I Was SOOO Tempted

[brickchamp]

I saw my ex for the first time in a month this past weekend. When I walked towards a group of people he was with, he instantly turned around and walked away. He didn't talk to me, and barely looked at me until Sunday, when all of a sudden I was getting these long stares again...go figure. But still no talking. That being said, I have to say, Sunday I was SO, SO tempted to text him! It was a work event we were attending, and he had done something pretty impressive, and I wanted to say "good job" but I HELD ON until the urge passed. And the last couple of days, after seeing him, inexplicably I've been missing him. I wanted to text him and just say "I miss you" or say something about how I'm sad that we can't even talk as friends anymore....but instead I texted a girlfriend and I said "I need you to keep me from doing something stupid," which she did! Anyway, I have to see him again this weekend, and I hope my resolve doesn't dissolve! I just needed to get all that out....NC ain't a walk in the park is it?

[mikeca]

youve done everything right, felt tempted but found comfort here and with a friend.. well done.

 

and no..it sure isnt. hah

[brickchamp]

Hey, thanks mike! Yes, if it weren't for my best friend, and the wonderful people on this forum, God bless 'em, I might have made a fool of myself already! But I'm staying strong!

[PRSOV]

He was completely rude for turning his back on you and refusing to talk to you, which in my opinion is quite childish. Why did he do this? Did you break up on bad terms?

 

The hardwork is all done in the beggining, these urges you are having now are completely normal... but rest assured what you did was definitely the right thing to do.

 

NC will get easier with time,

 

hang in there

[brickchamp]

Thanks for the reply PRSOV...I had been secretly in love with this guy for a long time, and he recently came out and said he loved me....we were together a short time, he talked about the future, but there was one big complication. I'd been in a relationship previously ( an unhappy, abusive one) with a friend of his. A month ago, I saw him, everything seemed fine, he loved me, etc, then I don't hear from him for three days. I texted him multiple times wondering what was going on, and he finally says he can't do his friend wrong anymore and it's over. I asked him if we could meet and talk it over, and he said no it's over. In a text. That was it. You could argue he did the right thing if he really thought he was hurting his friend, but why so cruel to me when he said how much I meant to him....I don't understand ending it so coldly and then refusing to ever acknowledge me again...

[FCTex]

Your VERY strong. Be proud of that.

 

He sounds childish. Waking away. Leaving on the whim, of "wronging his friend"..

 

I think you did the right thing to stay away afterwards. NC is not easy.. It's easy to say, easy to suggest, but NOT TO DO!

 

Congrats though. Just hang in there. You sound like you offer far more than eitheir of those men could handle, or deserve. You don't deserve him even as a friend if he can simply act like that.

 

Stick to your guns, your doing good.

[PRSOV]

This may seem a little far fetched but do you think he had any residing guilt that you had been in an abusive relationship with his friend, and decided to end it on those terms? Is there anything else that you feel caused him to make this decision.

 

I think the way he broke up with you was cowardly, he could have at least said it to your face so you could have responded, understand his actual reasons for wanting the breakup and finally getting some closure on the matter.

 

In time he may realise what he has done, but for now stick with the NC and when you see him just act as if you have never met him before. Treat him the way he is treating you.

 

PR

[brickchamp]

thanks FCTex, that's reassuring to hear. I thought maybe I was wrong for feeling the way I do. You described it PERFECTLY, btw. It did seem like it was a whim. I called him on it and told him I thought it was a cop out, but of course I got nothing in return. I knew he could be very immature, but for a short time I allowed myself to be swept away, and fooled by his charm. I guess I'm lucky I got out as soon as I did, even though I felt like I would die at first. Again, thanks for the kind words, and I will try my best to stay strong when I have to see him again soon.

[brickchamp]

PRSOV...He caught wind that his friend suspected something was happening between us, I know that. I had asked him REPEATEDLY if his friend was going to be a problem, because I did NOT want to get hurt. I also got the feeling I wanted a more serious relationship than him, even though he said he was in love with me first, but again, he ALWAYS said he was sure of his feelings, and wanted a future with me. Even though he "reassured" me, I got hurt, as I suspected I would. I knew it would be an uphill battle, but I couldn't control my feelings. Yes, his ending it in a text in a few words, and refusing to let me speak to him at all has been a source of grief. And I thought I might get a feel for what he was thinking when I saw him, but as I said, all I got was ignored. Until Sunday, that is, when he started giving me these long stares.....who knows what that means. He used to do that....Anyway, I feel like I deserved better than to be treated in such a mean way. I have done so much for this person, and I am still shell shocked that he cut me loose with no remorse that I can see...oh well, no good deed goes unpunished. Thanks again

[brickchamp]

Stilllll fighting temptation. I have to be around him again, sigh, this weekend...I hope I can keep it together like last weekend...I'm taking my computer on the trip with me so I can come here when/if I feel the urge to text him!!

[AwdreeHpburn]

brickchamp - serioulsy, you are a champ! You're one strong lady.

 

You can do it again this weekend! Bringing your comp is a good idea. Then you can post here. You can even post here what ever text you'd like to send him. Say it here instead of sending it to him.

 

You can't stop now. You've come this far. Throwing it all away and starting all over would be so much tougher.

 

Soldier on! You're doing fabulously!

 

-T

[joyce1412]

brickchamp, there's a total power struggle between you and your ex. think about my situation...by not responding to MY ex's text, i feel soooooo much better because i'm staying above his games, and i'm totally justified in doing so. the only thing texting your ex will let him do is go to sleep with a smile on his face because he'll know he still has power over you.

 

the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. the worst thing in the world is not when someone despises you, but when someone can't even be bothered to care about you. if you stop caring, he can't go to sleep smiling--because he'll be tossing and turning knowing you don't give a crap. you actually giving a crap is mental and emotional food for him! so starve him out. also, not caring will be nice for you because you won't be poisoning yourself with hatred.

 

if you really feel the need to communicate with him, post every message that you'd like to send him on here. and for every message you do NOT send, we will reward you by saying one mean thing about your ex. just kidding. (or am i?)

 

but seriously, imagine all the things that would go through his head if you texted him:

"aha! i've still got her!"

"so THAT'S why she's been wearing all those cute outfits--for me! i knew it!"

"well, guess i don't need to be so worried about getting a date now...i've got someone who wants me already! no pressure!"

OR even worse...

"now i remember why i dumped her. too needy. and WAY too into me."

 

and the one thing that WON'T be going through his head?

"aww, she really loves me...okay, now i want to be with her again!"

 

focus on those if it helps. don't let him have the upper hand, because he is far too low of a man for that.