Is there point in being in a relationship?

[Dako]

Then we just disagree.

I could write more, but it's pointless to argue semantics.

Have a great life.

[colors]

Then we just disagree.

I could write more, but it's pointless to argue semantics.

Have a great life.

 

So true

Enjoy your life too...and good job with the ex, Either way we both agree it was successful

[Momene]

Agree! Also is a 20 year marriage that was good for 19 a failure? I'd say NO.

 

I think that there are loads of people that have issues that never come anywhere near this board. I just listen to people talk. Those of us on here are maybe a bit more analytical than the general public but we like to talk about these things online an that's what makes us different.

 

As for me, I'm in a 17-year marriage that was good for 15, bad for 2 and somewhere in the middle for the last few months. It may or may not last but if it doesn't, I will think of the good 15 and the great daughter we have together.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'm wondering the same thing.

 

Of late, it occurred to me that Im a member of several boards/online communities. I'd say that ... hmm... 3 of these are relationship-centred. Of course, because people don't just post about success stories, there's a lot of discouraging stuff on there.

 

And I read them a lot.

 

It gets me down how much cheating, lying, "falling out of love", boredom, jealousy, anger and the like there is around. How insecure people feel, and so forth.

 

Shock Revelation Within Myself: If it wasn't for my high sex drive and my distaste for one night stands, I probably wouldn't bother.

 

Most people are scum anyway. Yes, this week I DO feel bitter. But YES, I do want to get married. I just fully anticipate being screwed over one day, one day very soon.

[novaseeker]

I disagree I DO believe a successful marriage is two people sticking together.

 

Where both people find fulfilling, even if they separate. I believe that is a Successful Divorce. (not many of those, so you did well) but I don't think that is a successful marriage - cause you are no longer married.

 

For a marriage to be a success you have to hold up the vows you made - that is what marriage is to me. Anything less than that, I can't consider a successful marriage. maybe successful divorce, or successful individuals, but not successful marriage.

 

The "vows" are only one definition of marriage, however. A civil definition of marriage is not "till death do us part" at all. I agree that if one has a Christian (or other religiously inspired) view of marriage, then if it ends before death it has not fulfilled its original intention ... but that's only one definition of marriage, really.

[Dako]

Novaseeker,

You're right on that point. The till death concept isn't on my state's marriage license. No vows appear there either, and I'm an agnostic.

[chemica]

I'm a single chick and been reading problems from this site and i've been thinking is there any point in a relationship?

 

Heh, I would not use this forum as a benchmark for what a healthy relationship is. The relationship advice on this site is often like a blind man trying to describe a sunset to another blind man. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some bright people with good advice on this forum, but definitely the minority. Generally, people in successful relationships don't waste an hour a day on internet forums listening to other's problems.

 

The truth is that this is one question others can't answer for you, or even provide very good insight. The only advice I can give you is to base your decision on whether to pursue relationships on your future goals and not your past experiences. Always learn by the mistakes of the past, but don't let them ruin your life.

[colors]

The "vows" are only one definition of marriage, however. A civil definition of marriage is not "till death do us part" at all. I agree that if one has a Christian (or other religiously inspired) view of marriage, then if it ends before death it has not fulfilled its original intention ... but that's only one definition of marriage, really.

 

the only difference from living common law for 45 years & being married for 45 year are the vows made to eachother to get the liscense.

That's why it's the only definition for marriage for me.

but I do understand what your saying too & it does make sense. but I guess we just believe differently (:

[Momene]

I'm wondering the same thing.

 

Of late, it occurred to me that Im a member of several boards/online communities. I'd say that ... hmm... 3 of these are relationship-centred. Of course, because people don't just post about success stories, there's a lot of discouraging stuff on there.

 

And I read them a lot.

 

It gets me down how much cheating, lying, "falling out of love", boredom, jealousy, anger and the like there is around. How insecure people feel, and so forth.

 

Shock Revelation Within Myself: If it wasn't for my high sex drive and my distaste for one night stands, I probably wouldn't bother.

 

Most people are scum anyway. Yes, this week I DO feel bitter. But YES, I do want to get married. I just fully anticipate being screwed over one day, one day very soon.

 

In my experience, most people aren't scum but a lot of them are selfish and don't really care too much about other people. I've learned that I'm A LOT more sensitive than most people, especially for a bloke. I also tend to worry a lot about the future, whereas most people don't.

 

A lot of people (including my past and even sometimes present self) behave badly in relationships because they're allowed to get away with it and/or they're dishonest. Most people (and I'm no exception) crave attention and flattery and the attention of someone of somehow higher status, whether it be age, looks or social class, will always be tempting.

 

I'm also inclined to think that many of us are too willing to move on from relationships that get boring or uncomfortable because we know we can. We can get sex without even being in a relationship, although (like you) it's not my choice.

 

I think I'm being old fashioned when I say my wife and I owe each other loyalty for the good times we've had.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I agree that our society in general is very Throw-Away, and this reflects in relationships, which is so sad.

[SarahRose]

I wonder about this from time to time.

 

Relationships seem to do more harm to me than good.

 

It is always the same. Things start out great. They are so sweet and attentive. Then when they know they have me hooked, they change into cold aloof wishy washy.

 

Then I spend several months in misery worrying about the relationship and wondering why they aren't same as the beginning.

 

Except for the honeymoon phase, I am much happier alone.

[Dako]

I often wonder if this forum is really a crossection of average people who just open up in print, and relationships aren't what they seem. When my marriage ended, friends were eager to confess that their ostensibly perfect marriages were in peril. As I look around without my old lovegoggles, things look less rosy.

[skyblue1]

Thanks for your responses guys. Only if we could all get along with each other things would have been easier.

[Momene]

I often wonder if this forum is really a crossection of average people who just open up in print, and relationships aren't what they seem. When my marriage ended, friends were eager to confess that their ostensibly perfect marriages were in peril. As I look around without my old lovegoggles, things look less rosy.

 

The only difference between us and "normal" people is we like to talk about it online.