Online Support group for Cheaters

[Dara]

I know it hurts to be cheated on and many people have no sympathy for those who cheat. But perhaps there is someone here like me who has cheated on someone special who was totally undeserving of such disrespect and needs to talk about feelings of remorse that won't go away. Does anyone know a place where cheaters can post about their experiances without fear of judgement from people who haven't "been there"?

[2900]

so whats ur story? do share...

[Todd]

Dara, my wife recently cheated on me so I would love to hear your story. Since all this started, one thing I've wanted was to understand why she did it because from my standpoint, there was nothing to our marriage that couldn't have been fixed with proper counseling.

 

So please do share your story.

[Dara]

Not really comfortable sharing ATM.

[Todd]

When you're ready please do. It would probably help a lot of people going through this to understand. As angry as I am right now because it is all still so fresh, I know me and knowing me, I'll eventually forgive my cheating wife. I just wish she would have given us another chance instead of going down this road but what can you do.

[2900]

Not really comfortable sharing ATM.

 

share when ur ready. i've been there myself so i know, to some extent, what ur going through and how ur feeling. remember, this community is here so we can support each other, not to criticize and hate on each other.

[Meow18]

I do not know of any kind of forums like that.

 

Most people here are respectful and we will read your story and try to help you through it all.

 

I do believe that some cheaters really are sorry. And whether or not they deserve a second chance is up to the other person.. and only the other person. But we can still offer you support because when you really are sorry, it's not an easy thing to deal with.

 

But whenever you are ready, you should share with us.

[Dara]

Really having a hard time keeping this in right now. It comes and goes.

 

 

(The prestory)

I was at University alone while in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend Chris, who was living in another town 6 hours away. (recipe for disaster you might be thinking But We had been together for 3 years out of our 19. We thought our relationship was better than that) Before I left town I asked him if we should break up. I kind of wanted to because I felt I needed to experience things independently, and I kinda felt guilty just talking to other guys about stuff like math assignments and thought this relationship was making it hard for me to make friends. I am already shy and have a hard time meeting new people. In fact, aside from Chris I was pretty much alone. This was probably my biggest problem, not having experience in non romantic relationships.

(the meeting)

(keeping the story moving) I had always been into ballet and dance so I joined a lindyhop class on campus and thats where I met the other guy (his name is kinda unique so I don't want to write it). We danced together a lot, I found the classes kind of boring and slow paced, but they were cheap and I needed excercise and I was starting to make friends there. After just the second week he asked to walk me to my dorm. I said yes and soon after we were out of the gym he stopped and asked me if he could kiss me. I put my arms around him and wispered "I wish" in his ear. He asked "Why not" I put my lips to his neck and said "because I already have a boyfriend" He quickly appologized and started walking. On the way home I put my arms around him.

(The betrayal)

I told my boyfriend that he had asked for a kiss pretty soon after it happened, he didn't like the idea of me seeing him or dancing with him anymore, but I told him how I was all alone out here and I wanted to have him as a friend. He agreed to letting me continue to see him because he wanted me to be happy.

But still I was totally unappreciative of Chris because every week after dance we'd walk me to my room arm in arm and then have a long goodbye where he would be hoping for a kiss. And I would want him to kiss me because I liked him, and because if he kissed me instead of me kissing him I could just slap him and then tell my boyfriend that I had been good and slapped the boy who tried to kiss me. But there was never any kiss at the end of these nights. Things with me and Chris were pretty bad too. We didn't see eachother very much and when he did come to visit I would be upset about how it interrupted my study time. On our last visit I was mean about it and told him he shouldn't have come. I don't think we had sex on our last visit, either. It was a week after that I started becoming significantly unfaithful. I was at dance class again and was jumping around and having fun dancing with the other guy and I decided to kiss him. After that we left the gym and sat somewhere else in the school and made out.

(The discovery)

The whole thing lasted a week, and it got pretty far. I'll call it 3rd base. But Chris knew, he just knew. It came to him in a dream and he was on a bus to see me the next day.

