its over...I'm devastated

[danylion]

I have been posting through this week after an argument with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. The argument was petty but he was so mad and froze me out. I now know that he is really stressed at work and that he can't handle any relationship problems and can't go on. He said we'll talk properly at the weekend, I suppose to finalise the relationship. He is going away for a month on the 15th to Panama so I guess he thinks he might as well do it now rather than having it hanging over his head.

 

 

Of course he is sorry and said the usual, it's just a bad time in my life, too much going on. I have always been there for him but he never made it obvious he was under so much pressure, if he'd just said. I am also thinking that he has been feeling like this for a while and I am know its not just the pressure of work and obviously the relationship is troubling him. I just can't understand as we have been really happy and planning our trip to Bali in October. He is quite moody after a row but he never leaves it this long and we do call each other, this is how I knew it was something more serious.

 

I am dreading the break up chat and I almost want to text him and say don't bother I know what is coming but deep down I need to hear the truth no matter how much it hurts.

 

I so desparately want to tell him I love and care for him but he's asked for space so I am respecting that.

 

I am a bit of a mess, all sorts going through my head trying to stay calm and deal with the extremeness of this situation. I can't concentrate on anything else and keep thinking about him, I miss him. I know no one has the answer I just need to tell someone with out feeling like I am going mental or sounding paranoid and nurotic.

 

Thanks for reading, all of you x

[arwen]

Oh hun, I am so sorry for you. I think he's trying to do the best thing and still want to arrange for a meeting this weekend. I don't know if he wants to break up, at least be cautious for things like 'I just need a break from the relationship' or 'I need to be by myself for a while'. I think in these cases it's best to break up completely, so that there is no painful period of you still having hope and him being on vacation etc.

 

I understand it's weird to think about the trip you were planning, but it happens. When someone hasn't been feeling well in the relationship, sometimes it's hard to admit that. It's probably not what he wants to feel either.

 

It's hard to have 'the talk' this weekend, but I think it's better to have it and really close things of. It's a good way of starting to heal from it all, and I am sure you will do great. You seem a rational and strong woman, and you will get any support you need on the forum as well. Most of us have been there, struggled with the initial stages of a break up, and turned out really well and stronger than before. Your feelings are normal under the circumstances. Try to do a bit of work, and take time to 'indulge' yourself. Don't sit at home tonight or tomorrow night, arrange some plans with girlfriends. It's better to be a bit distracted from it all.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[danylion]

thank you,

it really helps to get feedback, you know when you're feeling at your lowest.

Deep breaths I suppose.

[eleanorrigby1]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds so painful.

 

He is not taking the cowards way out and is willnig to discuss this with you which shows that he respects you. I hope your conversation clears up any confusion you are feeling.

 

Good luck

[danylion]

Oh my, I just saw his brother at lunchtime in soho, he works near by.

 

He was really vague and couldn't wait to get away, we get on really well and always have great chats. (we all went away two weeks ago and had a wonderful time). He was so uncomfortable, I know he knows and just wanted to get out of there. I was really hoping that he hadn't said anything to him but it's obvious, which freaks me even more (he wouldn't say anything to his bro about us so it's a bad sigh....oh hell!)

 

I know i'm sounding crazy but I love this man and I feel ripped apart and scared. I wasn't prepared for this at all, I don't think I can do this, I must try to keep on top of it.

 

I havn't heard from him today about when we are going to talk. Oh god I wish I was stronger. It's so crazy...I can't believe Im feeling so stressed, But there is alot of good advice in this forum, some of you guys much be therapists or definitely should be.

 

I want to contact him, should I.......I just don't know?

[brickchamp]

I understand the pain you are going through. I know you must be dreading the meeting with him, but at least he wants to talk things over. Whichever way it goes, the fact that you will get some sort of explanation and/or closure will help you in the long run. My ex wouldn't let me talk to him or anything. He just ended it in a text. You don't want to do that, trust me, because then you'll drive yourself crazy wondering about all the whys and what-ifs. Or at least I have. I know that this is all you can think of. I can barely make myself focus on work and friends and family. It's natural, and it does hurt terribly. Just do what you need to do....cry, rest, talk to friends, whatever....I'd say try to take your mind off it, but I know that's impossible. Just prepare for the worst at the meeting...maybe it won't be as bad as you're expecting...maybe it will. Just have friends ready to support you, and of course talk to your friends here. This forum has helped me so much. Take care of yourself.

[HangingInThere]

do not contact him - give him the space he ask for...if anything, that is going to make him feel more uneasy and probably push him to do somethig he wasn't really planning on doing!

 

as for his bro, maybe he was in a rush to head back to work or something.

 

stop looking into everything as if it is a sign (the world doesn't evolve around this) not to sound so harsh....but stop taking everything for more than what it is!

 

prepare for the worse and hope for the best! (the talk)

 

kepp yourself together! if he definitely wants to end the relationship, just be a strong woman and 'bow' out gracefully!

[brickchamp]

It's valid for you to contact him and just settle when and where you'll meet, because he said you would talk. If he hadn't, I'd say don't contact him. I broke no contact for the first time in over a month yesterday, and I'm STILL kicking myself. I feel so foolish, because he didn't respond at all. I'm sorry you had the awkward meeting with his brother. I know you are so sick over this. I know you want to be stronger, so do we all. I lost all strength yesterday, and I had been doing so well. Not one text to him since the day he ended it. But I heard his voice on my work phone, and I crumbled. It's natural when you feel like the person you love is slipping away, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

[arwen]

Hey danylion,

 

If I am correct, your ex (?) and you talked things over yesterday or today. How are you? What did he say? I am sorry you had an encounter with his brother, that is one of these awkward things. My ex's sister and I always were on good terms and she'd call to see how I was after the break up. That was very nice of her, but still too awkward. In fact in retrospect I am more sorry of losing the contact with her than the contact with that ex!

 

Keep us posted,

 

Ilse