I want to kill myself this hurts so much

[What to Do]

we broke up 2 weeks ago, our realtionship was on hold fora bout 4 months. she wasnt sure if she could be with a girl. about 4 days ago this girl that i no likes me and she got really mad and calling me saying" so ur going out with her" and she tells me its only been a few days, u say u love me but i thought u would at least wait. now she likes this guy, and she was really sad to find out that he doesnt like her, but i know he does.

 

i wrote her this....

row sham bo on the fone

its fun...

i remember playing with a good friend of mine...

those where good times.

 

 

playing the % game

THATS a game that will get u introuble haha

it was fun tho

 

 

 

grawling like a bear =] that was fun

courtesy of mac dre thank u sir!

 

the kisses on the fone

haha those where funny

 

 

truth or truth haha

 

 

watching movies/shows

 

 

not even talking just laying there, and of course thinking about them.

 

 

writing letters even tho they are just a fone call away

 

 

drawing silly pictures for them

 

being there for them when they call u about a bad day at school

and how people are so * * * *ing mean

 

 

falling asleep on the phone

 

 

begging for each other to sing =]

 

 

when u have a really cool song/or just any song that means a lot to u and playing it for them

 

or just leaving voicemails about how much u are in love

 

or playing your song on the voicemail

 

going on the computer in the middle of the night just to talk even if its for a few min.

 

knwing ur over your fone bill but jsut still talking cos u cant go to sleep/ or u just dont want to be away for too long

 

 

then there are the fights...

 

hard...but u made it, tears/words not meant but said.

 

then the non stop "i love u soo much and im so sorry im stupid"

"oh no its my fault i over reacted ur right i love u soo much too"

 

lieing...."sorry, it was stupid i just didnt want to hurt you"

*today i have stopped lieing but it doesnt matter"

 

 

jealousy...

 

just a friendly talk

of course we take it over board we are in love and couldnt stand if we lost our loved one

so we get jealous thus causing a fight then innevitably ending right back to the "i love u so much im soo sorry" " no i am i shouldnt of gotten mad it was stupid"

 

then u meet...

 

not wat u thought.

 

anger.

tears.

 

then that first kiss...

started with a kiss on the cheek

pulled the head closer and kissed on the lips looked into the eyes did it again...in the eyes once more and did it again

 

the second one was the best i was told.

*i smile of course*

best kiss i ever had i was told

*i smile again*

 

couldnt go to sleep that night just started and looked at what i had.

so beautiful.

 

second time we meet...

 

wooow

that was some serious stuff

wont get into detail about that =]

lets just say it was awsome haha

 

holding.

then jumping off the bed so we wouldent get caught hah

 

felt safe when we were together

*i smile*

 

the final goodbye..

 

We can't be together right now or u dont want to i dont even no anymore, but you will always have the most special place in my heart. You've shown me what love is, and you mean more to me than anything. I will always look back on everything with a smile on my face and love in my heart. If it's meant to be, we'll be together again someday. I just wish you the best of luck with everything that you do, and I want you to be as happy as possible. I will always love you, and I will never forget the amazing 14 months we had.

goodbye...

 

 

i broke and i called her and told her to read it. all i got was an "aw thas sweet thank u" i TRY nc but i just cant do it. i want to be with her soo badly, i told her i loved her and she said it back but she then said i dotn thnk we should be saying that anymore. i just want her back, shes the one thing that i ever had that was good and now shes gone. she makes everything seems so easy and im here everyday crying praying to god to help me.

 

i guess what iwant is for her to tell me she misses me and she made a mistake. park of me wants her to go out with a guy and have him break her heart, but then i know i would also hate that.

 

i guess my questions are...

 

should i be talking to her?

if so what should i be saying?

 

 

if not how can i not talk to her i read about doing hobbies just doing anything i cant, shes on my mins 24/7. we where together for 14months.

 

do i still have a chance?

