What is she thinking??..

[gq_boi]

hi people, i have a big problem..i've been dating my ex for 2 years exactly. On july first it was our anniversary, she wanted to go out, so i said come over to my house. Then we didnt talk for the day, and i tried contacting her. At night she sent me an email about breaking up and be friends and stuff like that. She said she doesnt want to see me for a while, we need time to be alone. I know that it was our anniversary, just that i didnt get right into the topic to mention it about it. She got very mad i know, she must be really hurt and she cant take it anymore, because there are times we have issues, and we always end up being back together again. This time it is so serious, i don't want to let her go. Many people told me to leave her alone, don't talk to her or do whatever things to make it worse. I just want to know what you ppl think shes thinking??

[dopexile]

She's thinking that she can control you by threatening to leave you. Just blow it off and don't show any signs of weakening or missing her... you'll win either way. Don't mention the anniversary, don't contact her, if she wants to contact you that's fine. Either she'll come back to you or you'll know you didn't mean much to her and she'll be out of your life saving you a lot of hassle.

[joyce1412]

i agree with dopexile. give the both of you some space so you can see what you really want. if she's really broken up with you in the past, then i hate to say it, but move along to another woman. not every girl will put you through the breakup-make up mess.

 

the thing that bothers me most about this is that she seems to want to take a "break" and then get back together when she sees fit. if you talk to her at all, i hope you have the strength to mention that you will not always be waiting on her.

[gq_boi]

oh man...okay guys, i was stupid enough seriously. Couple days later, i kept on writing her long emails bout how i feel and stuff, and then i went to buy a dozen of flowers. I left it on her door and she did receive it. She sent me an email saying thanks for the flowers, dont need to do that. Nothing will bring me back to you. That hurts so much, but i just know that she is very mad and stuff. I dont know if she still has feelings for me, or is that she just wants to be alone for now. i dont know it is very complicated, she said she needs to be alone, single. I think its a good idea that i don't do anything, because she probably thinks im annoying which makes it even more worse. So guys..i guess i have to let time decide??

[dopexile]

You're sending her a message that her behavior is acceptable. It's not. She would respect you more if you would be a man and stand up for yourself than trying to buy her off with flowers and sending her emails that aren't appropriate for her behavior. All that does is let her know that you'd put up with pretty much anything.

[gq_boi]

= /.....i've heard stories about miracles, about breaking up and getting back together...hmmm..ahhh >

[joyce1412]

You're sending her a message that her behavior is acceptable. It's not. She would respect you more if you would be a man and stand up for yourself than trying to buy her off with flowers and sending her emails that aren't appropriate for her behavior. All that does is let her know that you'd put up with pretty much anything.

 

agreed. your actions are positive reinforcement. this is like a classic case study of behavior. you don't give a kid a piece of candy for being whiny or disobedient, so you don't give her flowers for giving you crap. pull out the rug of security from underneath her and go total NC. then i'll bet you'll eventually see her freak out when she notices you're not catering to her anymore.

 

not that i want you to wait for her to come back...see this girl for whom she really is.

[joyce1412]

= /.....i've heard stories about miracles, about breaking up and getting back together...hmmm..ahhh >

 

yes, but you HAVE gotten back together before, and look where it's gotten you now. what's so great about getting back together if you're still going through this CRAP?

[gq_boi]

sigh..sometimes i have issues, i just pms at her sometimes, and she told me that she cant tolerate it sometimes, those days i was an * * *, i told her that i would change but i never did. But guys...this time she really did change me..because it is such big impact..that she will change me. I told her that, i dont know if she believes me or not, most likely not?? but i dont think it matters anymore, i feel so stressed about it.

[joyce1412]

if your change is apparent, she might decide you are worth giving another try...MIGHT. but women grow tired of repeated mistakes and unfulfilled promises made in the past.

 

in the meantime, decide if SHE herself has made any apparent changes in her manipulative behavior. then think about whether SHE is worth another try.

[gq_boi]

how does she know if i changed though?

 

anywayz..here is the letter she sent me...

 

Andrew, I need to tell you something.

 

I know it's just out of the blue, and it might make you feel far more than confused and mad. But it's getting at me. It's this feeling I can't get off my mind.

 

I need to break up now.

 

It's not because I'm with another guy or anything. I figured I needed the time and space to breathe. Clear things off my mind and see where I'm trying to get through.

 

To tell you the truth, I lost my feelings for you. I can't seem to find that bond within us anymore. I am so sorry. I know you won't be able to let go. But I can't help it anymore. Nothing will work to bring us back together.

 

I believe we're better off as good friends now.

 

I seriously thank you for everything you've been through with me. My feelings back then for you were true as I believe yours were true for me. I really hope this won't affect our friendship. I know it's hard to even be friends after a breakup. We'll give each other some time.

 

I won't forget you.

 

Best of luck in your future.

 

-Friends Forever.

[iceman85]

Hey man thats a tough letter to receive, I know the gutcheck that comes from hearing those words. For right now you have to do your best to grieve and then get over it. She wont be coming back anytime soon. Theres obviously something going on with her and she wants to have space. Do as the others here have told you and go NC. That way your not smothering her and she has her space, but most importantly it will detach you from this situation eventually and help you start to become yourself again. Best of luck.