My best friend betrayed and used me

[seminole]

Today I got a phone call from my best friend and said she was getting married to a total loser only after 2 months of knowing him.Then she said she would never call me again.I said why and she said you dont call friends while youre married.I said BS and told her you dont give up on friends just because you are getting married but she didnt listen.I have done alot for her in the 2 years since I've known her,sometimes more than I should have.I feel used and betrayed by her and now feel she was never my friend in the first place.

[RayKay]

I would guess this may have been something her boyfriend told her - as a way to cut off her contacts to the outside world. Has he shown any signs of being abusive or anything? This is what abusers and controllers do, manipulate partner into closing the rest of world and having an "us vs them" mentality.

 

Honestly, it's her choice. And she will regret cutting her friends out of her life.

 

How old is she? She seems pretty naive too to what marriage is!

[seminole]

Her boyfriend has cut her off from all her friends and treats her like a child .She is 31 years old.

[Beyondthesea]

Yeah, he's definitely abusive and has manipulated her into thinking this is right.

 

Do you have any contact with her family?

[seminole]

No,she dont want me to call her house or go over to her house because she was afraid her boyfriend would find out.Also this not the first time she has done this to me.About a year and a half ago,she met this guy who was abusive to her and she didnt call me for a year and a half.After she broke up with this loser,she called me.I guess its also my fault for letting her call me,but I gave her another chance.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Let her go. You can't fix her situation, she needs to learn to set appropriate boundaries in her own life for herself. You can't do it for her. Be there to help her if she needs it, or if she decides to start standing up for herself. But just don't do her emotional work for her. It's not fair to you, and it only enables her to continue that way.

[seminole]

I told her never to call me again.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

That's probably good. She's acting weird, and truth be told it's not your responsibility to deal with her if the friendship isn't reciprocal.

[Mr Mister1]

It's her loss, any maybe it's something she needs to learn about and well grow up from! If you do as she wishes, as things get worse with this new guy she'll soon realise how silly she was to cut off her support.

[GottaLetItBurn]

Let me just tell you this is definatly not normal behavior. You don't ever do that to your friend unless there is something wrong with you. It's not your fault, I have been betrayed too. Then later they tried to be my friend and it wasn't happening. What goes around comes around, she is going to find out in time.

 

I agree with other posts, she has been manipulated. I was just reading about stockholm sydrome, and I realized sometimes people can get such power over someone. I think he has an unhealthy amount of control over her. So let her be a fool, and find a better friend. I really hope things work out, I feel for you. I hope you get way better friends then that, but know it's not your fault.