letter to my abuser

[SoDone]

Last night you mauled me good. Not counting the one on my hand from the other day, I have marks from your fingers in eight separate places (including the back of my neck, where you told me there was none). The right side of my face is sore and my neck is stiff from your savage blows with your full 230-lb. weight behind them. Never mind that you kicked me, and all of this in public. I guess when you saw that I wasn't going to fight back you figured it was open season, huh?

 

And over what? A peck on the cheek between friends?!?! I can't find the words to tell you how much I loathe and despise you for what you've done. What a sad excuse for a human being you are.

 

But I'm glad that you hit me in the face, scratched me and kicked me in the crotch like a crazed gorilla. You know why? Because if you had acted rationally I might have ended up living with you for a long time to come. The very thought makes me wince and shudder. Thank you for bringing me finally to my senses.

 

Tired of you spying on me, cyberstalking me, going through my email, my cell phone, my wallet, my computer... tired of you trashing my friends, of all the screaming, spitting, saying that our home and everything in it belong to you and you alone... tired of you accusing me of things I haven't done... tired of all the years of domineering and mental instability that you brought into my formerly happy life. There's just no end to it if I don't leave. Why do you think i got a divorce? Just something to do?

 

Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants or deserves a partner like that.

 

And you have the sickening gall to say that you "have a heart condition" so I shouldn't report you to the police. Well, your doctor told me that your heart was fine. And it sure didn't stop you from violently attacking me in front of the neighbors, so tell it to somebody who cares. You acted as though you were justified in your actions and you have shown no remorse. You've never shown any remorse for anything, it's always my fault.

 

A judge isn't going to buy that, you know.

 

But I'm not like you. I don't get satisfaction from ruining people's lives. So enjoy your freedom like I'm going to enjoy mine. Marrying you, tolerating your tirades and moving back in with you after I filed for divorce and left was my own fault. I acknowledge that.

 

But I'm absolutely through with this crap. This is the straw that broke the camel's back. I refuse to allow you to mistreat me any further. I'm packing some things in tote bags right now and I'm staying with some friends who have offered me sanctuary. Your key will be on the table when you get home. I'm also changing my cell phone number today so you can't call.

 

You won't be able to abuse me any more. Don't bother to look, you won't find me. It's time for me to let my scars heal, inside and out.

 

Please find someone else to torture and then blame for it, and do not try to contact me or I'll get a restraining order before you can say "boo". Tell my family that I'll get hold of them as soon as I know I'm safe. Better yet, maybe I'll just forward this letter to my mother. I also have your friends' email addys from things you've sent me from work. I'm still thinking that over. I'm definitely going to post this letter somewhere on the Internet. Lastly, I'm calling the psychologist to tell him why I won't be there. He'll probably be interested in reading this letter, too.

 

Goodbye. Living with you has pretty much been two long and horrific decades of hell, and I'm not going to suck it all up and come back for another round ever again. You drove me block out the pain with drugs, drinking, and even suicide attempts, and you caused a very mild person to react to your harassment in other inappropriate ways as well. The frustration and humiliation are unbearable. I should have done this many, many years ago.

 

Have you ever heard "Bend The Bracket" by Chevelle? Probably not. Allow me to leave you with these words:

 

 

it's on

and the more we tense up

avoiding pain

you'll never learn a thing

'cause

 

the war is on

too weak to move

call it off

sorry... refused

[colors]

Awesome letter!!!

Good for you for Leaving, Stay strong!

Best wishes to you & your future, the world is smiling at you (:

[need2bme]

Thank you for the letter.

 

I am sure it was good to get that out and I am so sorry for all you had to go through. Please believe that not all human beings act that way. I want you to know that you can please come back for sharing and support.

 

I also want to let you know that your letter touched me in another way. I am not abusive by any stretch of the imagination, but thank you for this:

 

Tired of you spying on me, cyberstalking me, going through my email, my cell phone, my wallet, my computer... tired of you trashing my friends, of all the screaming, spitting, saying that our home and everything in it belong to you and you alone... tired of you accusing me of things I haven't done... tired of all the years of domineering and mental instability that you brought into my formerly happy life.

 

Because, when the GF broke up with me, I wanted to go through letters and emails (I did a couple, but decided that this was her business and privacy and I am ok with that), I wanted to check phone bills to see who she called (my ex-wife talked me into that one), but I decided that this was not going to happen. My GF is a good person with a good heart and she deserves respect and privacy.

 

Also, I must admit that near the end of our relationship I was always angry with her, because I thought she was taking advantage of me and did not want to be with me (granted, she has her part in this). However, I have come to realize, IF I am not strong; IF I am not kind; IF I don't make it so she wants to be around; why would she?

 

Thank you for your letter.

[AwdreeHpburn]

SoDone - welcome to ENA.

 

I was very saddened by your letter but very happy at the same time. I hope you stay far away from this person. Please know there are a lot of people here you can help you in a lot of ways so please, keep posting.

 

That was a great letter and it's reaching people. Good for you. I'm very sorry for what you had to go through.

 

-T

[Dako]

SoDone,

Welcome and thanks for your moving letter.

At least you won't be putting up with abuse in the future.

 

I hope you heal completely and find a better life free of this pain.

[Mia-Mine]

SoDone - wonderful letter. I am sad for you that you had to write it though.

 

It sounds like you have given your ex far too many chances in the past.

I am glad that you have decided to make a happy life for yourself finally.

 

There must be millions of people out there, that would be honoured to have someone as smart and loyal as you seem to be from your letter.