I Need To Know Damnit

[RufusDawes]

I'm a Male, 22 years old never had a girlfriend. Been with lots of women, can't get a girlfriend. Not ever, not even when i do the nice things, get to know them better don't go for the grab and hope tactic. I have the interactive social skills of a table and rely heavily on alcohol for any sexual encounter. Never been with a sober women, never been with a women sober myself. Alcohol must be the problem, doubt it. Try asking a woman out. They'll be all sure. Then I become their friend. I don't want to be your friend, not anymore. None of my friends have boobies. I'm not asking for a magic potion to fix my love life entirely, I'm asking for a magic wand to fix it straight away. Tell me what I have to do, give me information. I know its the millionty trillion dollar question:

 

HOW DO I MAKE GIRLS LIKE ME !!!!?!?

[Beec]

Well, it is all about how they feel. I would try it sober. Women and men are usually not thrilled with the idea that they hooked up while beer-goggling, so the people who were drunken hookups get forgotten.

 

How women feel is not usually going to be affected by the words that you say. They will be more influenced by how you say something, and mroe influenced by how you act, what your body langauge is, when you say it. Body language is over 85% of communication.

 

You need to look and watch and see what works for other men. You need to read advice about what works and does not, then go out and watch, see what advice is correct. Don't read one thing and accept it as the truth. Read something, examine the world thinking about the idea and accept it or not, to the extent it is true.

 

Finally, it is all about how someone feels. It is about how a particular woman's emotions. If she is emotionally fulfilled, feels special, etc. because of your attention, because of your actions, AND you remain aloof, independent, not needy or clingy, she will want more of your attention. She gets something she enjoys (your attention) for a good price (because you ask for little from her). Manage to do this then withdraw, do it, then withdraw, and soon she will chase you.

 

Also, I sent you a message.

[RufusDawes]

No you miss my point. Yes i can make people like me. How else would anyone do it. How am I going to get what i want if i wait aroundfor what other people. It doesn't make sense. I don't want to remain aloof, thats crappy. If you like someone you should be able to show it. You're asking me to trick a girl into liking me, by ignoring her. Which really sucks i don't think i'd want anything to do with a woman who liked me because i seemed unreachable. Women often say what they want is a man who is "masculine and dominant" it seems to me what they actually want is a little punce who will play their stupid games.

[Beec]

No you miss my point. Yes i can make people like me. How else would anyone do it. How am I going to get what i want if i wait around waiting for what other people want. It doesn't make sense. I don't want to remain aloof, thats crappy. If you like someone you should be able to show it. Sounds like you're asking me to trick a girl into liking me, by ignoring her. Which really sucks i don't think i'd want anything to do with a woman who liked me because i seemed unreachable.

 

Then continue as you were.

 

If you don't want to do what works, enjoy what you were doing.

[Dating Coach]

No you miss my point. Yes i can make people like me. How else would anyone do it. How am I going to get what i want if i wait aroundfor what other people. It doesn't make sense. I don't want to remain aloof, thats crappy. If you like someone you should be able to show it. You're asking me to trick a girl into liking me, by ignoring her. Which really sucks i don't think i'd want anything to do with a woman who liked me because i seemed unreachable. Women often say what they want is a man who is "masculine and dominant" it seems to me what they actually want is a little punce who will play their stupid games.

 

You completely didn't get the point that Beec was making. No, you can't MAKE people like you. People make their own decisions, you don't make the decisions for them. Beec was 100% right by saying that you can only improve your social skills, become better at interaction and flirting, and in response people will be more apt to like you. You can't force their hand.

 

In fact, a HUGE part of your problem is that you try to make people like you and that is obvious to them and it reeks of low self confidence and self respect. Who's going to want to be with someone who desperately tries to get everyone to like him?

 

You say you try to play the nice role and don't grab and hope. In response you expect that to win you affection? Doesn't work that way, and no, you're not being nice by doing it this way. You're aim is selfish because you are trying to influence people by using niceness. That too reaks of self doubt.

