Really Confused

[beauty_is_pain]

HEy Guys

 

Im new here but ive had an issue for a long time... here goes

 

K well i guess it all started about 2 years ago, i had been talking with this guy who i knew from a previous school i went to and he started to tell me how much he loved me and blah blah blah, ao i was super flattered and continued to talk, even after a warning from a friend who told me that he had told her this to just so he could laugh, well being the nieve little girl i was i fell for it, so after a while he was all like talk dirty to me and such and after about a week or so of refusals he told me that i was the ugliest thing alive and noone could ever love me, i was deeply scarred from this

 

about a year and a half later, i had this mad crush on this guy, and i even thought i loved him, he told me he had liked me too, so we had set up a date and everything, but suddenly he decided he should bring a friend, and detecting something i cancelled our date, he continued to sweet talk and i fell for him all over again, when he moved to england, i felt lost and would constantly talk to my friends about it, well my friends had all stopped talking to me and i couldnt figure out why, so i confronted one of them and they told me that this guy had been leading me on just to see my reactions so him and his friends could laugh at me, and i was amde into a big joke, my friends didnt have the heart to tell me before they had gotten fed up, so i asked this dude about it, and he confessed he also went on to tell me that while telling me all those sweet things and setting up dates he was seeing someone else... again this deeply impacted me

 

i went on to have this next crush on a guy who was about 3 years older than me but quickly learned he was only interested in having a physical relationship with, this was discovered when he repeatedly asked me to show him parts of my body and bluntly asked me to come over to his house for sex.

 

Now... I am extremely bitter, and mistrusting, i have this big crush on my cousins friend, im 17 and he's 22, the odds are already against us, ive been talking to him for about 4 to 5 months, and even at times until 4 am, he kinda plays hot and cold, we have lots in common we even want to name our kids the same thing, we just seem to connect and im falling fast for him, now i know it could never work, but my heart and my head are having a constant argument, i really like this guy, i think he might be perfect, he treats me like a person, we flirt, but i found out just the other day that there is this girl he likes and she likes him too, and they might become serious, i was heartbroken, i was prepared for this dont get me wrong, but i didnt think it would happen so quick, so i decided that i would drink the pain away with my cousins girlfriend, unfortunatley this guy was at this same party, and when i saw him it took away from the anger and i flirted with him for like 2 hours, i even hugged him and told him how attractive he was, i know thats not alot, but im not a very open girl anymore especially after my previous experiences, but after the party it left me wanting more... however he knows that i have a big crush on him, but with the age gap it seems impossible

 

i just dont know where i stand, what i should do, and what i can do to heal myself from my previous experiences

 

i welcoming some much needed advice,

thanks for reading

 

beauty_is_pain

[Past2Future]

Welcome to Enotalone!

Let me be first to say you are not alone in this kind of situation. You seem like a very caring and compassionate girl which are qualities to be admired. Many guys are only out for one thing at that age, sex. With the current situation it seems like you might be setting yourself up for hurt. An age gap at that age (late teens to early twenties) makes it very hard for a relationship to work. Many factors come into play (college, careers, etc...) I would suggest not getting your hopes up to high, but keep the possible hope alive. As far as the previous, those are some hurtful experiences. Most of us are here because we have gone through experiences smiliar to yours or situations that cause just as much hurt. Trust me from experience not all guys are like that. Myself, and the friends I surround myself with are genuine caring guys. There are many of us out there, you just have to weed out the bad ones! Just remember your not alone in this, and we are all here to help.

[beauty_is_pain]

Thanks for responding i really appreciate it,

 

I know understand what your saying, but im curious if you think that i will ever be able to forget the past so that one day i can be the person i used to be... very trusting, im still very young, and i know i have my whole life ahead of me, but i feel like i am growing up way too fast, maturity wise, i like to surround myself with people that are older than me, male and female, because i feel as though i am at the same level, now dont get me wrong, my best friend is my age but she thinks im a fool, for being so easily manipulated, I also feel like like once i have set my mind on something in the aspect of love i find it almost impossible for me to forget about it. I know that this is where i show my age, i always get my hopes up on someone, just to be let down, i like to say its not them who lead me on, but rather its me who leads myself on.

