Distance myself to get his attention??

[digitaldiva]

I want my male friend to pay more attention to me. I've been doing some reading and seems as though men will pay more attention to you once you stop paying so much attention to them and focus more on yourself! How do I stop paying him so much attention without him thinking that I have lost interest in him??

 

 

[lipstick]

Thats easy.......................

next time when he is around start talking about shopping........

ur problems............

ur nails...............

ur hair.............

[saren]

Well, maybe it doesn't have to be percieved as a mindgame. Think of it as pursuing an independent life's interests. I think it's really healthy and appealing to go off and do other things other than pine away for that special person. For them, it makes you sound really interesting because you're off busily (and hopefully happily) doing all this stuff, and not intimidating or smothering to them by always hanging around and calling multiple times a day. I've personally stopped going out with guys because of this -- people who are SO involved in following me every step through my life, there are become no outside interests other than me. It's unnerving. And for you, it gives you lots of interesting stuff to talk about when he DOES chance to get a hold of you. Interesting people are

attractive!

Try to look at it positively!

 

s

[Seraph]

haha. I'm a guy. Agreed on all counts, all counts. Question for saren though, what makes it so unnerving? I am guilty of that 'smothering' thing... infact I just lost someone because I was so insanely involved. I realize it's horrible to be obsessed like that, but ... please explain the psychology behind it.

[Rain533]

I have also read some things about this. I think that what works best is not to really ignore him but just don't alway be avalable for him to do thinks with or talk to. this will show him that you do have a life out side of him. some guys don't like it when a girl is always there, kind of in there face so to speek. So the distence with kind of give him a chance to miss you. kind of like the saying you don't miss what you have in tell it's gone.

[saren]

I guess there are a couple of reasons why I personally think it's unnerving to be constantly hounded by someone who's overly amourous. I'll list them in order of least unnerving to most.

 

It leaves little to the imagination. It's a little strange to think of someone devoting their day to wondering if you'll call them, and in response call you every time they think about you. It makes me uncomfortable. For me, who is not used to that much or sort of attention most of the time (especially from ppl I WANT it from), it gets annoying. I've gotten calls at 1am from this guy for NO REASON when I have to be up for work at 6am. It's annoying and you get no points for being annoying.

 

It's intimidating sometimes, and it's a little scary in excess. I like someone a lot right now, and I rarely call him because I'm afraid of making a nuisance of myself. But when I DO muster the courage to do it, he's glad I did and asks me to "call again soon, OK?" ... I like that response better than being branded as annoying, manic obsessive, or scary. I guess sometimes less is more.

 

Reason three: budding stalker behavior? Most likely not, but don't put it past a girl to consider it as such if you come on too much WAY too fast.

 

But for me personally, I just feel overwhelmed by too much affection in a short span of time. It's like a stimulus overload, whereas a few sweet tokens would be far more endearing. I also get annoyed when guys are too quick to jump the guns to get to the good dtuff to not even let me be their friend and get to know them first.

Maybe it's a case of "if it's there for the taking, no questions asked, are you sure you want it anymore?" Sometimes the intrigue is the most exhilarating part.

 

But most of the time, it's just damned annoying.

 

s

[its your life]

Here's my take. I don't see distancing yourself from him as attractive. Maybe it's just the way you are saying it. True a guy want a self-sufficent girl that has goals and passions. And it seems you have these. Why not take the direct approach and tell him you feel less important to him etc.. Instead of playing games (which rarely work) dealing with the issue at might just clear things up. He might not realize what he is doing and how you see him "running away."

 

I think guys appreicate a girl that can communicate her feelings and talk to us without mind games. Distancing might work in him missing you, but you might also open a whole nother can of worms.

 

Talk to him.....