 

If you keep on ending up the friend then that shows me that what I said above it true. You try to be liked and you try being nice, but that doesn't cause woman to respect your nor like you because that approach is weak and full of low self confidence. However, since you want to be liked and you try to be liked, you will end up as the friend because you are available and you do things for them to be liked. You get used.

 

I think you need to follow the first link in my signiture. It should help you if you have an open mind.

[RufusDawes]

I now have zero respect for women. None.

Cheers

[Beec]

I now have zero respect for women. None.

Cheers

 

Because you expect them to act like men. Doesn't work, and if they did, you would not want them.

[BlueWolf]

I now have zero respect for women. None.

Cheers

 

 

Instead of having zero respect and giving up (sigh), why don't you invest some time in reading what actually works and taking people's suggestions, and constructive criticism?

 

Person A: This is my problem it sux.

Person B: Well, this is what you need to do to make it work blah blah.

Person A: No that sux. I don't like women.

 

That's not the way to go about it, mate.

 

Unfortunately if you don't like doing what works (aka - not being the nice kiss-@$$ guy all the time), you might keep getting frustrated.

...And I'm not talking about being a jerk to make this work either. It has a shipload more to do with self-respect.

[rowboat]

Decide if you like the situation you are in or not. When you realise it is not what you want then you will find that you need to change something. I think that people have already given some good suggestions to what might be changed, and when you come to realise its not the women’s fault but your own you might deicide to use their help.

[Dating Coach]

I now have zero respect for women. None.

Cheers

 

Why don't you?

[Markers]

Why don't you?

 

probably because of this (especially the bolded - a bit harshly put but correct in essentials):

 

 

"You try to be liked and you try being nice, but that doesn't cause woman to respect your nor like you because that approach is weak and full of low self confidence. However, since you want to be liked and you try to be liked, you will end up as the friend because you are available and you do things for them to be liked. You get used."

[Dating Coach]

I kind of figured that but my goal was to get him to open up and explain more.

[Managor]

If you don't have any respect for women, no wonder you can't get close to any of them without them being drugged up... Try learning to respect other people, it's not that hard.

[RufusDawes]

When people are nice to me I am nice to them back. I have tried to make a habbit of treating people exactly how they treat me it is part of the morals I was raised to believe in. When you tell me that I must ignore a woman and not be nice to her as I would like to be to any person who was first nice to me, you an in effect asking me to trick women into liking me by being something I am not. Not being nice, showing masculinity, withholding attention thus making the woman more eger, sounds particularily nice in theory. How exactly does one act masculine, surely this is something that comes with the genes. All men are masculine as all women are feminine its part of our biology. Of course, the opposites to attract - if you want the negative terminal (female) you've got to be the positive (male). Elementary, I never have sucked up to women,far from it, I also never suck up to men. But the point i'm trying to make is that if someone asks me a favour I am most likely going to do it, if someone is nice to me I am most likely going to be nice back. If this repulses a woman - I'm completely boned. My coment on respect, no, If this is what female attraction for a male involves I do not have respect for it. As it would appear many women do not respect the strong physical pull I feel towards a female.

 

Thank you for you input, as what I have gathered from this forum is that I might not be particularily manly, thereforeeee not particularly attractive. Thats just the way it goes. Some of us are and some of us aren't. However, what I am not going to do is change the way I want to act thats just the way I roll.

 

I reckon alcohol gives you confidence, thereforeeee more attractive. Also women can't see you as well.

[Dating Coach]

When you tell me that I must ignore a woman and not be nice to her as I would like to be to any person who was first nice to me, you an in effect asking me to trick women into liking me by being something I am not.

 

I went back and browsed this thread and didn't see anyone telling you to ignore a girl. Maybe I missed it? I never tell someone to ignore a girl unless they need to get over a crush who's not interested in dating them, but whom is still wanting to keep hanging out. It's not good for a person who has a dead end crush to stay in the same situation.

