needyness that I have is tearing me and us apart

[Massari]

in my second relationship i find myself in exact same shoe that was where I find myself constantly thinking about her wanting to be with her and all. I have to talk to her constantly be with her on the phone. I find myself in need to at meet with her everyday and obviosly it can't happen sometimes. I mean she has a life and I am not saying I don't I do its just that she is busier then I am. and then when friends come along that really pisses me off. like when she ditches out to go with her friends. she doesn't go out with them much. but when she hasn't seen me for 2 days and all I want it just 1 hour to meet with her and then she says she is tired and BS like that then her Gfs call and she jumps out and is out with them, then I get mad at her for that.. then she gets mat and tells me this " I can't baby seat you all the time.. I can't be with you all the time, we are not married. plus I have knowns my friends more then I have known you" these words hurt and burn coming from someone who you care so much about. I was wondering what do youthink about all this and did you manage to overcome being needy cause as guys we shouldn't be , this is ususally the woman's behaviour.

[voltaire]

My wife is like you, and to tell the truth it's a pain in the butt! Because I'm not rejecting her, I'm not uninterested in her, but I need a bit of space sometimes. I need time to do the everyday things of my life, to talk to other people from time to time. In fact when SHE wants to do something else, such as the internet or studying or talking to her friends, she thinks it's fine to ignore me - but she doesn't like it when I do it! Furthermore she has a tendency to prefer it when I'm at her beck and call.

I don't know how to explain just how invasive, disruptive and disrespectful this kind of behaviour seems to me, but I think it's something to do with what they call personality boundaries, so maybe you should look that up. but trust your girlfriend when she says she's not trying to hurt or reject you - she just needs operating space.

[Beyondthesea]

The thing you need to ask is WHY are you feeling so needy? Does she not provide for your emotional needs, or is this a recurring theme in your relationships? If it's a recurring theme, then the problem is with you and you must deal with that. You're destroying a good relationship by being clingy.

[ElektraHere]

I have learned the hard way that neediness is the BIGGEST turn off there is. If you constantly have to be involved with the other person you lose yourself and your identity. Then if and I only say if that person is to leave your life what are you left with??? NOTHING

 

I struggle with it because I feel its a habit that I formed. Habits CAN be broken. It is just a matter of working on it. You can do it if you really want to change.

 

She likes you right? She enjoys your company right? She is with you right? Then relax and enjoy the journey. Enjoy your life too.

[renaissancewoman101]

Neediness is NOT a good thing and it will turn people off from you. I used to be really needy but I have gotten a lot better, esp after my last relationship when I realized that when I didnt "need" or "want" my ex, that he chased me. Only when I started to treat him badly, did he dump me.

 

Now I have come to realize that if I want a guy, if I act too needy with him, it will drive him away, but if I give the guy space and dont cling to him, he will more want to stay.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Neediness, iscan be a sign of worry that we may lose the one we love, we need them there all the time to remove that worry. what you have to do is stop worring and start being content with what you have and letting your loved one do as they will. Cages are not go places for love.

[Massari]

The thing you need to ask is WHY are you feeling so needy? Does she not provide for your emotional needs, or is this a recurring theme in your relationships? If it's a recurring theme, then the problem is with you and you must deal with that. You're destroying a good relationship by being clingy.

 

 

this is my second serious relationship and the first one basically was over because of this kinda thing.. so I know I have an issue but when do you know the person is really into you and she is not playing around. like that feeling of insercurity in the relationship really kills everything..and me being needy is a way of making sure .. i guess.

[clever_angel]

Dear Massari,

I am like you. I adore the man I have been with for 15 years, I am madly in love with him. I would love him to be with me, closer to me and showing an interest in me 24/7. He is desperate for more space, and tends to ingnore meas a result. Which makes me more insecure, I feel rejected, start imagining the worst ... and it snowballs. He grows colder, I grow more desperate.

I believe I am like this because I was largely ignored and rejected by my parents, and did not receive the love I needed as a child. When, as an adult, I get a little attention, it seems like a miracle to me, and I want to guard it with all my might. I WILL make sure it stays (and then it goes...)

This poor man of mine really wants to run now, and I will have to work on myself (my self-cofidence) really hard, and finally learn to let go....

I'm sure I can, and so can you.