Asking out a "professional" -- only after I can get over my shyness

[JasonQ]

Ok, this is a long one, but please try to hang in while I describe the whole situation. I will start with my shyness, which will explain why I have a problem talking to people.

 

Last year, I met this girl that I thought was pretty cool. I didnt really know her, and just kinda tried to hang around her and eventually SHE was the one who started talkin to me. Albeit she wanted something (the only reason people talk to me) we started talking. Out of the deal I got her phone number. It was more luck/by nature that I got her number, as opposed the conventional way of asking for it... Thru the course of a couple of months, she called me and I called her. One night we even talked about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (nothing) for a while. I was the idiot who made the mistake of ending the call. But by that time there was nothing more to talk about, and there was the akward silence.

 

This was HUGE for me that I was even able to talk to her on the phone. I am extremely shy. And for someone I like, it is very hard. If it is a stranger... well its game on, no fear.

 

Time went on, and I ended up asking her on a "date" -- I wouldnt call it a date, but for the purpose of discussion, we will call it a date. She was reluctant at first, but I wasnt about to let her say no.

 

She drove for at least 45 minutes from her house to meet me, and we went from there. At the first part of the date, I kept my cool and held it together. About halfway thru, I could barely stand up, was very nauseous, and ended up... actually getting sick. Yes.... Sick. I tried to hide it, by walking away when I did... But she knew what was going on, and yet, she still continued to hang with me and we went and saw a movie. That went as good as to be expected by now.

 

Needless to say, I never saw her again, which is understandable, but I salute her.

 

Thats the problem. I cannot even talk to people I even remotely like, because I get sick. I cannot eat for days. My stomach churns, and I get so anxious, that I even lose weight. HOW do I overcome that?

 

Now on to now...

 

About 2 months ago, I was at the bank getting my check cashed in the drivethru. My car is a nice car and to be honest, I think this plays a role in my story. The teller, at the time was workin the window and it seemed as if she was doing all she could to keep me there talking. Trying to get me to do more business with the bank. And to me it felt like she was just trying to hold a conversation with me, all the while admiring my car.

 

I know this sounds materialistic, but lets look past that for a minute.

 

I declined the offers, because well, they werent that great. But this doesnt really matter.

 

About 2 weeks later, I walk into the bank, ask to get some money out, and I get the teller that was trying (appearantly) chat me up -- business of course. So yeah, ask for the money, and I told her I didnt have a bank slip or anything, but I could provide ID. She said she wouldnt need it. She remembers me because of my car. Thats cool... So she remembers my first and last name, of which the only time I told her was the first time we ever talked.

 

My point here, is that it seems like she remembered me (or my car) over the many other customers she sees. AND she remembered my name. the only problem is I dont know hers... OOPS

 

I know I am probably reading in to this too much, but to me... it just seems like I could have a better chance in asking her.

 

Fast forward to just a couple of days ago. I go in to cash a check, and shes there, but doesnt get to help me. But yet she still makes an effort to smile at me.

 

NOW...

 

We already know that I dont know her name, because Im clueless. But the question is, how do I strike up any non business related conversation with her. A bank is a very uptight place, all business, no play. Granted this isnt like a TV bank, its a smaller bank, and you really can get to know the people that work there, but how exactly do you ask your bank teller out.

 

And then, what do you do? A movie? Remember from earlier, I get very sick, and dont dare doing something involving food...

 

Nerves get the best of me.

 

Sorry for such a long post, and thank you for reading it. Please help me out.

 

And please dont give me the line of "just do it, you will regret it more not doing it and not knowing, than doing it and knowing." I can give that advice too, I just cant follow my own advice.

[shelly7]

Hi Jason, you can try saying to her while at her window, "How are you today?" she'll respond. Keep up the small talk, "Busy today?" ....mabye compliment a piece of jewelry she is wearing, etc... Once the transaction is complete, tell her to have a great day, and then say "What was your first name?" she'll respond and you can say "Okay, so and so, I'll see you tomorrow". Next time you go in strike up a friendly conversation because now you know her name. If another teller opens up first you can politely say, "I'm going to wait for so and so". Then you can build up a rapport. Take it slowly, then when you're comfortable with her ask her out to lunch. I think that interacting with this woman a few times will help you to feel more comfortable if you decide to go out with her. Good luck!

[Scotcha]

Bank tellers often have their name on a little plate by their window/counter. Either that or name tags. Or.. You could always make a point of telling her that you didn't catch her name and I'm sure she'll tell you. Then you could ask her if she'd like to go out.

 

She likes cars.. Maybe there is a car show in your area? Tis the season.

 

Maybe if you tried doing something like that or something else non-traditional as a first date you'd be less nervous. Perhaps trying a new experience together would give you something else to think about.

[Budman]

This is a sneaky little trick I've thought up.

 

One of the way's you can do this is walk up, and say I'm sorry (extend your hand), we haven't properly been introduced, My name is Todd. (usually) they will give you there name, and smile a huge freaking smile.

 

If you get the cahonies, (I haven't just yet) you could even kiss there hand.

[heloladies21]

Much props for you to try and get over your shyness and learn how to talk to women. Keep at it and you'll get there.

 

You probably want to get her phone number at first unless it seems like she's so interested to the point where she'd agree to a meet up on the spot. You'll get better at sensing this with practice over time on a bunch of different women.

 

A great way to talk to women is by teasing them and off the cuff remarks. You could've said something like "hey it sounds like you know my name, but what about yours?" Then more small talk. Then you could say something like "hey listen I actually gotta run, but why don't you throw me your number and i'll give you a ring later on?"

 

For more info on this stuff go to

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[Taomagicdragon]

Try this: Hey, i lost my pin number, can i ahveyour phone number so at least it's not a total loss?

 

You have to do something direct at her workplace because she is suppossed to be working and can't spend 10 minutes on subtlites, hints, and innuendo (no, not sexual ones). Just ask her, she will likely say yes if you're being truthful in your post.