Quick question

[blueeyeguy]

i was just wondering is 10 guys alot of sexual partners for a 19 yr old girl??

[NKP]

No not to me but it could be to other people tho

[PRSOV]

Depends over how long?

 

At once then I think yes definitely!

[blueeyeguy]

she lost her virginity at 15 but has also had a very troubled past

[PRSOV]

I would say she does this because they give her the attention that fills the gap [from the abuse].

 

What kind of trouble has she had in the past?

[blueeyeguy]

well to start she used to watch her dad beat her mom so he left when she was very young and i know not having a dad is a big part...her mom has never told her she loves her.....she says tat she had sex to feel loved or that they would hopefully fall in love with her

[Candide]

that is a matter of oppinion but that works out to a little more than 2 guys a year, the promiscouity probably stems from her relationship with her father.

[PRSOV]

I understand why she is doing this, she wants to feel loved. Unfortunately she is going the wrong way about things... If she wants to find love, sleeping with a number of men isn't going to help. Which in turn is probably why she has had so many sexual partners.

 

There isn't anything you can do, she most likely needs professional counselling.

[yeawutever]

Sorry to hear what she's been through. It must be hard not having a dad that cares about you and a mom that doesn't any any affection. This would probably explain her promiscuous behavior with men. However, if she were to get in future relations her reputation would suffer and she won't be seen what she really is on the inside, thus she won't find love this way. All she'll find by having random sex is lust and getting taken advantage of. She should indeed seek counseling right away.

[blueeyeguy]

well i am her bf and i love her very much and i see whats on the inside its just that she always told me she only had 7 partners and then se told me it was really 10 and idk it was just buggin me a bit

[Candide]

as long as you love eachother nothing matters but she may want to seek therapy because later in life these feelings can come out in far more destructive ways

[PRSOV]

If she lied to you before how do you know she isn't lying now?

[voltaire]

You've got a decision to make. It may be that she'll yet reveal more. You have to decide whether this is not important in the big scheme of things, or whether it really matters enough that it's always going to get through to you. I was faced with the same decision a long time ago, and I made the wrong choice and ended up going through a divorce. So what I'd say is this - GIVE THIS RELATIONSHIP TIME BEFORE GETTING TOO COMMITTED.

[bobo85]

Yes i believe having 10 sexual partners is a lot for a 19 year old. How many of these are just one night stands and how many are from actual dating?

[blueeyeguy]

yes i kinda think its alot to and only like 3 are from dating..... her past really dont help though im not using it as an excuse but i am taking it into acount

[PRSOV]

Does she seem to still have issues from the past or do you think that she moved on from that stage of her life now?

[BellaDonna]

The 10 partners part isn't what is bothering me about this- it's the lying part. I think lying about it was the greater offense.

 

Have you talked about whether she used protection in the past? Has your relationship reached a sexual level? I think it would be a good idea to get tested together. I'm not saying she has something- but I think it would help put both of you at ease to get tested.

 

It's great that you are there for her- but you should never put your own health on the line.

 

BellaDonna

[PRSOV]

I brought that up before but there was no reply...

[blueeyeguy]

well yes she actually lied to me about alot of things ....the whole story is in another thread i started....but i really do think she moved on from that type of life...she shows me everyday she is trying and i can see that she is. i also think that when she came out to me about her past she just let me have it all so no i dont think she has anymore secrets to tell me....and me myself has had 7 partners before her.

 

she once told me about how she dd have clamdia and sh got it all cleaned up now but yes i think it wold be a good idea to o gt cecked out about it.

 

thx everyone for there post also

[PRSOV]

i also think that when she came out to me about her past she just let me have it all so no i dont think she has anymore secrets to tell me....and me myself has had 7 partners before her

 

Personally, this is something I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk to her about. You can't just go along assuming that she is telling you the truth... She hasn't been completely honest with you so far.

 

Whilst it is great that she is trying really hard to move on from what has happened I think you should consider asking her if some counselling would help. It doesn't appear that she is completely over what has happened.

[blueeyeguy]

yes i have sat down with her many times and she knows she lost my trust for now....but i respect the fac that she could come out with all this......as for believing everything she says to me though...im not that gullable i always have my doughts when it come to what woman are being trutfull about

[PRSOV]

Can I just ask why are you still with her if you don't trust her... and the fact that she has betrayed your trust more than once in the past. Is she really worth it?

 

She definitely has issues and needs professional help.

[blueeyeguy]

because i do love her and i want to be here for her....she has lost my trust yes but im stil with her cuz she atleast came clean with me and it wil just take her sumtime to gain my trust back. i know that if i get anymore lies in the future that this relationship is over. she is seeking professional help now tho

[blueeyeguy]

i would also like to say that im not innocent and i cheated on her with 2 woman early in the relationship...im came clean alot sooner than she did tho

[sophie274]

I've read your other thread, and I think the problem is on both sides of the relationship. Yes, she lied to you about the number of sexual partners you had had, and she has actually had 3 more of them than you. However, you also say in the thread that now you feel like you should get the score even! This might be one of the reasons she lied to you.

 

Also, after you cheated on her (twice!), she could very well have some trust issues with you, and that may be a reason why she would not want to come clean with you about her difficult past.

 

Either way, I think you need to decide whether you like her enough to want to work on having a healthy relationship with you, and she has to decide the same as to her relationship with you. If you both decide you want to continue, then she needs to be honest with you, and I also think you should not berate her about her number of sexual partners. You say you have had 7 yourself - that's not a huge difference.