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Waiting for an anwser..


Cold
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long time reader, first time poster..

 

i went to my friends birthday party on Friday night, there were only 4 people, and a hot tub. People we're me, the birthday girl, my best bud and his girlfriend. Its the first time i really talked with the birthday girl, and i had a great time laughing and talking with her. I didnt want to go in the hot tub at first, but she kept begging me to come in, so finally i did. All night her attention was mainly directed at me, we shared a couple beers, we laughed, and talked, we were sitting close and she had her legs over mine. Needless to say i fell in INTREST that night. She's easy to be around, and smoking hot, specially in a bikini.

 

On Saturday i asked her best friend (my best buds g/f) if i would be "crazy to ask her out". Her friend replied that it would not be a good idead because "she doesnt date much.". This wasnt a good enough answer for me, so i asked "why" and all i got was "she just doesnt". Well im so attracted to this girl, it was taking up all my mind. So i decided that i was going to go for her anyways.. But how. Today( Sunday ) i got the idea to get her a single rose and a little card and drop it off at her house. I found out she should be getting off work soon so i raced to her house to drop it off so she would find it. The card read "Happy be-lated birthday! I had a great time Friday night, and hope i see you again soon. Your an awesome girl. -(my name) (number)"

 

Found out she's going camping, thats why i raced it to her place today, so she would find it before she was gone for 2 days.. Well i find out from my best bud that she went from work straight to her friends house, and is leaving from there to go camping. Well, thats fine i can wait i guess. But i left her flowers on the doorstep and its suppose to rain tonight.. Im praying to the flower gods that someone saw/see's them and takes them inside..(her house is located on an acreage) about 20 minutes away..

 

I was feeling great about dropping off the flowers till now, Im worried they will get washed out along with my message, or one of the dogs might hide it, whatever, just worried she wont get them, or she will, and they will be ruined.

 

Im feeling that on friday night we had a spark, or an attraction to eachother, if it wasnt for her friends answer id be feeling top notch about my chances. As with all girls, a guy can totally miss understand them. Im 19 now, have had lots of rejection, but im not really afraid of the rejection, im afriad of her not wanting a relationship with me. She's adorable, bubbley and funny. She gets my humor.. Shes got all my prefrences, shes short and got a beautiful body...A cute face that could melt anyones butter..

 

Im praying that she gets atleast my message and responds well. Its hard now knowing im gonna be waiting ATLEAST 2-3 days to find out how shes going to react...

 

Pray for me everyone!!

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LOL! Classic man...classic! I feel for you, when you say you were feeling pretty good up until you found out she went straight from work to her friends house. What you should do in the future....is if you know where she works at...just have the single flower & the card delivered to her job. Normally the flower shop or whoever will put your name on a small little card, or you can just take the card you bought her, and ask them to put it with the flower and deliver it. Good luck to ya' Cold.

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Needless to say i fell in love that night.

 

lol We've all been there.

 

So i decided that i was going to go for her anyways

 

Good for you. Don't buy into any of those excuses because that's all they are.

 

Im feeling that on friday night we had a spark, or an attraction to eachother, if it wasnt for her friends answer id be feeling top notch about my chances.

 

Ok, her friend's answer means absolutely nothing, because if you played your game right, she'll be interested in you. But I'm glad you said this because there's a lesson to be learned here about taking the opportunity when it arises. Wouldn't it have been so much better if you were to get her number (or more) that night and be in the process of progressing things instead of having to backtrack and carry out this plan just to show her your interest? And also on asking her friend about her, there really wasn't much to gain by it. If she was in a relationship or anything else, you would've found out directly, so no need to ask in future situations like this.

 

As with all girls, a guy can totally miss understand them.

 

That's fine, the only way you're going to learn is by experience, whether it be your own or someone else's.

 

Im 19 now, have had lots of rejection, but im not really afraid of the rejection, im afriad of her not wanting a relationship with me.

 

Good for you on not being afraid of rejection, keep this up. But hold off on the relationship part for a sec, because you haven't given her a chance to show you her flaws. There might be some things which could change your mind very quick, so no harm in staying undecided until the time is right. It's actually best to be undecided until you know her better so you don't appear like she has you already won.

