Puzzling...

[Jayar]

I was never really a social butterfly before. In fact you could say I pretty well closed the door on all my friends, saw my family maybe once a week, and spent ALL my free time either with or thinking about my now ex-BF. And I saw him maybe 3 or 4 times a week, and the remainder of the time I was happy and content to just be with myself relaxing, watching TV, doing the dishes or cleaning the apartment, whatever.

 

Now since the break up (last Saturday night) I've been OBSESSED with filling my social calendar. I have not taken any time to just be alone and I dread being at home even at night. I've spent whatever time I can with family, reconnecting with friends, and signing up for whatever events I can to fill my evenings.

 

Why is it that when I was with him, I was quite content to have alone time 50%+ of the time... But now any alone time that I may have to deal with scares me?

[chigal28]

I think because when you were alone before, you knew there would be 3-4 days that week when you wouldn't be. You also likely want to distract yourself right now from thoughts of the breakup, which is perfectly normal...and in fact in my opinion a great way to move on and get back into the rest of your life. I'm sure your family and friends are thrilled to have you back.

 

That said, don't forget to balance your socializing with some alone time, to re-center yourself and get to know yourself again. Balance is key. Alone time after a breakup is scary because it forces us to be alone with our thoughts....but you need that right now, too.

[VeganBohemian]

This happens to me as well! I find that when I have a boyfriend, I end up spending all of my time with him or alone.

 

When the love from your boyfriend gets taken away, there still exists a need to be loved. You are now getting that from friends and family. You don't want to be alone because the time you used to spend alone was spent thinking about your boyfriend. You are just filling the void.

 

It feels good to be independent and rekindle your old interests! It seems as though you sometimes lose them when you become too obsessed with a boyfriend.

[saltwatergirl]

When you are alone with blocks of unstructured time, you will think about the ex/breakup and maybe get sad, depressed, cry, break down, etc. You want to avoid that, so you fill your days and nights with people and activities so that you are not left alone "with yourself" for your mind to wander and emotions to run rampant. I understand this completely.

You're running from the pain you think you will experience.

 

At some point, you will have to gain some strength and face your feelings and go through the flood of emotions that will hit you. You cant avoid this forever.

 

You cant avoid this forever, sooner or later you have to stop moving, look the pain in the eye, face it, and defeat it. Only then can you truly begin to heal and move forward.

 

You can only play hide and seek with the feelings for so long. Sooner or later, you have to face them.

 

Salt

[Strange_and_Morbid]

And maybe being alone now reminds you of when you were alone before and okay with it. You know, because you didn't have a problem with it before, since you knew it was just temporary. But now you've broken up it seems lonelyer because it seems like you're totally isolated.

[blueangel]

If you're not ready to face the silence, you're not ready. But personally, I like to get lost in it. It's the only way I can really hear.

[robowarrior]

I still don't think that's a healthy way to love people tho. The moment you get a bf you dump your loved ones. The moment you get dumped you embrace those who you left behind. I personally think you should get a more equal devision of love towards those who you love, instead of getting with the bf and then deserting everybody else. Its sorta parasetic in that way =\

[vandgsmom]

Ok, I am going to jump right out there without having a basis in which to found this on:

 

Do you have sort of an obsessive/binging personality?

 

I don't mean this in a stalker-ish way, but in the way that you might feel compelled to focus only on ONE big thing at a time. If you are in a relationship, your whole life is just (sort of unhealthily) focused on that relationship to the exclusion of all other things. So the converse would be that if you aren't, then your life would be about binging on being a social butterfly vs. the content-to-stay-at-home mate.

 

When you are dating someone new, do you find that you are the type of girl that excessivly texts/phones/drops by, and thinks of the other person non-stop? Maybe you might just need to adopt a new way of handling life and try to add a little more balance.

 

I might just be totally off ( I frequently am), but try to make a plan of 3 nights out 2 nights in and 2 nights to be spontaneous a week. On your in nights, take the time you need to get things right with yourself. That way, when you go out, if you DO happen to meet Prince Charming, you will be ready for him....

 

And if I am wrong, or offended you with my presumptions, then you can just cyber-slap me.

[HurleyBabe6917]

it's because you are trying to get your mind off of him.

i do it too.

you don't want to be bored at home by yourself and let your mind start wandering to the point where all you can think about is him.

it's a pain.