Would you look for the person?

[hennypenny3288]

If u been dating someone for a while (a few months at least). Things seemed to be going well, in your mind. The person pulls away and pulls a disappearing act. How would that affect you? Would you try to do anything and everything to track that person down to find out what happened? (like check his old haunts, talk to his friends, etc)

 

Why or why not?

[bebecole]

a few months insnt that long. I would NOT look for this person. Maybe they just need some space and time to themselves to think. Maybe something is going on in his life that he doesnt want to discuss. You never know what is going on.

I wouldnt try to contact his family and friends. If something was seriously wrong he would contact you.

Just leave it bee. If you keep calling and trying to talk to his friends, you'll come off a little needy.

Leave it alone.

[hennypenny3288]

when I said I few months, I meant at least 4 months. Pulling a disappearing act would be just dropping out of a person's life. No phone calls, emails, SMS or anything. Complete and all of a sudden. GONE!

[Lady Bugg]

Henny...this exact thing happened to me last year....and again recently with the same person. Last year it was awful. I kept emailing him over a period of a few months...basically asking him what the deal was? Then I got angry and nasty with him..which didn;t help matters much. We stopped talking for a while.....then we have been talking and flirting non stop the last month...and again..POOF...nothing. This AFTER asking me to go on a trip to NY with him..or a weekend away.

 

It sucks and yes it hurts..only THIS time Lady Bugg here is keeping her dignity intact and NOT contacting him at ALL. I sort of thought this might happen again, so I was prepared. I give him 1-2 weeks to contact me back....then his time is UP.

 

Why do they do this??? Who knows?? I have been racking my brain trying to figure this out myself.

[Lady Bugg]

Oh and Henny...I would NOT reccommend "hunting" him down..or talking to his friends. That seems kind of stalkerish. If he has your number/email..whatever..he KNOWS where to reach you.

 

Hmmm... thats good advice for me too

[hennypenny3288]

LadyBugg, aside from emailing, did you try to hunt the person down to get a reason why he might have dissed you like that? Like track the person down?

[Lady Bugg]

No....I only emailed him.There is a limit to the effort a person is worth in this situation. If they disappeared..they did it for a REASON..that may have NOTHING to do with you at all. I understand COMPLETELY how it makes you feel...believe me. What were the circumstances that led up to this?

[hennypenny3288]

Circumstances were none. Things appeared to be going well. Spending good amount of time together, love and affection seemed present. Suddenly, person dropped off face of the earth. No fighting or anything on that level. I called, emailed, etc. Nothing came about.

[Lady Bugg]

How long ago did this happen? I think sometimes men (and women) get spooked when things go too fast..OR too well. Strange but true. With MY situation....it was the BEST we had gotten along since we met.

 

My advice is to NOT contact him again....at least not for a while.

Someone on here gave me very sound, good advice...and to LET HIM contact ME. They have already run away..chasing them won't make them come back.

[hennypenny3288]

This happened a few weeks to almost a month ago. I am beside myself with anger and worry. Why do men act like cads? What is their motivation, besides being jerks? Why do men LIKE to lead women on?

[missbrittanyy]

if somebody took off on me. Yes id be curiouse as to where.. and why.. if it was because of me.. other reasons etc..

 

but if they cant take the time to contact you and inform you.. why waste your time?

[missbrittanyy]

i think also, part of me would be afraid something serious happened to them. this is a pickle

[Lady Bugg]

I know how you feel. In mens defense though...women do this sort of stuff too..just probably for different reasons.

 

A book I read in the past that was really good was Mars And Venus on a Date...by John Gray. He really explains WHY men run away an WHY it's important to NOT chase them for answers. It makes a lot of sense...one thing he said is....Women are trying to figure out where the "relationship is going...and the man is still trying to figure IF he wants to BE in a relationship". I recommend the book if you can get it.

[hennypenny3288]

I would not see it as wasting time but as trying to find answers. Answers that may help me understand what is wrong with him or me.

[Bethany]

That's a very interesting point. What if they are ill and you don't contact them, won't it appear that you don't care? or What do you do if they come back like nothing has happened, do you grill them at where they have been?

[coollady1957]

I agree that it does sound a bit strange for him to just disappear from you life with no word or anything.

 

What was he like on the last day you saw and talked to him ?

 

Was it like everything seemed to be going "peachy" and then the next day you never hear from him again?

 

Has he expressed any concerns about getting involved in a relationship?

 

I would not call or try to hunt him down though. It seems to me that if you know some of his friends, that if something has happened to him of a serious nature , you would have heard about it by now.

 

I can understand though the thoughts you must be having.