I can't let go

[no_bad_news]

Hello-

 

I am in the twilight zone...

Sometimes I can't believe this is my life.

 

I miss my ex an incredible amount.

 

He has a girlfriend, he's been with her for about 4.5 months. I had a friends with benefits thing for a little while with someone we both knew...overall, it sucked..

 

Now I think another one of his friends is hitting on me.....and I don't want any part of it.. I just want to win my ex back....

 

 

I haven't contacted him since he started dating this new girl....so for 4.5 months.... I have seen him, and we have been cordial..... I can handle it when he is alone....

 

 

I just wish that he would miss me....and remember what we had... the bad times were because I felt like he didn't really love me, and I am sad because I think I pushed him away....

 

 

How do I win him back... just by staying strong and not calling him, by acting indifferent when I see him?

 

I love him still.

 

He has never contacted me on his own..except for 1 email in december. I realize that he has moved on.....and I should too, but I feel like he is the one I want to be with...I feel like hes the only one that ever got me....

 

 

The NC thing is fine. Sometimes I feel great without him, and today I feel terrible. NC has given me my life back,...I am more confident and more focused on my life which is good....

 

I am ok with being single because I feel right now I could never love anyone else.....

 

I don't even know what I am asking for here... I just wish he'd want me again.....

[Balbina]

If he's with someone else right now for almost 5 months, I wouldn't suggest trying to jeopardize his relationship by announcing your feelings again. If he were single, you could go for it, but you should respect the fact that he's with someone else.

 

How would you feel being his gf and having his ex contact him or try to win him back?

 

You've been doing so well lately and try not to let it get you down. Getting involved with a friend-for-benefits was a bad idea and is probalbly what exacerbated your feelings back to your ex because you were having sex without the benefits of a relationship, making you miss what you had before even more.

 

Focus more on yourself and tell the other friend to take a hike. You'll meet another guy but not until you've healed yourself. To want someone to understand you, you need to understand yourself.

[Dako]

Do whatever possible to avoid the ex or his crowd. Really go NC. Really focus on yourself and plan to be single. Anything else risks clinging to the past or rebounding with some dufus who's taking advantage of your turmoil.

Easy to say, I know, but you'll emerge from this stronger if you don't use a crutch.

 

Losing a big love is sad, but to believe he was the only one in the universe is sadder. When you least expect it, you'll discover a new friend who'll be as much or more to you.

[justmoi]

Its so hard to let go of someone that was so convincingly 'The One'.

 

There are a lot of guys out there that could be the one or meet up to your needs, i know right now though its hard to think so far ahead..but still the thought of finding love again is a real nice thought.

 

You will go through periods of feeling strong and on top of the world and then the wave of despair hits you and drags you back down again.

Its normal go with it and feel your pain it DOES make you feel stronger when you ride with it.

 

It does get better the NC is already making you stronger u have even said so urself..Keep focusing on the positives AND U which is important most of all...i tell you you wont even realise it but ull find urself thinking of the past less and less.

 

Goodluck stay strong your doing good x

[no_bad_news]

I have been thinking about my friend with benefit thing, and I feel disgusting about it. The guy has a girlfriend. He told me things weren't working out so well, and I felt alone and depressed back then.... this new situation that is brewing makes me feel sick.

 

I thought the fwb thing was ok, but after a few months of hindsight I think it sucks. It might be a bandaid, but right now I feel sick about that choice.

 

I feel prone to fall into the trap of making poor choices. I get involved with men who don't give me what I need. I think its them. They are the pigs, they used me.

 

But I am putting that out there. I feel screwed up. I am making bad choices because somehow I can't connect with someone that will actually get to know me....

 

I have gone to therapy....I understand more about myself.....

 

I wish there was a resident therapist in this forum!

 

Now I don't want to connect with anyone because I am afraid once I do my ex will want me, and I don't want to miss the chance. How messed up is that!

 

I am so angry at myself. I really am. I feel like a sl**ut * * * *, and someone that people just want to use.

[no_bad_news]

Do whatever possible to avoid the ex or his crowd. Really go NC. Really focus on yourself and plan to be single. Anything else risks clinging to the past or rebounding with some dufus who's taking advantage of your turmoil.

Easy to say, I know, but you'll emerge from this stronger if you don't use a crutch.

 

Losing a big love is sad, but to believe he was the only one in the universe is sadder. When you least expect it, you'll discover a new friend who'll be as much or more to you.

 

 

THANKS..you are right...but that's what makes it so special as well...that that person was unique. It is true though..you can't make anyone love you. I understand that..I deserve more. I feel sick about using the crutch...

really sick. It did help short term.. but the entire "night" I missed my ex. It was the first time I knew that sex isn't love. I really understood it.

[no_bad_news]

I think I am going to break NC.

 

I can't stand this anymore.

 

I love him.

 

He has a girlfriend. That is true.

 

But I care about him. No one measures up to him. I have tried to move on.

 

The more time this takes, and the more I can't let go, even though there is limited contact...it makes me think we will get back together.

 

I think I might send him a short email, and tell him that I still think of him.

 

 

I am thinking about sending him an email today. After 5 months of NC.

 

](*,)

[Dako]

Is it your heart or your brain talking to you?

 

Ask your brain if he'll leave her for you after all that's happened, or if you just aren't accepting reality because you want the past to return.

 

The longer we cling to the ex, the longer we postpone recovery.

There are lots of great guys in the world who would love you.

Better ones. Love is all over the place, not just in the past.

[no_bad_news]

I don't know anymore.

 

I am tired. I just don't want to go through this anymore.

 

It is my heart talking.

 

Am I supposed to do nothing...because if he wanted me he would come to ME?

[Dako]

It gets better with time, and it's very tiring.

 

Strength takes effort, but trying to reconcile with someone who's moved on with someone else takes desperation, and that won't impress him at all.

 

I've been there and tried both ways. Begging is much more painfully humiliating.

[no_bad_news]

I think i am having a hard time with the amount of time I have already had without him. It has been since thankgiving, and I am not over these feelings.

 

I haven't contacted him since March which is when I found out he was dating. But i have seen him recently.

 

I feel desperate, and alone. I am under a little bit of stress right now and that might be why I a thinking about my ex.

 

I just miss his familty and I miss him.

 

I have used NC and worked on myself, on being independent. His friends notice the changes. I appear on the outside to have moved on... but I don't want to move on. I really just would be fine to wait until he broke off his current relationship.

[Dako]

Make friends with yourself and pursue just one little dream. He can't fix your life for you.

 

It took six months to get over my ex, and I still have some echoes in my head. I got busy hiking, hanging out with my friends and did retail therapy including a motorcycle to get back to me me me like a spoilt brat. It got me over the worst of it, and in a few hours I'll have lunch with her.

 

You can't just let your life be about him.

[ttminz]

"I really just would be fine to wait until he broke off his current relationship"

 

We don't live for what if.