The Toxicity...

[HellFrost666]

I have been friends with this guy for about 5 years now. He and his wife, S, have been married for about 3 years. S and I have always gotten along fine. S is also good friends with my girlfriend, J. Infact it was S who introduced us. Just for the record, all first initials are changed.

 

Since J and I started seeing each other not quite a year ago, I have seen a whole other side of S. This woman is supposed to be my girlfriend's best friend, but she can be downright nasty sometimes.

 

We all were out at the bar one night and J saw a guy she used to work with. She waved at him, and he came over to our table and sat with us for about and hour. Afterwards S says to J "If you ever se him in here again, DON"T call him over. I come here to have fun, not have pointless conversations with idiots."

 

This is just the tip of the iceberg...

 

The two of them threw this huge party last Halloween. J was geven the job of sending out mass e-mail invitations. They invited close to 50 people, all of which got one of these e-mails. Well, most of the people they invited already know where S lives anyway, but S freaked out and went off on my girlfriend because the invites had the address on them. SHe went on and on about how they "live private lives"..."How could you publish my address?"..."If any freaks show up, or if anything ends up stolen or broken I am holding you at fault."... This didn't make any sense... Then she calls an hour later bawling about how she is so sorry. Her excuse was that she was drunk and suffering from PMS.

 

They are both members of a Coven. I have mentioned my girlfriend practices Asatru. They had this guy who was interested in joining the Coven, but he wanted to talk to one of them first about it. Well, my gf was nominated to do this. SO after talking to this guy for an hour, he decides he isn't interested. ONce again... S goes off on J. TAlking about how whenever this happenes again they know not to send J to meet the knew guy. Then once again, the heartfelt apology from S.

 

ONe time we were heading over to S and her husband's house on a Friday night. Every time we go over there he runs out of beer, and is too drunk to go get more, and complains all night about it. J had 8 cans of Old Millwakee in her fridge from a party a while back. So she took it with her.

S posted this on her Myspace after we left that night.

 

I know you meant well, but we were pretty insulted by being offered cheap rotgut beer. We work hard to maintain a certain standard of living, and people with our standard of living DO NOT DRINK OLD MILLWAKEE!!! Next time you feel generous bring over some Heineken or Sam Adam's. Thnaks XOXOXO

 

Last night at the bar she really pissed me off. She was basically lecturing J about how unmotivated she is, etc. Saying she is so mad that J lives in this small apartment with her sister and hasn't done better for herself... That is crossing the line. And then late last night came an emotional, sappy apology.

 

My God, I know this is a long, confusing post, but I had to get it all out. J seems to be good at taking it all with a grain of salt, but I hate seeing anyone talk to her that way. Next time S does this I don't think I can hold back from letting her have it. She is acting like an idiot and a bully.I could sit here typing up these examples for quite a while. These are just the ones I think of first.

 

So what should I do? Should I do anything? Do you guys agree that this is wrong?

[InHiding]

Yes, I agree it's wrong! It's hard to see your friends go through verbal abuse, and I too would have trouble keeping my mouth shut. But what does J want? If you go off on S, it may put J in a tight spot. She might feel like she has to choose between you. From the outside looking in, the choice would be obvious that she should side with you who is only trying to stand up for her, but then again, why is she taking all this from S in the first place? Why isn't she standing up for herself? I would talk to your friend J about it and see why she puts up with it, maybe she has reasons you don't know. Maybe she'll tell you that she prefers you don't say anything, who knows. But I would talk to her first.

[nottoogreen]

S has low self esteem and is not satisfied with her life including hubby. She craves attention and vents her frustration preferably in ways downing others. Better sex and counseling would help.

[doyathink]

Oh ha, this S lady only feels better about herself when she is insulting another person! She has an ego problem and by throwing harsh remarks at your gf, she finds self gradifacation and enjoys causing hate and discontentment!

 

I don't know that I would get in the middle of them two unless your gf wants you too (have you asked her), she may want to handle it in her own way?? But you could certainly get in the middle of this gal if she unloaded on you!

[confused25]

I'm REALLY curious with what your girlfriend J has to say about this. Please do not tell me that she puts up with S's crap!! If I were J, I'd kick S to the curb . . . she's inconsiderate, rude, and ungrateful! Only your gf has the right to decide what she wants to do. Make sure you don't talk trash about S in front of her unless she brings it up herself.