 

Not being nice, showing masculinity, withholding attention thus making the woman more eger, sounds particularily nice in theory.

 

I don't think you understand what people are talking about. Who tells you not to be nice? I think you have some misconceptions that need to be dropped. If you friends in the real world are telling you these things, ignore them, they don't know what they are talking about.

 

How exactly does one act masculine, surely this is something that comes with the genes. All men are masculine as all women are feminine its part of our biology.

 

Again, I don't think you are grasping what this means. Being masculine, aka being a man, is usually said to someone when they need to stand up for themselves more. There is a such thing as being "too nice" and that comes into play when that person stops being nice and becomes a pushover. If people start taking advantage of you, or you allow yourself to linger in a situation that is not beneficial to you and possibly damaging to you, then you do need to toughen up and make a stand for yourself.

 

It is healthy to be a little bit selfish. The world would be a good place if everyone was giving, but you cannot be 100% giving. If you are you only end up getting taken advantage of and walked on. You have needs to, and being a man has to do with making sure your needs are met as well.

 

In a relationship, if you find yourself giving 100% and your partner taking 100%, then you are in a bad relationship that will fail. Not only are your needs not being met, but your partner will grow tired of your low self confidence and self esteem. You will inevitably cost your relationship the level of attraction that is necessary to maintain it.

 

if you want the negative terminal (female) you've got to be the positive (male).

 

Wrong. Besides, who wants a negative partner? Yeesh!

 

Elementary, I never have sucked up to women,far from it, I also never suck up to men. But the point i'm trying to make is that if someone asks me a favour I am most likely going to do it, if someone is nice to me I am most likely going to be nice back.

 

It's nice to do a favor, but if you become known as the "favor man" or the "yes man" you will get taken advantage of. There comes a point very quickly where you must start to ask, "What's in it for me?". You are not a jerk for asking this.

 

If this repulses a woman - I'm completely boned. My comment on respect, no, If this is what female attraction for a male involves I do not have respect for it. As it would appear many women do not respect the strong physical pull I feel towards a female.

 

I'm not sure what you are talking about here.

 

Thank you for you input, as what I have gathered from this forum is that I might not be particularily manly, thereforeeee not particularly attractive. Thats just the way it goes. Some of us are and some of us aren't. However, what I am not going to do is change the way I want to act thats just the way I roll.

 

I don't think you really understand what people saying. I think you misinterpreted something somewhere or spoke with someone who told you the wrong things. Having success with women does not require you to change who you are, just change some habits. Habits aren't you. You simply need to up your understanding of women and relationships, increase your level of self control, and develope a strong sense of self respect. Once you do these things, you can increase your success with women by making it more likely for them to notice "you" without having to change who you are.

 

As far as refusing to learn anything or make small adjustments, I wouldn't recomend that. Einstein said that true stupidity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result.

[RufusDawes]

nothing of substance.

[Dating Coach]

nothing of substance.

 

 

What are you saying?

[Dating Coach]

Well Rufus, if I were in your shoes-22 years of nothing-I wouldn't let stubborness or my ego stop me from trying to learn how to improve my situation. Just a thought.

[Derek]

I look at the posts and Rufus makes me laugh.

I see a dripping sarcasm, snappy wit that I bet alot of ladies would be entertained by.

 

The thread said something along the lines of instead of trying to make them like you, try to "make them feel good" Can you be flirty and entertaining. Funny. Making fun of them and their "boy toys" and making fun of the absurdities of life.

 

If you can do those things,

You could be a contender my boy.

 

They might see that there is more to you than you are letting on. Your mother taught you too well to put women on a pedestal. Women are just as good and bad as guys are. They have their faults and foibles too. Just as guys do. Women are human. Treat them like humans.

 

 

Derek