 

I was surprised when I saw him there. I told him that my friend was coming to visit and he became suspicious. I told him I kissed him and revealed the other details too. He didn't take it well. And seeing him upset I immediately asked how I could make it up to him. After only a moment's hesitation he told me that I would have to come live with him for 1 university semester and cut off all contact with the guy. I immediately agreed, knowing that I had no power in this situation.

(After)

I didn't want to leave my school I felt a need to progress and move on with my life, these were the same feelings that made me want to break up with Chris in the first place. I pondered leaving Chris and continueing with school but I needed to make it up to him. Maybe, I thought, I would put in my 4 months with Chris and then be able to leave him with a clean conscience. Not talking to the other guy was hard too. I broke this rule more times than I can remember. I really needed someone to talk to. I spent all that time just thinking about what I did and feeling worthless. Chris had lots of people he could turn to for support but I had no one. That is why I kept contacting the other guy. I felt I couldn't talk to Chris, I think it brought him too many painful memories he wanted to forget it. But me I couldnt forget about how I'd hurt him and I needed to get it out and there were only two people I could turn to.

 

(More to Come)

 

PLEASE NOTE

-Please do not quote this huge block of text

 

-Feel free to ask questions But I really do feel remorse about this and do not need to be judged right now.

[theantibarbie23]

I know of such a place. It's called link removed and it has a forum just for wayward spouses that appears to be very supportive and (and doesn't allow bashing or trolls).

 

Hope that helps you out a bit.

[pacopaco]

I was cheated on. well, it's easy to bash and get all hurtful, but i never even bashed my ex, so why should i bash you?

As painful as it all is, all i can say is "these things happen." They do. I never cheated on her, or anyone, but i think sometimes people become so fearful and begin to rezch out for whatever, anything, even if it is a fleeting thing. what they fail to realise is that they had the support, and the fear could be helped if they turned to someoe who loves them.

in your case, seeing that this is a Long Distance thing, maybe you both should have broken up when you left. I can imagine its a hard thing to work at, these Long Distance relationships.

[Dara]

I know of such a place. It's called link removed and it has a forum just for wayward spouses that appears to be very supportive and (and doesn't allow bashing or trolls).

 

Hope that helps you out a bit.

Wonderful, thank you theantibarbie

[yeawutever]

Well people share their stories here and bad posts usually with offensive comments usually get deleted. It's ok if you don't wish to share your story, if you then feel free to write, I won't judge you by the way.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Try ivillage.co.uk, they have a My Affair board, I believe.

[thisismy]

On 7/26/2006 at 5:59 PM, pacopaco said:

I was cheated on. well, it's easy to bash and get all hurtful, but i never even bashed my ex, so why should i bash you?

As painful as it all is, all i can say is "these things happen." They do. I never cheated on her, or anyone, but i think sometimes people become so fearful and begin to rezch out for whatever, anything, even if it is a fleeting thing. what they fail to realise is that they had the support, and the fear could be helped if they turned to someoe who loves them.

in your case, seeing that this is a Long Distance thing, maybe you both should have broken up when you left. I can imagine its a hard thing to work at, these Long Distance relationships.

Yeah. You're right. In my case I was the cheater. It was only a month long relationship and I still feel horrible for what I did two month later. I think if you're really deep down in the rabbit hole of your own problems, maybe things you're keeping up with since years, it can be (or it even was in my case) an act of strength and courage to be vulnerable infront of your partner. In fear that they wouldn't understand or something. So you just escape in the last direction that may help you to make you feel worthy, seen, loved idk... I think I was just running away. Not being able to confront my own shadow. The pain and the fake world I put up. Because that's what a partner does, he lights up the parts of you that were hid. He sees you. You can't hide infront of love. And then I got fearful. And tried to escape into a sort of amusement park where everything is possible, problems are far away, and with that also my boyfriend. Not caring what anyone will say. Not caring what he will say. Just running away. Now the pain is tenfold. Well that didn't work. The only thing you can't run from is your own feet.