Asked a girl out for the first time...

[Silentlyfor]

So, I was working with a girl that I really like. Been working with her for about 2-3 weeks. Been really interested in her ever since then.

 

So she's seeing somebody else... which is fine... Is it normal to feel so sad afterward though? Like... this is a pain that feels like.... well.... not sadness... but intense misery.

 

And also... when does this go away?

[B_Rock]

I think what you feel is disappointment. I don't know how old you are but if you're still in high school or something you'll have another chance for sure. It's not totally normal to be completely incompacitated by that so just try and keep your emotions in check. You ought to be able to get over it as time passes. For now I would recomend trying to schedule work so that you don't spend as much time with her because chances are its going to eat you up inside if you're working with her all the time. Sorry I can't magically cange it for you, but these things happen for a reason.

[LostInMyThoughts]

So she's seeing somebody else... which is fine... Is it normal to feel so sad afterward though? Like... this is a pain that feels like.... well.... not sadness... but intense misery.

 

Aww man, sorry that it didn't work out.

 

I know the feeling; it's not really normal. It's okay to be sad, but I think it's more healthy to realize that it's just one person and one potential relationship that didn't work out.

 

As long as you this feeling doesn't prevent you from taking risks and asking out girls in the future, I think you'll do just fine.

[yeawutever]

Yea, soemtimes it doesn't always work out the way you wanted it to. Rejectiosn do happened no matter no much you're trying to prevent/avoid them, you just can't. But, it's just one particular girl, you're find one who will be really into you.

 

Like LikeInMyThoughts as long as that rejection doesn't interfere with your health and coping strategies, work, social life, etc. then nothing to worry about.

[Silentlyfor]

Actually, I'm embarrassed. I'm 23 and it's the first time I've ever done that. Don't feel good... but.... I don't know why I was so afriad of doing it before.

 

The pain isn't that bad, I didn't harm anyone, and I'm not dead. So... really... why did this scare me before?

[LostInMyThoughts]

Rejection is tough. You let yourself be vunerable, and it didn't work out. It's not an easy thing to deal with.

 

Be bummed about it, but pick yourself up, tell yourself that you're a good person, and go on with your life.

[Dating Coach]

So, I was working with a girl that I really like. Been working with her for about 2-3 weeks. Been really interested in her ever since then.

 

So she's seeing somebody else... which is fine... Is it normal to feel so sad afterward though? Like... this is a pain that feels like.... well.... not sadness... but intense misery.

 

And also... when does this go away?

 

Whoa there tiger. You barely know her, you should not be letting a rejection destroy you like this. This girl isn't interested? So what! She's not so great if she can't see what a great guy you are! Do you really want to waste your time with someone so silly? I wouldn't!

 

Go out, meet other girls, and don't let your emotions get so far ahead of your current situation. I've seen guys who got dumped by a girlfriend of 6 months less devastated than you are. It's not a big deal. It's a part of life brother.

[Dating Coach]

The pain isn't that bad, I didn't harm anyone, and I'm not dead. So... really... why did this scare me before?

 

Because you didn't have the experience. The first time you experience something can be pretty scary. The more you practice the less difficult it becomes.

Read the link in my signiture. It should help you.

[Silentlyfor]

Whoa there tiger. You barely know her, you should not be letting a rejection destroy you like this. This girl isn't interested? So what! She's not so great if she can't see what a great guy you are! Do you really want to waste your time with someone so silly? I wouldn't!

 

Go out, meet other girls, and don't let your emotions get so far ahead of your current situation. I've seen guys who got dumped by a girlfriend of 6 months less devastated than you are. It's not a big deal. It's a part of life brother.

 

It wasn't that bad, really. Just a new feeling for me. I didn't really feel that self conscious afterward and she let me down real easy. It wasn't a scene. It was... cool too experience it for the first time.

[iceman85]

Its perfectly understandable why you felt like you do. Rejection isnt an easy thing to deal with. In fact its a feeling that I try to avoid as much as possible, just like most humans. The most important thing to come out of this is that you had the guts to step up and ask her out, this is a very attractive and powerful quality that will only help you in the future.

