Goldfish6888 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Hi guys I've posted quite a lot of entries about a long distance email relationship with my ex. He sent me an email of " I want and need you in my life" last friday and its eating away at my inbox. Despite the fact he's deceiptful and has not been honest with me - its killing me not to reply to it. It sits there...I look at it.....I close it......all day long this pattern.. I'm finding it so hard to maintain the NC. I know its for me to get over all the hurt...but today is like.....every minute I write an email and I save it into my draftbox to stop me sending it. Help, help! I've been doing so well. I've felt so strong. Today I guess I just feel lonely and unwanted and taken advantage of....and all those miserable things. I find myself in tears...every so often. I guess I just want all the hurt to go away magically. I don't feel angry at him - just sad that it has not worked out. Link to comment
HangingInThere Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 just delete the email!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why are you holding on to it anyway? Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 I don't know..... i can't delete it. Its evidence that I'm still on his mind.... Sad I know. I just wish these feelings would go away. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Sometimes, it is better to just delete the email. That way you are not tempted to look at it. I know how you feel. I am having a hard time deleting the emails and phone messages of my best friend. I let his friendship go last week because it was toxic to me and I am struggling with not talking with him. Stay strong and post on here if you need help. We are all here for you. Link to comment
crvers Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 I had the same problem. I saved all the emails I sent to my ex when I was going through my emotional rollercoaster, and saved all her replies. Even when I stopped and started NC she attempted a couple times to call and email me. The message on the phone I would leave and the emails would sit in their own folder. I would continually read the emails and listen to the messages over and over. Unfortunately, I personally found, it was more upsetting to keep doing that then to just delete them all. Even though it makes you feel slightly connected to that person, it prolongs the hurt of the breakup by reminding you of the relationship. I deleted mine since I realized by keeping them it doesn't change anything. They are still gone, and that email sitting on your monitor won't bring them back. I would recommend deleting it. It may be hard to do, but once you do it will mean you have taken another step forward to moving on. Link to comment
tjanice Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 delete the email(s) or print them put them in an envelope and dont open the envelope...and if you need to reply,write it on paper and dot the same thing.make sure its an honest letter Dont post letters to him!! hope this helps,best of luck Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Thanks everyone! XOXOX. Still feel weak and the pull towards him has been strong this week, but thats because he is playing on my soft sensitive and forgiving spot! Anyway, I think I will post here everytime I feel like I'm going to send that EMAIL!!!! Link to comment
joyce1412 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 goldfish, i know how you feel. last night one of my friends got a call from her ex; she's forgiven him many a time for past heartbreaks, mistakes, etc., but they have now been broken up for a month and a half. after having a breakthrough last night and deciding they probably wouldn't get back together...he called her at three a.m.! and she knows it's going to be the same old routine: him telling her he's changed, the big crocodile tears, etc. i can hardly imagine how hard that is on you. but just try to focus on the fact that nothing will really change between you two--not in so short a time period, at least. if he's still saying the same things a year from now...well, then maybe he'd be worth a shot. i don't know your story, but it sounds like he's too risky a prospect for the moment. yes, post here when you get weak, everything that you wish you could say to your ex. it will be okay, i promise. Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Sorry Joyce too late I sent an e-mail just to END things on a graceful note...and he came back with stories about an ex saying disparaging things about him....and that he wants and needs me as a FRIEND! I mean I zillions of friends, why would I want another one???? Why the hell did I send it? How stupid was I.....two steps forward one step back....AH...A.H.....A.H Why oh why did I send it....why.....Anyway I sent a subsequent one saying I was sorry I sent it and that I didn't feel we could be friends as trust is No. 1 for me and I don't trust him. Any more emails from him and I won't even read them...I will just DELETE... Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted July 14, 2006 Author Share Posted July 14, 2006 Here is the email I received from my ex.....he just acted like a teenager. From: x To: y whatever... i've done nothing to warrant this treatment from you...what's pathetic is that you never once sought out any sort of explanation from me, not that there's any need for one... have a nice life... I guess this is not the way you speak with someone you love or loved....Last night I went home and cried my eyes out. I'm so lonely and feel such a disaster with men. I'm about ready to cry all the time. Its five weeks now and i'm still not over this....in fact its got worse as time went on. The fact he sent such a retard email aswell hurt. I responded as follow: Hi We are mature human beings, let's not get into a mud slinging match. You are right you have "done nothing" to warrant this behaviour from me except be dishonest about that profile on Lavalife. I wanted to see past that and just think it was a "one off". But your last e-mail about ex girlfriends and emails and stuff going on ( when I have been seeing NO ONE) since I met you last Sept until this June (when I started dating again) because I truly cared for you. I found it hard to even look at someone else - the sad thing is I've not even kissed anyone since you in Feb. I hope you can have the courage to be honest to yourself, thats all. Take care Anyway thats the end of it. Please let it be. I just feel so down and lonely and again like I did five weeks ago - the wound has been re-opened.... Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted August 25, 2006 Author Share Posted August 25, 2006 Meant to say...I did receive a text on my phone from my ex saying he was sorry to have hurt me...He didn't mean to. I suppose it was nice to receive that.....I have kept the NC now for over a month....Slowly he is just becoming a memory.....I dont know what I would have done without this board. I still do wonder - does he think of me? Or have I been quickly replaced by a brand new set of gals, he can work on with his lines. It would be nice to think that I had had some sort of impact on him. Thanks to all who took time to respond to this thread. Though this week, I've felt down and have had very little energy. Went to bed, every night at 10pm...and just felt down...no reason...at all.... Link to comment
drninja Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I hate to say it, but those ups and downs will almost definitely continue, at least for a while. But look on the bright side. You're not constantly having to fight yourself to keep from contacting him. Things are getting better, you're feeling better than you were a month ago, and everything can only look up from here. Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 Okay, I broke NC. I was away on holidays in California and I missed him and I sent him a text. Nothing like....hey....I miss you. Just that it was a pity he had let me down. I was shocked when he responded friendly like.... Hey whats up....I see you are back on link removed. Guess the guy from Cali is no more. I'm sitting here having a guinness and eating some lunch. I responded and said I had to go back to work and that I don't internet date anymore. He then said....whats wrong with it? sure isn't that the way we met? Then that night at about 3am he sent me a text saying Are you up? I didnt respond as I knew it would mean a phone call or something and I just couldn't face that. This morning, I arrive back from holidays and he has emailed me. He has gotten all angry with me and his tone is that of someone annoyed that I did not reply to his text. Apparently he is coming to live in my country in Paris. Why, is he coming here now? This is really affecting me. Just as I am over him. this happens. Link to comment
whoops Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 i think and i do this i print out the email delete it from the mail server you use and then tuck it away - when you are ready you will go it but for now you cant everytime you look at the email go and find it. Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Thanks Whoops....I know you are going through a tough time at the moment. Its funny some posters here - they give you such good advice and they themselves are going through hard times! If only we could give ourselves good advice.... Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 This is my first chance to catch up on your ex Goldfish. Is he still moving to Paris? It is so much easier to give advice when outside of the box, isn't it? I seriously could give advice to a friend one day and the next day go through a situation and not handle it or be fair to myself. Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 I don't know. I don't want to know if he moves to the same country as me. Basically he doesn't deserve to be in my life anymore.... I dread picking up the phone and getting a call from him when he arrives....I'm treading carefully. Its been tough this year - two big let downs from two people I thought were the ONE. Its never easy Link to comment
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