B/F's Birthday, who am I obligated to invite

[dizzylizzy]

Just looking for some opinions.

 

My B/F and I have been living together for two years. His kids are 19 and 21 don't live with us, my kids are 17 and 20 and the 17 year old lives with us. My kids accept him, his kids for the most part haven't accepted me. Every holiday, B/F birthday etc. I have extended invites to his kids and family to join us. His family always accepts, for the most part his kids decline or blame me when they blow off their dad. I have finally hit a point of where I am tired of extending myself to them. Next month is his 50th birthday and I want to do something special to mark the 50th but really am not looking forward to going through the process with his kids again (I invite, we arrange and rearrange our plans and schedules to meet their needs and it still ends up not working out) so I'm looking at my options 1) Just he and I do something and let his kids make their own plans to do what they want with their dad 2) I make plans for a special day and invite his family, excluding the kids and let them make their own plans with him or 3) I make plans for the special day and invite everyone and continue to endure the disappointment and disrespect. His daughter usually accepts the invitations after putting us through the ringer but has made it clear to both of us that she prefers it be just her and her dad and to exclude me, and his son has told him that he doesn't accept most invitations because he is having trouble dealing with divorce. I guess I am tired of the fight and figure what is wrong with giving them what they want. I will do my thing, they can do their thing. Since their dads birthday hits on a weekday I figure this shouldn't be a problem as whatever I do will be on the weekend and they can have his birthday or one of the days on the weekend.

 

I welcome everyone's thoughts and input.

[Jjasonn28]

Hi there.

 

I think you are putting way too much worry into this situation. I am 28, but went through a similar situation. (Parents divorced, and having problems accepting my mothers new boyfriend).

 

The kids are young, and will do what they want, when they want, how they want, regardless of how much effort you put in. However, no matter how much they resist, push back, decline... etc.. you need to keep putting in that effort. But do it in a way that keeps your headaches down quite a bit.

 

For your bf's 50th, which is a HUGE deal... dont have the party at your house. Rent a hall. Plan it well in advance, and Invite everyone with formal invitations. This way, you've covered your bases. With the neutral location, it makes things equally comfortable to everyone. Planning well in advance will give everyone enough time to make sure they have 'nothing else to do'. Formal invitations, while maybe not as personal as you may like, again covers your butt, as you have treated everyone invited as equals. Oh, and dont make it a surprise party. Make sure he knows about it.

 

Dont ever make arrangements to suit their convenience. I realize they are his kids, and that you want them included, to be a part of this relationship, but bending over backwards for them, only to have them dissappoint over and over isn't worth it. Make an effort, but realise that no matter how hard you try, they will continue to be stubborn. Dont worry, they will grow out of it, especially if your relationship with your bf continues to grow and mature. So will they.

[Momene]

Don't arrange a party. I never had one for my 50th as I was away on business. Instead I got a solar telescope and am getting hours of enjoyment from it.

 

Get him a special present and forget about who's coming or not.