 

Dont let this situation dictate any future ones, just because she was unavailable doesnt mean other girls wont be. Its alright to feel bad about this, but like others have said, you really dont know her all that well, you took a shot and it didnt work. You cant make any shots if you never take any!

[B_Rock]

DigityDogg, I'm sorry but I would have to say that your response holds no water. Judging by the picture you've posted I'm going to guess that you never really had to experience very much rejection. As a matter of fact I highly doubt that you've had to bottle your affections for someone for 2-3 weeks. During which time you had to build up the courage to ask someone out. And you REALLY were hopeful that something would work out. For someone who is never forward or outgoing, its unchartered territory. Plus, you completely disregarded the fact that her response was that she has a boyfriend. She didn't play him, or lead him on. She gave him a straight and lagitimate answer.

 

redmage22, the feeling that you're having, in this case, I think is normal. At least, I'm sure your initial reaction was. Building the courage, asking, and then waiting for her response was probably similar to a time were you were driving and you almost got into a wreck. ...the feeling just before you find out whether or not something bad is going to happen. In this case a rejection would be like an actual wreck had occurred. You're now left emotionally damaged, but its ok because time will always work out the dents.

 

and Dude, I'm 23 as well and would have struggled to do the same. I once liked a girl for 4 years before she even found anything about it (because I finally told my brother - what a blab!), and guess what... when she found out, she chose to ignore it ... time passed, I got over her. And, I recently saw a picture of her (I haddn't seen her in maybe 5 or 6 years), and let me tell you that I've realized now, that I could do better anyway. Time will fix your embarrassment eventhough you shouldn't feel that way, you should be proud that you did it. I applaud you.

[Dating Coach]

DigityDogg, I'm sorry but I would have to say that your response holds no water.

Why?

 

Judging by the picture you've posted I'm going to guess that you never really had to experience very much rejection.

 

I'm guessing that's a compliment? Thanks! As for me not experiencing much rejection, I think you overestimate my past! Redmage's situation is one I am accutely familiar with. I am engaged now, but once upon a time I made about every dating mistake in the book and was rejected many times. What I am talking from is experience, and a lot of it.

 

As a matter of fact I highly doubt that you've had to bottle your affections for someone for 2-3 weeks. During which time you had to build up the courage to ask someone out. And you REALLY were hopeful that something would work out. For someone who is never forward or outgoing, its unchartered territory.

 

Wrong again brother! I spent, hmmm... a year on Jennifer. Two maybe? On Kelly I spent about a year... On Christa about 6 months... should I go on? These are all things from my past and it took me a long time to wake myself up because I never had anyone give me the correct advice. I always got the polite advice or just straight up wrong advice. It took a lot of searching, practicing, and experiencing before I finally started getting on the right path. It took some years. Now I am very successful and have found a great relationship. In order to do that a person has to be ready. A guy who attaches himself to girls he isn't even dating yet is most likely not going to be ready for a serious adult relationship.

 

Plus, you completely disregarded the fact that her response was that she has a boyfriend. She didn't play him, or lead him on. She gave him a straight and lagitimate answer.

I never said she led him on or played him. Yes, she has a boyfriend, and yes he was rejected. The bottom line is that she isn't interested and if she isn't interested then she doesn't qualify for him. He's too good for her. At least, that's the type of attitude a guy should have. He shouldn't be getting hung up on a girl who isn't interested. I know it happens, especially when someone is inexperienced at this type of thing, but guys need to learn that this is normal, it happens everyday, and it doesn't mean squat as long as you learn to accept it, shrug your shoulders, and move on with life. That's the best way to go about. It took me a long time to accept that fact, and now that I have I am so much happier with life. Who cares if some broad doesn't want to get with me? I'm a great guy and if she can't see that then perhaps she wasn't as cool as I thought. It's a healthy mentality.

[Silentlyfor]

Uh.... I would if there case were more.... insulting or disparaging. But I feel there is no reason for me to say "her loss. She don't know what she's missing" when, in fact, she may have been interested if she wasn't seeing someone else.

 

Really, this has to do more with circumstance than anything else, not me.

[Dating Coach]

Really, this has to do more with circumstance than anything else, not me.

 

Then I misunderstood you. The impression I got from your words was that she wasn't interested and not because she had a boyfriend. My bad.