 

please someone help me...im so depressed =(

[perlitalynda80]

Well I am sorry to hear that you are so hurt and sad I really cant tell you wether to talk to her or not that is ultimatley your decision but what I get from it is that maybe she is a little confused about her sexual orientation or she is just not ready to deal with it either way she is the only one that can work that out for her self you sound like a great girl with so much to give you got some beutiful writing why not try that spend your time on poetry that might help along the way. Good luck and god bless

[now_better]

i was in your footsteps only 1-2 months ago, g/f left me for another guy after we've been together for almost 5 yrs. did so many things to try to get her back, but made a lot of self-realizations during this process. there's NOTHING you can do to make people feel a certain a way. they have to want to be with you and if not, you have to let them go. one of the most painful lessons i've learned in life, but that's life. plz don't do anything you'll regret. i highly recommend you read some posts from SuperDave71 (do a search for his posts):

 

 

 

i won't lie and say that life is going to magically become better. but now is the time for you to focus on yourself, make yourself feel better. do COMPLETe no contact with her. hobbies, activities, things that will NOT remind you of her, that's what you want to do. i won't say i don't still have very dark thoughts sometimes, but they're getting farther and farther apart everyday.

[NKP]

I think you should talk to her just tell her how you feel, then it will all be off your chest. But if i were you i would talk to her but then again your not me, so do what you think is right

[Spugly Fuglet]

I hope this helps

number one don't kill your self, life has bigger plans for you, yes there is pain now, but trust me it will pass just as all pain dos. you say

 

"shes the one thing that i ever had that was good and now shes gone."

 

I don't think that's true, from reading your post I would say that you yourself are the best thing you ever had, you have a gift for writeing, I found you words moving. she may be gone but you are not, I say you are good.

 

Kita, has it in a nut shell, you have to ask if I can see this girl only once more in my life what would I say. Would I beg for a change in her hart or would go see her and just say i feel, but then also say I respect what she and wish with all my hart she have a happy life.

 

I myseft would do one more thing, I would tell her if I know it to be true that the guy she likes likes her.

 

A last gifit o love, and the sign of true love, to take the pain to set some one free.

 

I hope my words help

spugly

[What to Do]

thank u...

all of u...

 

she called me at 2 something in the morning...i didnt answer!

proud... i guess

 

but then of course i was thinking, what if it was important, but then said if it was then she would have left a voicemail...

but then got said maybe calling me to tell me that the guy she likes called her...=[

 

i have a myspace and i deleted her from my friends, so by doing that i did myself a favor so i couldnt look at her profile and see what guys are telling her and such...

 

i am doing NC...i have nothing else to loose...

 

so this is day one lol

 

she told me last night she was over me...that hurt.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Haws it going Waht to do?

[What to Do]

good.

i havnt talked to her in 3 days.

i still think about her alot but not as much.

im still hoping she will come back to me, but theres nothing i can do.

so iv been running/walking a lot. and working out.

WRITING! BIG TIME!

i have a myspace so i have been writing a lot of blogs

[now_better]

1.5 months of NC for me! great to hear you working out, i'm doing likewise (gained 15 pounds of muscle in the last 2 months). my greatest motivation is getting ridiculously buff, seeing her at some point in my life, then watching her expression as i'm w/ a new g/f... see who gets the last laugh in life. (=

[What to Do]

i hope i can have your attidude soon.

im still hoping for a phone call from her telling me she misses me..

today i thought a lot, and got mad at myself saying maybe i should of done more with her...like little things that will remeind her of me and miss me.

 

like the way i would play with her hair or hold her hand and play with them, or when she would lay down i would put her feet on my lap and rub them...

 

i just really miss her =(

 

but its been 4 days of NC

[now_better]

hope for the best, plan for the worst. sometimes in my mind, i tell myself that she died because she did in some ways to me. you can wish to talk to a dead person, but it's not going to make them come back to life.

 

the first couple of days, i just turned my cell phone off. that way i wouldn't constantly be checking it to see if she called. i'd only turn it on to use it or if i was expecting a call. do that for like 2 weeks, then you'll get into the habit of her not calling you.

 

you will go through the "shoulda, coulda, woulda", it's natural, but all you can do is live and learn. write to yourself how you're going to a) make yourself better for your next relationship, b) THEN DO IT (for instance, i'm a reeeeeally shy person, that's something for me to work on). i wrote a list of things that i'm going to improve on if i'm in a relationship again and put that in my wallet:

 

-confidence

-more quality time

-reliable (be on time!)

-commitment

-communication

-less frugal

-get family approval

-pro-active

 

i also have this quote in my wallet: "give me the power to accept things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference."

 

tell yourself that next time, you're not going to make the same mistakes, that it's going to be better.

[Tigris]

It sounds to me like you're a person who 'gives' and she's a person who 'takes'. You loved her totally and she doesn't feel the same or she wouldn't have gone after the guy.

 

Just take each day at a time and you'll become stronger.

 

You deserve someone who'll love you as much as you love them. I hope they come into your life soon.

 

You know where I am if you want me.