this isnt a poem .. i just think i needed to list this. i reckon i could have gone on

[neva_black_n_white]

i hate what he does to me

i hate the grasp that hes got hold of

i hate the fact he knows im exposed

and all this he gets off on

i hate how he knows i build up courage

and i hate how he knows he can take it away

i hate how he knows im manipulating

but hes still this level above me

i hate how i stay

i hate how he doesnt contact

i hate how he leads my heart along

i hate how he plays me to the last minute

and then pulls me back again

i hate how he doesnt talk about me

i hate how hes not proud

i hate how im just a possession

i hate being a member in the crowd

i hate how im just "that" to him

i hate how im convenient

i hate how i give him everything

i hate how im so lenient

i hate how i care

i hate him for letting me love him

i hate him for loving me

but who loves the way he does? i just cant see

i hate knowing that i deserve better

i hate wanting him to be the one who just changes back to what he was

i hate the fact that i created him

i hate the fact that im not even a loss

i hate how i made him someone who is happy now

i hate how i was his building block

i hate how i wouldnt take it back though

i hate loving so much -

that everything he does is tine

i hate waiting, watching the time

i hate the fact that i cry over him

i hate how i smile

i hate how i have hope

i hate being there for him

i just hate it

i hate being someone he shouldnt have

he doesnt really want it

does he

how could he?

i just

hate being in love with someone who clearly cant be in love with me..

why would he be doing everything he does?

i just hate how he tells me he loves me

i hate how he doesnt tell me hes cheated

i hate how theres no answers

i hate how he is so nice out the outsie

but so so cruel

i hate him

[cacain119]

Then why are you with the guy?

 

"Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around" -Vanilla Sky

 

I just think I'd take control of the situation... It's gonna hurt for awhile, but it's not worth you feeling this way. You DO deserve better...

[neva_black_n_white]

I dont know.

I cant really tell you why im still with him. its just a feeling. i dont know what it is .. just kind of keeps hold of me.

 

hope. love. fear.

 

its hard to explain. i know what i should do. i just dont do it.

[cacain119]

then that's your problem. it's hard to come seek advice (and words that you've already told yourself too, obviously) and not be willing to act on it. At the point it's hard to feel sorry for someone -- but at the same time, I know how emotionally sticky these situations can be, and for all of this, I wish you luck.

[neva_black_n_white]

i wasnt seeking advice. its nice to get responces. but i tend to go by the moto that you do what you want to do. it was more of a "got to get it off my chest" thing.

 

theres no luck to be wished. i know what im going to do. im just writing it down so i remember how stupid i was .. and remember how pathetically a long time it lasted..

 

smiles*

thanks. ive moved on in my head now anyway.

i was going to post a happy one.. but.. i just thought.. why taint it by the first

 

 

 

were having the BIG chat tmrw... bring it on. **actually looks forward to getting back a little control**

[neva_black_n_white]

i dont think people come on here to be felt sorry for either .... i dont.

i doubt people can completely empathise with some posts anyway. somethings are too personal..

 

i can explain to you my relationship, as hard as i try, so you wont know how i feel. (thats not to be bi**tc**hy... just a personaly opinion)

 

i come here to vent. thats all.