 

The flower and note...I hesitate to criticize it because a lot of how she's going to view it depends on how you came accross to her when you two met, but you also don't want to appear like you're trying to hard to win her over. There's a line between appearing aggressive(good) and appearing needy(bad) that you don't want to cross over.

 

You got some potential in you man. Go to these other sites for more info on how to improve your skills.

 

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Cold, I think the flower thing was not a good idea at all and neither is the message you are sending to us by claiming you fell in love the first night you met her. Allow me to explain:

 

Fell in love. I hope you said this as an exaggeration because if not then you are developing a case of "one-itus" not love. You don't know this girl at all, you spent one little night at a party and had a good time. You have no idea who she is or what she thinks, so thereforeeee you cannot be in love with her. You don't know her. The idea is to get to know her.

 

The flowers are not a good idea. Why? The message it sends. The reason for doing it. None of it is good, nor is it necessary in any way. You are basically creating a possible hurdle when there is no benefit for doing so. If you ask a girl if she would like receiving flowers she would tell you that she would, but how would she actually respond in a situation of receiving them from some guy?

 

Few people are going to say, "Yeah, I hate getting flowers." especially a girl, because when you think of it, it seems like a nice gesture and girls like flowers. But would they really like to get them from just anyone?

What if some dense joe blow guy whom doesn't know how to take a hint, and whom the girl was completely unattracted to bought her a dozen flowers? Do you think she would think to herself, "Awww jow blow is so sweet!" Maybe to his face, but inside she's going to be thinking, "Great. I got that joe blow guy crushing on me and now I have to deal with him not taking hints and bothering me all of the time." You don't know where you stand with this girl, and it's far too treacherous to be buying her flowers when yo have no idea what she thinks of you. The flowers aren't going to convince her to like you. Don't rely on gifts to win favor. Do that instead with your personality.

 

Secondly, you are trying too hard. You may see this stuff work in the movies but you cannot buy a woman's romantic interest with gifts, and attempting to do so tends to send accross a message that you don't believe in yourself enough to attract her without having to resort to buying things for her. In short, it looks like you are compensating for something. I'm not saying that these thoughts are what goes through a girls head consiously, but more along the lines of subconsciously and I base that on how most girls have acted in these situations where an unwanted guy expressed his interest to her by buying her flowers. It hasn't been good.

 

I've been working with guys on relationship forums for about 4 years now and I have NEVER seen a guy win his way into a girls heart by buying her flowers or coming on too strong like this. Not once. I have seen countless times where a guy did something like this, coming on too strong, coming accross as less confident, only to be rejected or strung along as "the friend". IMO from all of my experiences on these forums and from my own experiences in life, you're headed to "friendzone" if you continue the way you have been. Even if you do manage a date or even "going out" for a short period of time, the end result will be that you're better off as friends. That's just what I think by reading your post based upon 4 years of experience on these forums. Your post held nothing I haven't seen countless times.

 

I didn't like how you dissed on heloladies links to those sites as "player" sites. heloladies was not advising you to be a player, he was trying to get you to open your eyes to how things tend to work and how best to deal with them. The only thing that makes a player a player is himself. You can easily learn good techniques of flirting and approaching and yet not be a player or a jerk. You can be a great guy and be looking for a nice long relationship and still learn a ton of stuff from sites like those. Perhaps you should keep your mind open to learning something from them.

 

What your next step would be is to find out whether or not she is interested in you. She already knows whether or not she considers you worth getting to know through dating. So you need to find out what that answer is without throwing yourself at her feet first and declaring that you want her. There is no challenge and no fun in that for her. You basically reveal all of your cards up front. Would you play poker with someone who revealed all of their cards anytime they got excited? Bleh! BORING!

