please advice, in a dilemma

[notanymore]

hi everyone

i ll try n keep it simple, my ex cheated on me, i called it off,was out of town for 3 months,she found someone else, frankly i dont care wht she s up to, with college already started i m tryin to avoid her as much as possible, doing NC,

 

i m feelin better, but our common set of friends , who all know what she has done to me is wrong,continue to hang around with her like earlier, which is why i have been avoiding them. should i continue to aviod them .

 

we were a gang of the 12 of us including my ex

 

please help me decide.

[shelly7]

Yes, continue to avoid her, this is about you and your healing. What are you suppose to do hang out with her and her new guy. You're better than that. Your true friends will understand that you need more time, and they'll make an effort to do things with just you. Stay strong!

[notanymore]

Yes, continue to avoid her, this is about you and your healing. What are you suppose to do hang out with her and her new guy. You're better than that. Your true friends will understand that you need more time, and they'll make an effort to do things with just you. Stay strong!

i m avoiding her alright but what about my friends, thts my problem, do i avoid em as well

[TheRock]

Hey,

It is ok to avoid them. At this stage, I think you should do what makes you feel better, and certainly hanging around them (because it reminds you of her) is not making you feel better. If some of them notice and ask why you are not hanging around as much, be honest and tell them that you would rather not be reminded of your ex. Some will understand and some won't. You will find out who your true friends are. Also, it is Ok to want some alone time sometimes. Good luck.

[keenan]

I don't know. I'm the one who ended up with all of our friends, but I don't know why it happened that way. Your friends are in a tough spot. They're probably trying to stay neutral and pretend that things are somewhat normal, so they're going to agree to hang out with whichever of you calls them.... This isn't necessarily because they are on 'her' side more than yours.

 

 

Do you miss them MORE THAN you're mad that they're still hanging out with her? Could you ever be friends with them on your own, while knowing that they still see her? Sometimes it's easier to just start fresh, but in a few months you may regret not having your old gang around you.

[searching1951]

I have been avoiding my friends as well. I finally told them that I was becasue they would always bring her up. It's hard just knowing they know about her and I don't. She's marrying her arrogant pr%ck first ex in September sometime. I don't know the date, but they do. It's ok to keep your distance.

[shelly7]

i m avoiding her alright but what about my friends, thts my problem, do i avoid em as well

 

 

Don't avoid your friends. Make alternate plans to do things with them one on one for a while. They will understand. I promise.

[notanymore]

Don't avoid your friends. Make alternate plans to do things with them one on one for a while. They will understand. I promise.

 

I was hoping to do the same, but then there is always a chance of running into her, because she also hangs out with these ppl, secondly whenever her name comes up in any discussion.

wht am i supposed to do

[notanymore]

an update on the above

it pinched few of my friends that i was avoiding em and one of em forced me out for a couple of drinks where he asked me about my reasons to avoid everyone.in due course and a few drinks later he revealed to me that during the three months i was away my ex was already goin around with 3 guys at the same time,she was even caught making out in cops with one of em in a car,she was also apparently seeing someone while we were going around, and my friends knew bout it but they knew i wont believe them if they told me about it.on top of it she was caught stealing money from her roommate's purse apparently to pay up to an ex who was blackmailing her.looks can be so decetive and someone who seems like an innocent dall could turn out so shady is beyond my comprehension.+

 

a few more instances also convinced me that she was just not the person for me and it was my good luck i called it off or else i would ve been for an even tougher time.

 

it was a rude awakening for me, how can someone just use and abuse people who care for them , i mean i was a sitting duck.am gettin back with friends, but not totally, i put myself first now , regardless of what happens, it was a tough lesson to learn , and boy! have i learnt it the hard way.

 

i ve realised that this has , in fact been one of the darkest chapters in my life, but i guess it has shaken me enough to find my own puropose in life.

 

It has not been an epiphamy like my friend aden but it is nothing short of it either, maybe this is the turning point in my life.

cheers to u

[pablovblack]

notanymore

 

I'm glad you are coming to the realisation that this girl is just not who you thought she was, Its better to find out early and make a change.

 

You know now she doesnt need to be on a pedistal and you dont need to be afraid of seeing her around, shes not good enought for you so dont let your self feel like the one who has to run scared..

 

Chin up, lets Rock and Roll.

 

Aden

[notanymore]

notanymore

 

I'm glad you are coming to the realisation that this girl is just not who you thought she was, Its better to find out early and make a change.

 

You know now she doesnt need to be on a pedistal and you dont need to be afraid of seeing her around, shes not good enought for you so dont let your self feel like the one who has to run scared..

 

Chin up, lets Rock and Roll.

 

Aden

u r absolutly right mate, its jus thati never expected her to be so immoral

its time to rock n roll.

cheers