Hohum - how to get over hate???

[salmonhead_uk]

THIS IS HUGE AS IT HAS A BIG BACKLOG OF STUFF...IM SORRY GUYS. please read!

 

 

Well,

I haven't been here in a while! My how it's changed! Looking very funky.

So...I don't know what my problem is. I went out with a total control freak for 8 months. My father got cancer, I was in my last year of uni, and he was horrid to me - the boyf not my dad! He couldn't drive so I drove everywhere, he got fired and remained unemployed for 6 months. He owes me a lot of money. a lot. Its been 2 months since we broke up and I have to see him again as his phone contract is in my name, and typically he is havng problems paying it, I need it swapped into his name and so we have to be together.

 

We met after 5and a half weeks no contact by mistake - both at same gig of a friends - and we ended up sleeping together. Me wanting to sort it out (would have been a big mistake) and him not. Then we have avoided each other for another 5 weeks. I have had a lot of good things happen since he left, finished uni (we broke up right before my exam finals - he is that selfish), got great results, got job interviews for my dream career, and have felt more free, bubbly, more friends than in ages. YET, now I have to see him, and yesterday had to talk to him, I feel awful. I woke up with that sick feeling you get after you've just broken up. I can't stand the idea of seeing him. He not only made a complete fool out of me nearly every weekend for 8 months, he tried to destroy my self-esteem, put down all the things about me that I consider good, just really hurt me, but the had sex with me afterwards and acted like a total jerk about it.

 

I even ended up round there trying to chat to him face to face and nearly begging him to go back out with me. I dont know why...we were never suited, i have all these dreams and aspirations that he thinks of as STRESS, this is because he smokes a lot of weed, listens to reggae and presumes that life has to be that way or you are a horrid person.

 

The worst is that I read his emails. I told him to please change the password because i knew it and he couldn't (he says he doesn't know how...this is the amount of laziness we are dealing with here) and I saw emails from a woman he met when he went away for the weekend. She is 30 to his 24 and obviously very bright and outgoing, feel bad for her because she sounded like me and he'll totally annoy her, but that's for her to find out. He'd written that his ex was really bad, she didn't cheat, although he wasn't sure, but that she was " a real drain on the soul"...never have I felt my stomach lurch like it did then. How RUDE! I know i know..it's taught me not to look again before you tell me off.

 

But this guy....oh my god...this guy, read my diary (was angry because since having depression a few years ago I put all my negative self thoughts in there and he didn't like it, didn't see why I'd write such things but he used them against me by saying "why do you think no-one likes you, because youare a piece of xxit". He hid outside my workplace to see if I was getting with guy friends. He demanded lifts and if I was out socialising with my friends (which happened VERY rarely) and wouldnt come he'd go mad. Once my battery on my phone died so he just rang my friends phone and kept on shouting! He demanded I delete certain numbers off of my phone. He demanded more attention when i had work due in, and couldn't fathom why i would have male friends at all. He'd tell me I was fat. He'd demand I leave the HOSPITAL and come to meet him when Dad was ill. He told me if I moved away for my career he wouldn't stay with me. He was horrible to me, totally vile.

 

However I've never been able to be rude to him. I didn't want to break up when we did (he cried and cried at me and couldn't say the words, just wanted me to sleep there with him because he felt bad all that rubbish, so i left) only 2 weeks before my uni finals. Ever since I've felt like that saddest woman on earth. He is so uninterested in me and how well life goes for me and now he's using me as an excuse to pull new women after only 2 months. I dont want to see him because he always manages to upset me. He's so dull, and we have nothing in common, he's not THAT attractive to me and never was, but he's still messing in my head. Feel like I can't get up and dust myself off because he's hanging around in there.

 

The last time I was on this site I had been cheated on by my boyf of 2 years, I got over that in 6 months, but that was by never speaking to him again and getting on with life. Now, well, I feel I can't get away from this guy. We share friends from way back at 17 and everyone has a little story about him. I truly feel I hate this bloke. But I can never stick up for myself and tell myself that he's not worth thinking about.

 

Help! Advice, tell me I'm normal!!!!!!!

[lilac_indi]

wow. from what ive just read do you really think this guy is really worth the energy from you? even if its hate? if i was you i wouldnt give this guy a second thought.

 

i know that you are angry with him and you have good reason to be but if you keep going over these things then it will be difficult for you to let go and you may even make yourself sick.

 

let this be the last time you meet him - after this meeting with him go NC. cut off all communication from your end and this means no phonecalls, no emailing, no texting - nothing. this will help you get over your feelings for him - even the hate.