xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I just told my ex that I dumped my fiance to see how he would react. After all the advice I've been given on my past threads about my issues thinking about my ex, I finally came to a conclusion. I only think about him because I wonder if he still has ANY feelings for me...as a friend or as more. So I told him that I had broke up with my fiance and that I would really appreciate someone to talk to and go out with (as friends) for the day. Is a bad thing that I'm using a lie to find out my ex's feelings toward me? Link to comment
busterkeaton Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Guys hate girls who play games like that. The bad karma issues could be overwhealming! Link to comment
eyeswideopen Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Agreed, if you have feelings for this guy, just come out and say it to see where he stands. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 I know that but see, the whole story is that my ex is my fiance's best friend. My fiance also wants to know if he still has feelings for me so that he can talk to him and try to get things straightened out. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 No, I don't have those sort of feelings for him. My only feelings for my ex are friend wise but lately my fiance and I have been having issues with my ex coming back into our life. He started talking to me again yesterday and I found out he was single again, he's been hinting that he wants me to dump my fiance. So I told him that I did to find out why he's came back, why he's giving those hints and such things as that. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 I also understand that if he finds out I was told him a lie he would hate me but honestly at this point, that's fine I just want him out of my life again. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Oops, typo. If he finds out that I told him a lie....Sorry, I'm so stressed out that my typing skills are failing to work today. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I really don't think it was a good idea that you tell him you and your fiance broke up. Does your fiance know you did that? It's kind of like putting a chocolate cake in front of someone with a chocolate cake addiction! If he is into you, of course he might be interested in pursuing something now that you are single. And if he finds out you lied, he can just say he knew you did and was testing YOU instead. If he is interfering in your relationship, then tell him his friendship is no longer something you can handle, but otherwise, just drop it. Why doesn't your fiance talk to him if they are best friends? If you want him out of your life, what is the point in worrying about his feelings, it won't change the fact that he is interfering and that you want him gone, right? Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 He does talk to him but that was before he moved back here. They talked on the phone and that's how my fiance wanted it to stay. Yes my fiance knows about this as well. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Nah, my ex isn't that smart either. He's one of those guys who are in their earlier twenties and still don't know the different between expect and aspect. Link to comment
InHiding Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I think that is VERY wrong. Why are you messing with this guy? Does he really deserve it? If he says decides to go out on a limb because you mean something to him and tell you "Yes, I want to be with you", what will that honestly accomplish? And your fiancee is his best friend? Man, I feel bad for the guy. I know this isn't really what you wanted to hear, but I'm being honest. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Is a bad thing that I'm using a lie to find out my ex's feelings toward me? Short answer: yeah. It's really bad. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 No, It's more of a WE need to know his feelings. Like my earlier post, he has been hinting things and it's making my fiance and I very uncomfortable. We want to know if he still has feelings so that we can talk to him and HOPEFULLY get him away from us. Now that he's moved back he's tried his BEST to get me to go to his house and get drunk KNOWING that when I'm drunk I'm extremely slutty. When my fiance found out he asked me to come over he flipped out completely. Our goal is for him to find out it's a lie eventually so he'll back off. Sorry I didn't clear the whole story up in my previous post so I'm trying to now. Link to comment
majord23 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 This situation is so wrong on so many levels. Did you consider just asking him if he has feelings for you? OR just cutting him out of your life all together? You are playing games with his feelings. He may very well be healing and moving on, and your 'little lie' will have him regressing and actually make the whole scenario worse. It might have been a good idea to post a thread and get input *before* you took this action. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Just tell him, look, we do not want your friendship anymore. That's it. As for the behaviour when you drink, that is an issue you and your fiance need to work on together, not by bringing someone else into it. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Ok I should not have asked for any opinions on this to begin with because everyone assumes that he's the victim without even knowing him or everything HE'S done. Maybe I should have mentioned the fact that HE dumped me and HE cheated on me and HE went after all my closest friends after the break up and that HE drugged me and killed our child. See that's the problem with society, they assume that he one who is being tricked a bit is the major victim. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 *The one... (Typo) Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Maybe I should have mentioned the fact that HE dumped me and HE cheated on me and HE went after all my closest friends after the break up and that HE drugged me and killed our child. Then my question is...why in the world do you want to know if he still has feelings for you? Why in the world are you even in contact with this guy? If you really think you're doing this to get him to leave you alone, you are seriously in denial. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 He deserves to have his feelings messed with considering the fact that he messed with not only my feelings but everyone elses who cares about me as well. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 No, that's where no one understands. We want to hurt him. We want to know his feelings toward me so we can crush them. I may be a bit immature to do this but considering the fact that I've dealt with this guy coming in and out of my life randomly for the past six years. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 He deserves to have his feelings messed with considering the fact that he messed with not only my feelings but everyone elses who cares about me as well. You're only going to end up having your own emotions upset again by having anything else to do with him, and your fiance is getting dragged into this, too. I am having a difficult time understanding why you would invite such drama into your life, but then, I don't know you or your circumstances. Perhaps this is par for the course for you. If so, I would really urge you to just step away from this. It all sounds like a horrible recipe for disaster for many people involved. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Heh, ok maybe it was wrong but it was a heat of the moment thing. Of all people to do something like that I'm a Psychology major. Ah well, everyone does something insane at one point in their life. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 No, that's where no one understands. We want to hurt him. We want to know his feelings toward me so we can crush them. I may be a bit immature to do this but considering the fact that I've dealt with this guy coming in and out of my life randomly for the past six years. I almost guarantee this is something you are forcing your fiance to do, and he doesn't really want to do it. It's not only immature, it's just an incredibly sad waste of time that you two could be using more positively to enjoy your own relationship. Your ex still has a hold on you, clearly. You are the one who is losing here by having anything else to do with him, by obsessing over this, and by getting your fiance involved. It's not just immature, it's selfish. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Heh, ok maybe it was wrong but it was a heat of the moment thing. Of all people to do something like that I'm a Psychology major. Ah well, everyone does something insane at one point in their life. Ah, a pyschology major! That explains it. Just kidding, but yeah...this is not a rational idea. Link to comment
xfault_linex Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 I study emotions then mess with them...heh. Maybe next time he decides to come creeping over to my house I'll just tell him how this is hurting me for him to come back just randomly. Actually, I guess the reason I'm going a bit insane now is that I have a wedding in two weeks. Link to comment
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