I need opinions/ advice or someone to just listen and respond

[sbar]

Ok so I thought I met the love of my life. I have dated before but never had I had a connection with anyone like this before. He was everything I was looking for. He had the right body type, the right personality, the right looks the right everything. He was perfect for me. I didn't think so at first but we had met at a party and when he called me we talked for 3 hours and it was like he was taking the words right out of my mouth. I really was all history from there.

 

By 2 monthes he told me he loved me and I already had had an idea that I loved him within the first week of talking to him. We dated for a while and we slept together after about 5 and a half monthes, which was a big deal considering we were both virgins and because we loved each other I thought it was ok even though it was sooner than I had imagined. We dated for a while longer and then things started happening to interfere. First of all it was his job. He wanted to be a paramedic resulting in him having to work out of town and being away for several nights a week. I would get upset every time he would go away. I loved him and I wanted him there, but I knew he needed the money so I let him go and work. Then later even his mom told him that his family was moving back to ontario.

 

From there things seemed to go down hill. We would hang out but he really wouldn't be there(mentally). He started turning me down sexually. I thought it was because he we shared different beliefs for a while but later I found out it was because he wasn't sure about how he felt any more. By about 10 monthes things really had fallen apart. He told me he didnt' feel the same way anymore. I felt like it was coming out of nothing but looking back I can see the signs. I tried so hard to fight for what I thought was right. I told him that I loved him and eventually I convinced him to go on a "break" with me. Meaning that we would date again but it was up to him to instigate it. It went well for a while and we remained friends with benefits. I had even mentioned that the only reason that was occurring was because I knew there was a promise of a relationship later.

 

As things turned out we talked on the phone and he said we had to "talk". He told me that he didn't want this anymore and he didn't want a relationship right now. I had expected it but it still really hurt because I really thought he was the one and he now had turned his back on me. Then, two days later I found out that he was moving out with his ex. I had always had really negitive feelings towards her. He told me that it wasn't because he wanted to get back with her, but it was becaue he had no other choice. I am now at the point where I am no longer angry at him because he didn't tell me. I feel like he didn't tell me cause he didn't want to hurt me more than he already did. But I had to find out from my best friend. At least she had the balls to tell me.

 

I am slowly getting over it and it has been about 2 monthes since all this has gone down. I miss him terribly and more recently I have cried myself to sleep over this. He is convinced that this is it, but I didn't think that I could ever feel this strong about anyone. He had even told me once that he loved me more than I would ever know. I just can't believe that type of love would disappear. I tried to forget about him, but it is not working. I still love him more than anything and my feelings for him haven't changed. I know I am stupid for wanting him back but I feel like we weren't given a fair chance. I just want some words of inspiration from someone.

 

I am sorry this is a little long but I wish someone would read this and tell me what they think and see if they think that he will ever change his mind. I feel like fate drew us together and he really was meant to be with me. I just don't know anymore and it hurts to think that I will have to move on without him because I truly believed he was the love of my life as well as my first love. We have been keeping in contact by email, other than that it has been limited. I just wish someone would give me some advice or some inspirational words because for a while I thought it was getting better but I still love him as much as I did before and I just can't seem to let go no matter what I do. I just wish that he could love me again.

 

A part of me thinks he will come around but another (common sense) thinks he wont. It's really all I want at this point because it just hurts all the time without him. So please if anyone can offer advice on how to work on getting him back, or accepting it, or doing something to stop the hurt I would greatly appreciate it. I just don't know what to do anymore because it hurts and all I want is him. Sorry this is a little long. Any advice is welcome.

Thank you.

[DN]

I have broken your post into paragraphs for you so it is easier to read- that way you may get more responses.

 

I think you are best advised to accept in your heart that the relationship is over. Until you do that you cannot start to heal and move on because you are stuck hoping he will come back to you. This is a very hard thing to do but until you are able to do it you will remain unhappy.

 

You need to let your rational side take over from your emotions for a while.

[Aurian]

It might also be best to stop email contact, since keeping in contact with him is keeping your hopes alive. Its dragging out your feelings and not letting you move on.

 

Its really hard losing someone you love. However, it seems like he isn't interested in a relationship anymore, so you need to do what you can do to move on.

[stolenshadow]

Oh, I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain over this.

 

There are a few things you can do. One, accept nothing is permanent, if the guy doesn't feel the same way anymore it's okay, there will be other guys and there's a huge world out there waiting for you.

 

Two, you won't be able to let go until you stop wishing he returns, and there are reasons why even if he returned you shouldn't take him back, think about those.

 

Finally, it seems to me things happened way too fast, I could be wrong so ignore this if it doesn't sound like your situation.

There are people who go WAY over the top with many things, they use lines like "greatest ever"/"most perfect"/"love of my life" loosely, they make you feel like you are the most marvellous thing in the universe but there's a catch, because they say it before getting to know you, they move fast, and as sudden they say their strong love statements they also say they don't feel the same way.

It's easy to believe what they say when they seem so sure of what they want, but there are always some red flags.

 

In any case, you will feel better, give it time, make a decision to move on and allow yourself to see what else life is offering you.

[sbar]

thank you for all who have responded it helps to know that people do care, I just am so frustrated more than anything because I felt like if none of these things ( like his job and his family moving) hadn't interfered we would still be happy and together. I know it might be being a bit unrealistic but I really felt like our feelings were mutual and genuine and maybe if he can just get settled in his life again he might see that, but sadly that won't be for a very long time even if it does happen. Any more responses and opinions would be greatly appreciated.