I'm lost

[dogheadma]

Hello,

My girlfriend and I have been together exculsively for 7 mos. She moved in with me this month. The problem I'm having, despite being completely honest and open about it and discussing it with her several times, is that she has mood swings and also does not communicate with me. The mood swing thing is upsetting me because at times she is euphorically happy with me, verbally expressing her deep love and appreciation along with long hugs. At the time she seems really sincere and I believe she is. This is every weekend. I love it when she's like this and it makes me really happy. Then comes every Mon. & Tues.. The person who adored me so much yesterday now has little or no desire to acknowledge my presense or respond to my conversation. When we cook every night, she gets extremely tense for reasons that have nothing to do with me and becomes very irratible & easily agitated. Last night she asked me what my friends said when I asked them over for dinner. I got about four words into my answer when she abruptly cut me off and snapped, "I don't care about this weekend, I just want to know what the plans are." When we went to bed, I wanted to make love and she seemed to want to also, but it definitely felt like she wanted to just to make me happy and not because she was actually in the mood. Just a couple months ago I couldn't dampen her desire for me if I tried. Now it seems different. I know that's the normal progression most of the time, but this seems way too sudden and abrupt. She does not tell me what she thinks or feels about things and then gets really upset when I didn't realize what she wanted. Anyway, this morning she woke up early, and fixed me a nice breakfast and was very happy and sweet. I know this is because Mon. & Tues. are over and she is looking forward to the weekend. She is extremely happy and fun and loving Wed. thru Sun. I have explained all of this to her in detail several times and she always listens and seems to understand. We have had several discussions and fights about it. I know we love each other but I also know her instability will ultimately push me away. I have explained to her that I feel as though my emotions are being pulled back and forth and given the reasons why on several occasions. I have suggested we go to counseling. She said she dosen't want to. I guess I just wait until we can find our balance or I get to the point where I have to leave the situation. I'm hoping for the former and trying my best for a positive, loving, caring, considerate, functional relationship. Just needed to vent. Wish me luck and any input is appreciated. Thank you.

[DN]

Does she do recreational drugs or drink a lot over the weekend?

 

Does she hate her job/school or whatever?

[dogheadma]

Yes, we both drink recreationally on the weekends. I normally don't drink during the week, although since I met her I tend to join her more often. She also has a boss who is apparently emotionally unstable and tends to take it out on her quite often.

[chigal28]

If she hates her job, she probably lives for the weekend and just wants M-F to go away. It would explain a lot of her behavior, actually. But that said, if you feel like this will cause continuing tension between you, it's important that she understand that while you love her very much, this IS an issue, it does affect you, and things need to change. If you feel like counseling would help, try to bring it up non-confrontationally, as an issue that the two of you share, and try to get her to see that counseling could bring you closer together, maybe even help her feel happier during the beginning of the week.

 

You sound very supportive and understanding.

[dogheadma]

And also thanks to clueless guy for the info. She and I are aware that she has problems, I'm just wondering if or how I'm going to deal with it.

[dogheadma]

Thank you, chigal. I did take that approach once and she said she wasn't interested. Maybe I will try again and see what happens.

[heloladies21]

Well I can't be sure by your description, but I have a feeling that she thinks you have no boundries. Like if a girl asked me a question and cut me off so quick into my answer, i'd interrupt her right back, let her know i didn't appreciate what she did, and continue with what I was saying. If she did it again, i'd say something to the effect of "If you're gonna keep interrupting me every time I speak we're not having this conversation. When you're ready to have a normal conversation, you let me know." Then walk away. Then let her come back to you if that's what she decides. She'll start to understand that she can't talk to you in that way anymore, but there is a risk that she might not come back. But honestly you don't want her if she's gonna continue to act out like this.

[dogheadma]

Yeah, I've tried that approach as well and it just seems to lead to a fight.](*,) A fight that I'm not willing to have anymore. I've made myself very clear on this point and I know that she knows my position on the matter. I told her that I'm ready to be happy and if she's not then I will be very sad but I will end up leaving. I have made no bones about it. I care about her very much and am not ready to give up yet, but my options seem to be getting fewer and fewer.

[dogheadma]

She just flipped out on me again. Apparently she truly does believe that I have the ability to read minds. That is an ability I will never posess so I guess that means we are just not compatible. I guess I have to tell her. I know she will probably want to make me feel guilty. But I won't. I will try to let her down as easily and gently as possible. She has had no problem letting me down repeatedly. She is oblivious to it. Even though I completely spelled out for her in crystal clear terms exactly how I feel. I guess she just can't help it but that's not fair to me. I guess there's nothing left I can do. I have to be strong. I love her but I can't do this. I don't know what's going to happen. I want it to work out, but if we can't see eye to eye then I think it's better to let each other go so we can be happy on our own. I don't know what else to do.

[phantomwolff85]

Some people, myself inlcluded, have to learn the hard way. She is taking your patience for granted. It would be best for you to tell her that you want to go on break and see what happens. I would not recomend a break up unless you really can't take it anymore. I know that I realize what I'm missing when I don't have it anymore.