was going to cut all ties with my ex. Wed. was the last day I talked to him. I didn't e-mail, didn't call, nothing. He called me thurs. night and I didn't answer. Friday he ended up calling me 13 time and I didn't answer any of the calls. I went back home for the weekend and was there till Tuesday.

 

Left me 9 messages stating that he didn't know where I was and that he was worried. If I didn't call him by late friday night he was going to call my parents and the cops, because he couldn't find me. He told me that he went over to my apt. after he got off of work and didn't see my car and said that I was either in my apt. dead and someone stole my car or I had went somewhere to meet someone. Isn't this something that the dumpy usually does, not the dumper?

 

Saturday he only called me once and didn't call me at all on Sunday.

 

Monday I get a call at 5 till 8 and he say "It's monday morning and I haven't heard from you all weekend and I'm really worried about you and I need to know where you are. Just give me a call and let me know that you are OK!" I proceed to get 3 more calls that morning. After the one at 11:30 he immediately hung up the phone and called my parents house and of course I didn't let anyone pick it up.

 

12:30 rolls around and he calls again and leaves another message. He had called my brother at work and told him that he couldn't find me and that he was worried about me and he hadn't talked to me since Wed. I called my brother and wanted to know what he wanted and what he said. He told me in his message that "Well it took me calling your brother to fine out that you went home for the weekend and that I was spending the day with my dad. All it would of taken was a phone call to let me know that you were ok. I guess I get the hint I will leave you alone."

 

Then at 1pm I called him and told him that I had lost my phone for a couple of days and just found it Monday. He asked me when I was coming back into town and I told him I didn't know if I was coming back! He told me that he really needed to talk to me and that he had done some serious thinking over the past couple of days and that it would be to my benefit. Why does he care now?

 

Tuesday morning 9am I was on my way back into town and he text messages me telling me that "I need to talk to you and I hope things are well." 11am he calls me again asking when I'm coming back into town and to give him a call.

 

I get to work at 11:30 and sign into MSN and he calls me right away and I have to pick up because I don't have caller ID at work. He's like there you are, do you want to go out to lunch? I can't I just got to work. The he says how about tomorrow for lunch. I couldn't I already had plans. So the rest of the day we chatted on MSN. He said that "I realized alot of things about us and I think they would interest you, I found out some really critical things about us, I am really having a hard time , I really feel that I messed things up between us. He asked me if I had found someone else, and I said that problem is that you have found someone else. He told me to "please quit pushing me away, she is NOT my type." I asked him if he even wants to be around me anymore and he said "yes that is it I DO want to be around you" and I said "you just want to be friends right." He proceeded to say "I don't know what I want? But I do know I want to work on things like YOU wanted." He wanted me to call him later that night so I did.

 

When I called him we talked about what had changed his mind and why. He said that he had a dream about me and that I married a friend of ours and that he was so mad and he wanted to kill the guy. And he didn't know what he would do if anything happened to me. He was really tired and needed to go to bed and that we would talk about it more Wednesday night. It was all so sincere!

 

Wednesday night he came over and he had to go buy a bow so I went with him and just kinda wondered around. On the way home we talked about him and I and how we held things back from one another and that we never really told each other what we were feeling. He said I was never perky enough. I told him that he didn't show me enough affection. He told me that the girl he is kinda seeing talk about me and our old relationship. He explained everything that I did for him and she told him that I gave everything to that relationship and he gave nothing and he agreed. He said that all I want is to get married, have a family and and live happy ever after. What girl doesn't want that? He said that he is at a point in his life, going on 29, that he needs to make a decision to stay young or grow up. I thought that was pretty funny!!!!! He really didn't have very much to say after that and dropped me off at my apt and left. He then called me about 20 mins later and said that he was sorry.

 

Yesterday I called him on the carpet and wanted to know if he really meant what he said on Tuesday when he said that he really felt that he had messed things up between him and I, and if he wanted to work on things or was he just feeding me more line? His comment was "I think that some day I will look back and regret us breaking up."

 

What made him change his mind in less then 12 hrs and go from being so sincere to being so hateful? What am I suppose to think after getting 13 calls last Friday, calling my brother and the telling me that he really needed to talk me and telling me that he wants to work things like I wanted to? Am I the biggest fool for getting my hopes up again after everything that was said?

 

Please can anyone shed some light on this situation?????? Please!!!!

[babycristy456]

He is the one that is being indecisive. It was wrong of him to give you high hopes for no reason. You were doing good moving on from him until he told you about his "thinking".

 

He might keep doing this over and over again when he feels you are drifting off, so i suggest don't keep contact with him for a little while until you move on from him and so that he can decide what he really wants.

 

God only knows the reasons for his mind changing. guys are weird

 

Good Luck

[smiles314]

i may be a few yrs younger than yr (20)..But whenever i cut ties with my ex, or at least tries to... our roles are reversed and he is the one who keeps coming at me and is dying to speak to me, and is dying to know how i feel about him.. Usually, he is always saying stuff like i miss you, etc. I dont think he knows whetehr he wants to just be friends or more either...But it seems that as soon as you do the opposite, and push away and move on..They get a panic attack.. Maybe they dont believe that we will leave and get over them.. And while they take the time to figure what they want and be cowards, they want us to hang around? Its frustrating as hell, and its just not fair. So what is the best thing to do? Who knows... will they ever change, and make things right? Im sorry i cant help you but you can PM me just to vent/talk... i dont mind esp. since im going through it too in a way. And these are all just guesses, I could be totally wrong here.

[waitinvain]

Well I'm a guy and I'm at the 'rejected' side of the queue. I did everything I could for her and only a few weeks ago she wanted to be with me 'forever' ( her words ).

 

A few weeks later and it's all too much, and she's cut her ties with me ( or that's how it appears at this moment in time )

 

And I am hardly guilty of being the worst person on earth. Barriers went up and I had no chance.

 

*pleading doesn't work

*begging doesn't work

*asking for forgiveness doesn't work

*saying your sorry doesn't work

*constantly contacting them doesn't work.

 

Nope - when you're rejected I have come to the conclusion there is only one thing you can do. Tell them you're there for them if they need you ( if you still love them ) and let them contact you. If they love you they will eventually realise how much they are missing you and come running.

 

Hard as hell though when all you want is to speak to them and be with them. You become desperate and pathetic.

 

I'll never do that again. I'll never appear pathetic to somebody again for the rest of my life. If anybody cuts me out/rejects me like that again they will have to come after me to get me back.

 

At the end of the day good people are worth more. Good guys do finish last , so you have to be hard and become distant.

 

Amazing that the opposite of what you are trying to achieve actually gets you a result. And if they dont' contact you they weren't worth it in the first place and moving on is the right thing to do.

 

Hard as hell though. I'm a softie at heart but women don't want a man that acts as though he can't live without them. You have to get a life to become attractive.

 

Desperate people are undesirable. Sad but true........

 

It's all a game. So I guess the only way to swing odds in your favour is to know the rules and stick with them. It's all about learning how to play the game.

 

I'm very philosophical today.