What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?

[Pheonixpassion84]

It has been a long time since I've had a relationship, kissed, romanced or anything of the above with a member of the oposite gender (male) and I am starting to feel like I am not getting close to it anytime soon.

 

It is really hurting my self esteem. On good days I feel really pretty and attractive. I look in the mirror and I like what I see. I feel confident because often times people will tell me im attractive and sometimes when Im walking down the road guys will show interest in me and "check me out" etc. But then I realize that this never escalates to anything. That's when I start getting my bad days. I wonder if people just tell me im attractive to be nice and if the guys I see around are just desperate for anything. I realize that I am a failure at earning a relationship... or even a date and I dont know why. Thats when I look in the mirror and hate what I see.

 

I do have guy friends but they only see me as friends and I only see them as friends. The part that scares me most is what guys say about women behind their back. It's like all mean care about is looks. Illl hear them say things like "I hate her shes so ugly" or if they talk about someones girlfriends and they say "shes so ugly how can you stand to be friends with her?!"... of course I could never be friends with these kinds of men because they are so shallow.

 

So basically what it all comes down to is that I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I not approachable enough? Do I somehow scare men off? Am I extremely ugly and I just dont know it? Do they hate my personality?

 

 

I know you guys dont personally know me so this is kind of a hard post to reply too but any help is appreciated. Sorry about the length.

[hoppy27]

if it makes you feel any better your arent alone. i to wonder why a woman hasnt seen anything good in me yet. im attractive enough. ive been single for 3 years. some people just dont get alot of attention for one reason or another. i just keep telling myslef sooner or later somebody will love me.

stupid as it is................being single has its benefits.

beleieve me id trade it to be close to someone again.

[SexySadie7]

I feel the same way. .i have people tell me i'm pretty. but no one asks me for a date.. I hate being alone..

I'm getting older and don't see this getting any better either..

It sucks to be all by myself. I'm intelligent, caring, low-key, friendly, but no one seems to want to get involved with me.

Maybe I just am not that attractive at all either..

I don't know.. we don't have alot of single attractive guys in this town to begin with. I'm starting to think that moving away might be a good move.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I feel you...

 

When I start to see a guy it seems like he tells me repeatedly, almost compulsively, that he just can't believe I'm not married. And don't I have guys flocking around me all the time? ....(whatever?)...

 

Well, I'm not. Can we get over the novelty? And pretend that we're just two normal people trying to get to know eachother? How about that?

 

So yeah, in summary, I agree, a lot of guys are pretty shallow....

[moe42]

Well if im interested in a guy I basically just walk up and introduce myself. It might seem forward but it works and even if I dont end up dating them they usually become really good friends. Even if nothing happens at all you gain confidence and self esteem amazingly. Also makes dating easier, it is less akward when your trying to not be shy and less of those "first date gitters" cause your used to striking up conversation with complete stangers.

 

Suggestions:

 

-Look for wedding ring BEFORE proceeding

- If they look scary, dont do it, I dont care if you havnt been on a date in 20 years

- If you talk to them and are uncomfortable its a gut instinct, walk away, your conscious is telling you something is not right

 

Good conversation topics

 

- Jobs, ask where he works, maybe youve been there, maybe youll stop by sometime and try the food

- If they have an accent (happens more than you think) ask where they are from, maybe youve been there too

- If your really starvin for matirial ask their last name if its like O' Brian they are obviously irish or if its Holtzinger they are most definatly German, work with that

 

Things not to do but commonly happens with nervusness

 

- Dont look at you feet

- Dont look at their mouth

- Dont fidget

- No nervous laughter

- Dont dress skanky, dressing skanky and being forward give an image (not a good one), introducing yourself shows confidence

- Dont try to be something your not, if he likes golfing dont automatically like golfing but if you have any interest at all then you can say "oh ive tried that before"

 

 

And remember

- Smile

- Wear lipgloss/lipstick

- Stand up straight

- Be honest

- Lastly have fun with it, he will notice if your nervous and it will make him nervous.

 

OH and if he is with a group that the guy girl racio is more in favor of the women, dont go there, chances are he is with someone

[Pheonixpassion84]

Wow this seems to be a issue for a lot of women. At least I know I'm not alone. It's so frustrating to think that you're trying everything you can and even thoough, as hoppy27 said, being single has its benefits, you still cant get involved with someone when you want. Don't get me wrong, being single is great. It's independent and free and a good way to get to know yourself. But you can't be single all your life, right?

