Feelings and advice giving, tell me what you think!

[segagirl]

I have been thinking. Is there an effective way to give advice without using your own personal beliefs and opinions? Most of us give advice based on our own experiences. Our own experiences are what shape our belief systems and opinions, right?

 

This is a tough task to master, how to give advice without letting them know what I really think and feel. Many of you have seen tons of my posts, and generally, I just give advice without judgment. I will be honest; it's not always easy! But the reality to me is, what I feel is not important, it's what I KNOW that is important. This is how I separate my feelings while giving advice.

 

Many times, I see people getting hurt. Many of us are outraged by a person's questions based on our own personal belief system. So, instead of ignoring the question, or simply giving advice...we lash out and judge behavior.

 

The question then is: Do you think you should add your personal emotions and beliefs when giving advice? And please elaborate on why or why not.

 

Thanks so much; I would really like to see what everyone thinks about this!

[inanna1607306450]

yes, i think you should put your feelings into the advice because you need to put your heart into everything and why would you ask for advice if you wouldnt want all knids of opinions,you need to see every point of veiw before you make a choice.

[Smokeycat]

I think we should include our personal beliefs and emotions to an extent. We could give advice by thinking with our minds and not our hearts by seriously considering the types of situations. I do think that having some emotions in your advice helps though...maybe by sharing an experience similar to the one the author has. You have to go by what's right and wrong...the morals that we've followed for so many years. We should give our opinions on what SHOULD be done but not necessarily what we ourselves would do or have done.

[segagirl]

Great insight the two of you thank you!

 

Now I wonder though, dont you think what is right and wrong is different for everyone?

And why is it that people sometimes dont want to hear a variety of thoughts, they tend to lash out if you dont agree?

[Smokeycat]

I think there are basic right and wrongs that we all should follow. I, personally, am talking about biblical morals such as you shouldn't kill, lie, steal, cheat, etc. As I said, different situations have to be looked at....differently. It ALL depends on the past and present on how to solve a problem. Sometimes we also pick the wrong solutions but that's what life is about...learning!

[Genesis]

Hello Sega Girl,

 

It is me again. 8)

 

 

Well I think that you are right as a moderator it is your job to give a unbiased opinion.

 

 

but for the rest of us......

 

I feel people are what they experience and should express their opinions. A wise man is wise b/c of all of his experiences. When people come to this forum they should not expect to receive a sugar coated answer from every person who writes them.

 

You and the other moderators do a great job in giving unbiased advice, but I do not think you should prevent people from truly giving their opinion.

 

Everyone should be able to see all sides of the spectrum.

 

From the conservative opinion to the liberal opinion; to the outspoken to the softspoken, everyone should be heard.

 

Tough love hurts, you should not hide the truth from people or censor what they have to say just because you do not agree with it. When you show the entire picture people can choose which advice to ignore or which to follow.

 

Toughen up people this is the real world!

[BazookaMike]

Woah, its interesting that you made a post about that. I've been thinking the same thing. On the common posts for example; the one where the guy is all confused over his girl drifting apart and looking for a quick fix. Or the guy who is confused if she likes him, but leaves out all the important context to figure it out.

 

I've found that its getting harder and harder for me not to pass judgment on them. Things like, "now you've really done it, there is no easy fix anymore". "You blew it, dump her now." I don't even want to reply to the the sex questions. Not just the underage ones, even a post that mentions premarital sex. I'm strongly opinionated about that kind of behavior, so I actually don't even answer.

 

Sometimes I'll reply to a post and just delete it before I post it. Because its not what they need to hear, I'd only be making it worse.

 

Here is a suggestion; One thing that I've always done in my posts is stating the letters "IMO" stands for "in my own honest opinion" I've been finding myself having to use that more as of late. So I encurage people to do the same.

[segagirl]

welcome back genesis, and if i can recall being outspoken is one of your best features...

 

more thoughts....

I wonder than, are some giving opinions and not advice, i.e. I think you are a "jerk for doing this....instead of offering ideas on how to fix the situation. And do you think that is a part of self expression and a part of advice?

 

 

And Bazooka, ah yes....good call. I also tend to not relpy to certian questions for fear I just won't be able to say the "right thing". And as noted, I want to be as open minded as possible...yes that has to do with being a Moderator, but I was that way before as well.

[Aura Seeker]

Hey Sea girl,

 

Someone said above that it is your job to give an unbias opinion, and I agree with that. There is the issue if ones opinion instead of advise would help a person much. I believe there needs to be an element of both. The reason for that is, for opinions, it becomes a great sounding board. "common sense" that just isn't so common, is presented to the person. However, this is a board where people are seeking help, and don't want to come here to be beat down for something that is obviously bothering them. Cookie cutter answers that are dry, I think would be lacking the feed back a person sometimes needs.

 

I think if you take away one component, the person asking for advise isn't getting the full meal deal. People do things, and don't think their way of thinking is off.....until a whack of people say...."what are you thinking" and show that person they should maybe re-visit how they approach things.

 

It's a very fine line. Advise with out judgement. We are just as human as the person asking. I agree our approach should be with out words that sting though. This is a great place for me to be learning that. Thanks for editing my posts sometimes, they have hired the right person for the job. ;-)

 

A