Why don't people ever email me back?

[Haven]

Is this common, or am I just doing something wrong? Often people (friends or acquaintances) will email me to say hi. These (very enthusiastic) emails will include specific questions such as, "How's your summer going?" or "How was your first year of college?" or "How's the guy situation going?" etc.

 

I usually reply within a few days to these emails. But I NEVER get a response back. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. Either:

 

- I don't ask questions in my response email, so they don't feel a need to reply

- My response email is slightly longer than the original email and they don't want to read it

- They get my email late and don't feel like responding anymore

- They don't feel like taking the time to write a response

- They don't care enough to write me back

 

This REALLY bugs me, because this has happened to me so many times. (Let's say... 11 out of 15.) Am I just mistaken in thinking that a person who emails me with a conversation starter wants to start a conversation? Should I just stop expecting people to email me back? Or should I change the way I respond to emails? I'm just really confused.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Sometimes that happens to me. Like a friend of mine will send me a lengthy email and I will write back. And then she will get caught up with things and I will not hear from her for a while. When that happens, I will send a short email asking her if things are okay.

 

And sometimes I will send out an email to a friend, she will email back and that's that. I really try to see my friends in person or talk on the phone. Email can get old and tiring at times. Or I chat with them on IM.

[FoxLocke]

Sometimes, when people send me lengthy e-mails I feel obligated to write a lengthy one back. I get so intimidated that I just don't do it...lol.

 

Or sometimes I forget to reply back.

[renaissancewoman101]

I have that happen to me sometimes. For example, my friend that I am going to visit in Chicago next weekend, I talked to her in March once and then she dropped off the face of the earth. I called and left a message and I even emailed her. Never heard from her until about two weeks ago when she called me on my cell and left me a tearful message saying she misplaced my number and was worried I was mad at her. I called her back and she told me she had been very busy lately with a death of a close friend, personal stuff, etc. We reconnected and I am going to visit her next weekend.

 

Sometimes people get busy and forget to answer emails. I have done that before, esp since I like to write long emails. Sometimes I follow up emails with a phone call.

 

Good luck.

[dogheadma]

I think that when people don't respond, it's because they're busy. E-mails don't really count as an actual conversation, just a quick exchange of ideas or a quick hello to just touch base or give pertinent info. My credo is if you really want to talk to someone you should call them. Let the person know you will call, i.e. "Just wanted to say hi, blah, blah, I'll call you Mon." Otherwise the e-mail form of communication, while useful, is somewhat superfluous.

[Lady Bugg]

I think keeping your emails short and to the point...gets quicker replies.

Many people simply don't like the task of reading an hour long email.

Also don't leave the email open ended if you desire a reply.

[Haven]

No.. none of my emails take longer than 1-2 minutes to read. 2 minutes is stretching it.

 

Anyway.. I'll just assume that they're busy or whatever. It's just that even if I'm busy, I will still take the 5 minutes to reply to an email.. I guess I'm just stupid that way.

[eremy]

I kind of feel for ya haven. Even with e-mail not being the best form of communication, I still like to get /some/ sort of verification that what I wrote was actually read. I understand people get busy, but it really doesn't take more then a minute to check your mail, and maybe a couple more minutes to reply to anyone. Has our lives really gotten so busy that 10 minutes out of our day is too much? I'm not saying checking your e-mail should be a priority, but for you busy bees, it may be a good opportunity to take a break from your busy life and relax for a couple minutes.

 

P.S. E-mail me any time Haven, or any of you for that matter (xl_illusion_lx@link removed) I'll always reply

[Lady Bugg]

I understand how Haven feels...and she probably takes it personally when she doesn't get a reply, but 9 times out of 10..it's simply because the recipient felt there was no NEED for a reply, or they are too busy.

I personally prefer the phone or even IM's to email correspondence but sometimes email is just more convenient.

[emptychipbag]

This has always happened to me ever since forever. Even on the phone. Way back in the early 90's I had a good friend who had moved to another city and the only way for us to communicate was by writing letters. I always had lots to say and an average letter from me was around one page front and back. But when they replied an average letter from them was only a few sentences. And they usually never answered any questions if i asked them. The letters they would send me would read like they didn't even read my letters.

 

And ever since I started e-mailing people in high-school,.. I always would have several paragraphs on various topics that I knew where of interest and they would either not reply until a couple of months later and only write a couple of sentences.

 

Someone in this topic said that e-mail isn't used for actual conversation,.. but just for "keeping in touch". If that's the truth then what a freakin' waste of technology. We might as well be using smoke signals if all we're going to use our instant communication for is "hi, lol lol lol lol lol LOL L-O-freakin' L!!!!)

 

But also,.. even when I would talk to friends on the phone I would be the only one with any thing to say or any kind of opinion,.. and that would be when they called me!!

 

That's ironic because if I'm talking to people in person I'm very quiet.

[Bethany]

I do that, write and not respond I mean.

 

I do it because I have been thinking of the person and so I mail them to say hi, to show that I have been thinking about them, and to let them know what I am doing in my life.

 

When they reply I assume they are doing the same back. It's not a conversation, it's a keep in touch thing so I don't reply.

[Haven]

Thanks, everyone. I don't take the lack of a response personally, but I was starting to, because I wasn't sure if I was doing something wrong or not. But I see now that I'm not, so.. thanks.