What should I do?

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

I've been on this site for only 3 days and it's helped alot. I'm doing better today though. I've had my ups and downs and right now i'm down. I started wondering what he's doing now and wondering if he's with someone else right now. I hope not though. I also starting wondering if our relationship would be different if I made different choices, like the first time he broke up with me, he did it because I guess I mislead him to thinking I was cheating on him. I was just with a male friend because I was helping him with something, and I didn't call him because I know he wouldn't like the fact I'm with another guy. So he ended up calling me wondering where I was and I was honest with him. But because I didn't call, I think it made it suspicious. I wonder if I chose him over my friend, if it would have done anything. And he thought of even spending time with him is making me cry. It reminds me of the times where we would cuddle and watch movies and just being in his arms. And it's probably hurting me more being reminded of that time when he did break up with me.

 

I'm still hoping we can work something out, though my friends suggest to stay away from him all together. Even some of my guy friends were being brutally honest with me, telling me what he meant by some of the things he said and what he was really doing, that if he somewhat protected my feelings he wouldn't feel as guilty. And that a guy would go so low just to get laid. That someone else was probably crying and hurting over him like I am while he was trying to get to know me.

 

And I wonder if he really did love me. I didn't pressure him or asked him if he loved me. I was the first one to say it but he said he wasn't there yet, so I never said it again. Then one day out of the blue, he told me he loves me. So I believed that he loved me. But I wonder if he still does. And if he still cares about me. And if he's hurting too. I really hope he is. I want him to realize he made a mistake.

 

I even subconsciously was going to set things up so I can see him again. Like, I got a new computer and he had mentioned before he'd take my old one if I didn't have anything to do with it. When he broke up with me yesterday, I asked if he still wanted it and he said sure. But my sister said she's taking it and she's not going to give it to him. I figured if I give it to him, it's a chance I can see him again. Or strategically plan something where I'd "run into" him.

 

It seems like it's been forever, when it's only been 2 days. I want to give him time and hope he realizes he misses me, so either he'll contact me, or I can contact him to see what's going on. But time's passing by too slow for me.

 

I feel like sending an email to him saying how I feel. Maybe get him to remember those feelings in the beginning.

 

What should I do?

[Phoenix69]

DON'T send him an email. NC is the best way to go. With NC he will either realise what he is missing and come back to you (my relationship is proof of this) or he won't and the NC will give you time to heal and "find" yourself again. I know (better than most) that it is going against every bone in your body, which is telling you to hold on and if you only told him how you are feeling he might recognise the same feelings? I hate to be harsh, but it won't work. He won't feel those things unless he TRULY feels them, and with NC you are giving him the oppurtunity to discover these feelings on his own terms. Let him come to you. The old saying "If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, its yours to keep, if it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with." is especially true when it comes to break ups.

 

Good Luck, I know it hurts, but it does get better. Whether he comes back to you or not.

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

i have this feeling he's not going to contact me ever again. but i still have this little bit of hope. i really like to believe sex was not the motivation behind all this. that he really did feel for me and love me and care for me. and all he needs is time and space. and that he didn't just get sick of me or he already used me for whatever it is he needed and doesn't need me anymore.

 

but it's hard. i haven't quite been tempted to contact him, but just the thought of him makes me cry.