 

Find out whether or not she is interested, but do so with confidence and without showing her your cards. How? Ask her out. Next time you see her, even if you have to arrange "hanging out" or getting her number, you need to ask her out on a date. You didn't say your age, but as long as you are old enough to drive you should be able to go out on a date. Don't explain to her how much you like her or put too much "drama" on the situation. Instead keep it light and fun and say, "We had a good time Friday Night and there's no reason to stop it. How about I take you out to ________. It's a wild place and I think you'll like it. How about I pick you up Tuesday at 7:00, but don't forget to dress in your cutest outfit because I have a rep to uphold!" If you say something like this in a fun, teasing, flirty way then you are showing some very good conversational skills and that's interesting. You'll get her answer, and you'll be getting it while on your coolest most fun behavior rather than a lowly needy one by confessing feelings and buying gifts.

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Thanks for the honest advice, my replies..

 

First off, maybe i used the wrong expression. I got interested in her on friday night. To me "fell in love" is the feeling i get when im interested in a girl. Sorry.

 

The flowers were 5 pink carnations. They cost me $2.26. I dont feel im trying to hard at all. Obviously im not going to tell her they cost me less then a bottle of pop, but im also not gonna say "they were expensive, so like them." I was brought up not to look into the value of things, but the thought behind it.(thats not some corney lie, its how i was brought up). Also it was her birthday on friday. I thought i would be justified in giving her a small gift, and a honest message..

 

I opened up everyone of those links that heloladies posted, maybe i got the wrong impression from him and the sites posted, but all i saw was "101 ways to improve your game".. Im sorry i dont wanna doop a girl into being interested in me. If i have to read it off a site, im obviously not being myself. And if im doing things that a site tells me to do to "seduce" a girl, then she's inlove.. sorry , interested in every guy who listens to that paticular site.

 

Friday night was the 3rd time ive been around this girl. Note "Friday was the first time i really talked to her.." in my first post.

 

Now im scared ive removed by moderator> myself over by not listening to her friend, so id like to thank you for that. But the honest feed back is appreciated.

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The flowers were 5 pink carnations. They cost me $2.26. I dont feel im trying to hard at all. Obviously im not going to tell her they cost me less then a bottle of pop, but im also not gonna say "they were expensive, so like them." I was brought up not to look into the value of things, but the thought behind it.(thats not some corney lie, its how i was brought up). Also it was her birthday on friday. I thought i would be justified in giving her a small gift, and a honest message..

 

Ok that's good that you brought this up too, because we're not talking about trying too hard by spending a lot of money on a girl, it's trying too hard by your behavior. Like just the act of concocting the plan looks like it took a lot of effort and thought. It's like emotionally trying too hard.

 

I opened up everyone of those links that heloladies posted, maybe i got the wrong impression from him and the sites posted, but all i saw was "101 ways to improve your game".. Im sorry i dont wanna doop a girl into being interested in me.

 

As far as the use of the word "game", I actually dislike that because of the negative connotation that comes along with it. In all of my studies on how to "seduce" a girl, I'm merely trying to learn how to communicate what I feel and what I truly want to say more effictively. I don't condone lying, or using a fake personality or any of that. This not an exercise in dooping, it's improving you skill in communication.

 

If i have to read it off a site, im obviously not being myself. And if im doing things that a site tells me to do to "seduce" a girl, then she's inlove.. sorry , interested in every guy who listens to that paticular site.

 

Nah, that's not the right way to see it. If you read something and it makes sense to you and causes you to view things in a certain way, you have in fact internalized it. You are naturally being you. If you hear an interesting story, or read about some fun psychology test and want to tell it to girls because you think it's really interesting, what is so fake about that? Just because some guy noticed good results from the opposite sex when he tells it? It doesn't make it his and his alone. All the stimulous you receive (friends, TV, enotalone) influence the material you talk about. These sites are only different in that they are about your views on and communicating with women.

 

Now im scared ive removed by moderator> myself over by not listening to her friend

 

I don't know why you say this. If you would've listened to your friend, you would still be sitting on the sidelines doing nothing. At least this way you're doing something. And I believe this is one of those things that you can only truly learn by doing and learning from. There are lots of areas where you just can't be coached through.

 

So delve into those sites a little bit, there's some bad advice on there, but there's also some bad advice on here too. Read through, experiment, and find what will work for you.