[Phoenix69]

I am a firm believer in when you are looking for something you won't find it, when you stop looking, somehow the universe just knows and sends someone good your way. I know its hard (I was single for four years and was constantly asking myself what was so wrong with me) but after Im stopped trying so hard, boys just seemed to appear. I was in my first relationship for three and a half years before being single for four. When I stopped putting out the "desperate" vibe (which all single people sometimes put out, even though we don't know we are doing it) my current BF came along at a party...

 

Keep your chin up, it will happen when you least expect it...

[steelwool]

Could you answer these questions for me before I help you out?

 

1. Do you give guys you like signals that you're interested?

 

2. If yes, What do you normally do to accomplish it?

 

3. Are you approachable(smiling, friendly, not wearing glasses that hide your eyes).

 

4. Do you have any specific type of man you're attracted to?

[Dating Coach]

Could you answer these questions for me before I help you out?

 

Most girls give out signs that they are interested, and most men have no idea how to pick up on them.

[DN]

Most girls give out signs that they are interested, and most men have no idea how to pick up on them.

So perhaps it is time that men learned to pick up the signs and women learned to give signals that men can understand.

[Pheonixpassion84]

Could you answer these questions for me before I help you out?

 

1. Do you give guys you like signals that you're interested?

 

2. If yes, What do you normally do to accomplish it?

 

3. Are you approachable(smiling, friendly, not wearing glasses that hide your eyes).

 

4. Do you have any specific type of man you're attracted to?

 

1. I think I do but it depends on the social situation. Sometiems If they are extremely attractive or something I get all nervous and shy.

 

2. I'm not sue what you mean by that.. but to give out signals I usually talk to them a lot, ask them questions, look at them, laugh a lot, and if im at a party or something I'll dance with them.

 

3. Yeah Id say Im pretty apporachable. Like I said it does depend on the situation but I am a very friendly outgoing person.

 

4. Someone who's pretty outgoing, fun, active, athletic, smart. Also reasonable attractive.

[RufusDawes]

Just look in the mirror, if you have heaps of fat and ur face is all out of whack then you're probably ugly. Then thats probably why you can't get a boyfriend. Run heaps eat well. Read lots keeping your mind active can help.

[RufusDawes]

I do have guy friends but they only see me as friends and I only see them as friends.

 

RETURN IS A MEASURE OF VARIABILITY PERHAPS YOU JUST SEE THEM AS FRIENDS, PERHAPS YOU COULD BE SOMETHING MORE. I hope you have asked them - if they only see you this way. Or at least, get pissed and go for it.

[Pheonixpassion84]

Just look in the mirror, if you have heaps of fat and ur face is all out of whack then you're probably ugly. Then thats probably why you can't get a boyfriend. Run heaps eat well. Read lots keeping your mind active can help.

haha no i dont have heaps of fat. Im actually really small. I think my face is fine... But I'm not exactly big chested and I'm not so curvey either haha so maybe thats why.

[RufusDawes]

haha no i dont have heaps of fat. Im actually really small. I think my face is fine... But I'm not exactly big chested and I'm not so curvey either haha so maybe thats why.

 

maybe you should take up poker you probably just have a really good poker face. Guys can't read you so they don't know if you like them. If i were a woman, which i'm not or i would be REALLY ugly, you should just go up to some guy that you like who isn't too awesome (yes you should always stack the odds if you don't like failing) and see what happens. I reckon it would be a nice experiment, be EXTREMELY obvious most of the dudes won't hold it against you. They might laugh, but thats only b/c whats going through our heads, well at least mine, is hey hey !! go Michael, John, Peter or Paul. Whatever his name maybe. AND we'll then know you're atleast attainable, willing and ready for a relationship so in the future might not be as hesistant or reluctant to approach you.

[pLaTiNumPOSH]

I am in the same predicament as you are. I get looks and admires from afar but nothing ever becomes of it. I've had a good amount of the opposite sex who can't seem to turn their heads away from me...yet I never do get an approach.

 

Though, I never stop believing THAT yes I am gorgeous...but after awile I start questioning the fact as to whether I was meant to be alone or not...

 

...ah the single life...

[Dating Coach]

So perhaps it is time that men learned to pick up the signs and women learned to give signals that men can understand.

 

That's my point.