Here WE GO!

[Belle]

Sweetie,

 

What you've got is a big can of crazy. A total drama queen. I think you are addicted to the intensity of teh situation, but this is going to really hurt you in teh long run. You're young, so you have time to get over it. And I know you wont' listen to me when I tell you that you should RUN AS FAST AS YOUR FEET CAN CARRY YOU.

[saltwatergirl]

Uhm, I don't know why you are seeing all these things as signs of her great love for you. They are signs of her unstable mind and emotions.

 

A rationale, stable, truly remorseful individual would admit their wrongdoings, ask for forgiveness, and then walk away and give you the space you asked for. Take their pennance in privacy not run around like a deranged lunatic trying to win you back. This is nuts and you are falling for it hook line and sinker. Love doesnt mean lunacy.

 

This isn't the action of a stable person who is remorseful and committed to you and this relationship. This is the action of a very confused person who lets her emotions run her---who leaves logic and clear thinking and consequences out of the picture and acts only in response to her child-like emotional desires. These are also the qualities most cheaters possess.

 

Think about this.

 

Salt

[Sobo]

i met with her today, she left me another note while I was at the gym, it was another memory of us, and then at the end of it said I will be at starbucks till 9 if you want to meet with me, I did, she was very happy and surprised that I showed up, we talked and talked she kept saying how she wants to try this again, and how she wants me to try too, so in the end i did agree to try things again with her, i told her that I will call her and talk to her later.

 

so now my thoughts on this,

 

yes she did crazy things, and I know she is crazy, (she gets it from her mother) she was fine when we were together, never showed this crazy side ever, I am not really worried about it right now, I want to try things but with a few things firmly in mind,

 

1) i am going to hang out with my friends a lot, and limit our time together as best I can to no more than 3-4 times a week, we were together too much the first time, it was fun then, but it was like we were an old married couple

 

2) going to have girlfriends, not g/fs but just friends that are girls, b/c that way I can see what other girls are like, not so I have a back up in case this happens again, but just so I know and am sure of this, (i mean she took a really bad route to find out how sure she is)

 

3) if she does anything stupid again, even kissing a guy on the lips, I will not think twice about things again, b/c quite frankly i think, at least right now, that I am not so attactched to her, that she is not the end of theworld, yes she is great, but she is not the be all and end all,

 

so with all this in mind, i plan on eventually, trying things again with her, to see how they turn out!

 

thanks for all the advice, and thoughts, it helped!!!! keep em coming!

[Relationship Coach]

You are rewarding her irrational behavior by giving in to her little tantrums. Now when you get back together and she doesn't get her way, it's back to playing tag with moving vehicles. She has played the manipulation game quite well and you have fallen for every trick. She went through the back door to your heart through your mother and friends. The pathetic begging and failed attempts at suicide. The emotional ploy of brainwashing you with tokens of good memories. Posting her feelings towards you on the net for the entire world to see, wait didn't she do the same thing by posting the picture of her kissing the guy she slept with? She said she slept with him and then she reeled you in like a 10 pound flounder by telling you it didn't go very far and she made him quit, sorry this is a complete load of crap. Do what you want, it's your life, we will be here to pick up the pieces again once she flip-flops back the other way and you know she will.

 

RC

[Holiday]

I think it's either all or nothing and anything else is half- * * *. I really think that if you want to give it a shot, you give it a shot. I think you're taking a courageous step, but I warn you to heed your own plans in giving her little wiggle room. I suggest you expand the list of deal breakers from acts of infidelity to acts of insanity. If she starts having regular pitty parties or screaming matches, blame her, not her mom. Behaviors are learned, not inherited. Careful not to view yourself so much as a prince on a white horse or she will break your heart when you least expect it and maybe even years from now. You need to be careful and understand the dynamics at play. I do know of couples that meet young and have long-lasting love even after years of jealousy and dysfunctional interaction. My suggestion is that you don't play into her emotion. If she cries and it seems "crazy", insist she act adult and accept nothing less. I care for your situation -

 

When stuff happens, people will frequently tell you the solution is to ditch the problem. SO we move on with a different person we can start over with. But the more we change, the more we stay the same. If you stay with her, you really need to make sure change happens and that this little anomaly does not happen again. I admire you for wanting to keep it together, but careful not to be the hero and later bring this mess up over and again and regret your decision.

 

If you get over it, get over it completely BEFORE you jump back in and hold it over her head in the heat of the moment. And let her heal to by not reminding her of it and reminding yourself that now it's 'Your turn' to make sure. If it's your turn, throw in the towell now before you both have more to lose.

[Holiday]

Wrote this before I could read Coach's post. I tend to agree with his position by the way, but if you want to go against the grain, you have to beware of the risks and the obligation to do so full-throttle.

 

People, by the way, tend to get crazier as they get older and you are sort of taking some pride in the idea that you keep her sane and that you are special. She is manipulative to be sure and you need to remove the buttons that she controls you with if you go back in. Study it - it's your only chance together - then, make adjustments if you decide to and commit to rebuilding yourself button-free.

[saltwatergirl]

Apparently cheating, manipulation, and mental instability can be endearing qualities.

 

Salt

[Sobo]

yeah everyone seems to think she is being manipulative, and making me feel sorry for her etc. to want/take her back, I was talking with a couple of friends about it last night, one was a girl, she and her b/f (now of 2 years) got back together after a similar thing, but well she didn't go off sleeping with some other guy, it was an email or something, but point is she was soooo glad that they got back together,

 

then I was talking to one of my really good friends about it, he cheated on his gf and she took him back, he basically said if you love her than go for it, and he said that she didn't CHEAT on me, which is a big thing, yes she did do a stupid thing, but it wasn't while she was with me, and that has to count for something, even if it is very little, he also now told me the one time he did meet her, she did look a little crazy, like he said he could tell she was a little nuts, i guess i just have to make sure this doesn't happen again, like her going all insane drama on me, i think I am having difficulty figure out the difference between her maybe trying to do things to get attention, or doing these crazy things b/c of love,

 

my buddy also told me that if she really tried to kill herself, she wouldn't have missed the car, and on top of that he doesn't believe it, b/c she has already told another person, she told me the other day, but I already knew that, since she told another good friend of mine, like if you really treid to kill yourself, why would you go around telling people??? unless it's for attention of course,

 

point is I still love her, and I told her we can try and work on things, so I guess we will, it will take time, but maybe we can get it back to the way things were, at least a little bit, maybe better