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Your right. I feel after some thinking that it will come off as me trying to hard. But i didnt mean it to come off that way. To me, the flowers were an honest little present for her birthday, and to get her to know im interested in her, and the note to tell her that i enjoyed her company. I dont see anything wrong with it from that point of view, but my eyes have been opened to how she might feel. Right now i am going to wait. Hopefully i will see her in person sometime soon. I want to explain myself, and i think i would like to invite her to a steak night fundraiser thats next month. Ive already invited my best bud, and im going to tell him to invite his girlfriend if he wants...

 

In my mind, in my defence, i didnt even think of coming on to strong. I consider myself to be a gentlemen, honestly. I do like to share wealth (not that im wealthy) with friends and family and the occasional girlfriend i have. Its justy the way i am. I dont feel im not confident. For me it took

confidence to leave flowers. I feel there are to many guys who treat girls/ their girlfriends like (sorry) "crap". And i never want to be that way, no it doesnt mean i think being nice is always buying stuff for her, but when i do something like the flowers, i do it thinking it will make the receiver happy or excited.

 

Right now i do not know if she knows about them yet. Not sure if shes home yet. But when she finds them, if it has a negative effect, im hoping she will still be willing to let me explain my actions..

 

My emotions in the last few days have gone from great to (sorry again) crap.. But today, i am feeling a little optomistic, and i will keep it at that.

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Just be careful about how much you "explain your actions". You don't want to get too close to showing all your cards, as diggity said. I understand that you were raised to do what you do, but now a days leaving notes and sending flowers just comes off more creepy than romantic...so it's best to leave that until you're with the person.

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Cold, you do not need to "explain" anything. "Explaining" is boring and full of seriousness and drama. Don't ever "talk" to a girl about what you are feeling or thinking when it comes to your attraction or interest. If you want her to know, do it with ACTIONS not words.

If you want to date her then simply ask her out. Be like, "Hey Becky, if you think the party last Friday was fun, come out with me Thursday Night. I know this place called ________ that is a good time! Pick you up at 7?" or something along those lines. If she has any interest in you, she'll go. If she comes up with an excuse, she's not interested. This way you find out your answer, and you get straight to the point on setting up a date. You aren't confessing your feelings or explaining anything, you're avoiding all drama and seriousness and are just trying to set up a date. If she asks whether or not it's a date you say that it is. If she doesn't want to go as a date, be polite but recind the offer because you are only looking for a date, not to bring along a friend.

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Oh, well i found out through her friend. The girl i gave the flowers to told my friend that she wasnt even gonna call or anything. So i guess its good i asked her friend. But yeah, she told my friend she thought the flowers were sweet gesture, but she is not interested in me.

 

Could have fooled me, lol.

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My buddy asked the girl i gave flowers to "In your honest opinion, what did you think of the flowers?" she replied that she thought the flowers were very sweet, but she just isnt interested. So flowers or not im confident the answer would be the same.

 

Last night me and my friends got drunk and went bowling. And i got a chicks number at the bowling alley. So i think i will call her today and ask her to do something tonight.

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Last night me and my friends got drunk and went bowling. And i got a chicks number at the bowling alley. So i think i will call her today and ask her to do something tonight.

 

Way to go man! See I knew you got it in you. You're gonna be fine, just keep learning. Yup, get on the case and give that chick a ring.

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Hmph. Called today around 12.30p, she wasnt home so i just left my name and number, and its now 9 hours later and no call.. Tsk tsk, kinda disappointing working up the couraqe to get a number and call her, and she doesnt return the favour. Im not to worked up over it, but its just a let down

 

I know its "only" 9 hours. But i would imagine a sooner call from someone whos interested, so im not confident at this point. Lol makes me want to go find someone else.

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Well you should definitely still be looking for someone else, but don't be so sensitive. She might have been busy today and will call you tomorrow, but honestly she owes you nothing at this point. You don't want to sound mad if she calls. It's really not that big of a negative sign. Relax, give her a chance to call back. Go get some other numbers in the meantime.

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