[Past2Future]

Im wondering the same thing myself. Im living day to day very depressed at the moments. mornings are particulary bad for me like right when I wake up. With the mature thing Im the same way. Here at college my friends party and try to "hook up" etc... Im not into any of that really. I want a loving relationship again. Thats all I been desiring. As far as guys.. You dont have any choice but to move on sometimes. Do you want to be living in your 30's or 40's and realize that you didnt achieve any valuable relationships because you were to hung up on other guys? There are plenty of guys that will want you for you, and show there love to you. We are going through similiar situations, except I just wish more people would notice me. Im here for ya

[beauty_is_pain]

Im wondering the same thing myself. Im living day to day very depressed at the moments. mornings are particulary bad for me like right when I wake up. With the mature thing Im the same way. Here at college my friends party and try to "hook up" etc... Im not into any of that really. I want a loving relationship again. Thats all I been desiring. As far as guys.. You dont have any choice but to move on sometimes. Do you want to be living in your 30's or 40's and realize that you didnt achieve any valuable relationships because you were to hung up on other guys? There are plenty of guys that will want you for you, and show there love to you. We are going through similiar situations, except I just wish more people would notice me. Im here for ya

 

Dude we are on exactly the same page, its good to here i am not all alone in my situations, and i feel for you, all i want is for my love to be returned for once instead of shot down, i find that the worst times for me are before bed, when im lying there with nothing but my thoughts. and living in my 30s or 40s looking back and being all what did i do with my life is not an appetizing thought in my mind. I appreciate ur helping hand, and im here for you to, you seem like a wonderful guy and im sure there is someone out there for you, that will love u for how genuine and sensitive you are

[Past2Future]

Dude we are on exactly the same page, its good to here i am not all alone in my situations, and i feel for you, all i want is for my love to be returned for once instead of shot down, i find that the worst times for me are before bed, when im lying there with nothing but my thoughts. and living in my 30s or 40s looking back and being all what did i do with my life is not an appetizing thought in my mind. I appreciate ur helping hand, and im here for you to, you seem like a wonderful guy and im sure there is someone out there for you, that will love u for how genuine and sensitive you are

I know that feeling right before bed. I usually stay away so late (its 458am now) that when I close my eyes I just pass out. I know I could treat someone amazing, and really show my love for them. The sad thing is, im at a university that is filled with attractive people that are almost capable of modeling. I feel pretty insignificant here. Most people wont give me a chance because im now 6'5 buff, tan, and have a smile that knocks someone off their feet. I know I lack confidence, and you can probally tell by the way im talking.

 

Concerning you... Your love will be returned. I know I would return it if you showed interest. I can tell your an amazing girl, and someone that has your love and attention is one lucky man If thats you on your profile pic, your a beatufiul girl. Dont give up for yourself or me

[beauty_is_pain]

Aww thats so nice of you to say, and yes that is a pic of me in my profile. Yes i can tell you lack confidence, i do to, i think before we get involved in any kind of relationship we need to be ok with ourselves first as individuals. Confidence is attractive to most people so.... Not all girls are interested in the stereotype u mentioned above, infact most girls feel intimidated by guys who look like that. I can tell that you are the type of person who has an outstanding personality that lights up a room whenever you enter, not all people have that, so you're lucky.

 

Before i go to bed is bad for me because those are the times i stay up and talk to the person i like, so that when i do go to bed i lay there in a daze of wanting him, but then reality crushes down and i realize i cant have him. It is nie of you to say that i am an amazing girl, something that i am not told very oftern, if ever. I just wish that the person who i do like would be able to see that i would go to the moon for them, but i guess that is just a fantasy, in fact last night i was talking to the guy i like and we were talking all about love and why after everything we've been through we still want more of it, he told me he was not particularly proud if i feel that way with him, whats that supposed to mean? lol, oh well. I wont give up on us , if you dont

 

look forward to hearing from you

[Past2Future]

You dont have to give up but you do have to move on. Dont keep one guy in mind, and not look at the other fish in the sea. You will regret it one day if you do! I wish someone was here to motivate me to head to the gym everyday, and just get my act together to see if I could at least get somewhat attractive to myself. I would go to the moon for some people to, but they choose to be with other men, or not choose to give me the chance. I can relate to that and I know it hurts, but honestly we cant be depressed about this 24/7. We have to moveon and find other people tha tmean the world to us, and they have to reciprocate those actions. I cant wait for the day I live happy again and wake up with a smile instead of a frown.

[beauty_is_pain]

I totally agree, I am just the type of person who likes to stick to one person, until someone else comes along and they always do, i am not particularly worried about myself, i know i am a strong person, I also know that i am incredibly young and that i am still learning, and growing within, so i am going through emotions ive never gone through before, and im learning how to deal with them, i know ill be ok, in fact i know ill be better than ok.

 

You have to just relax and realise someone will come along, it may not be today, or tomorrow, but they will be there, the only person that can truly motivate you is you, if you want something bad enough ull figure out how to get it. We both just need to sit back and realise that there is more to life than just finding that perfect someone, we both have school, friends, family, and perhaps thats where we should be focusing for now, we both arent ready for any kind of commitment and i think that shows to whom ever we're talking to or interested in.