Flaking out?

[Dating Coach]

well.... since we are debating

 

In "The Rules", it says that a woman should let a guy keep calling her until he gets a hold of her. According to "The Rules", if a guy likes you enough (and has a high interest level!), he'll call again until he gets you!

 

If she is old-fashioned, or has "The Rules" book, she may possibly be following this advice.

 

or, for whatever reason, she may have not gotten her messages. could be a phone glitch.

 

just as easily you can say she does not have a high interest level for not calling him, I can easily say he does not have a high interest level because he didn't try calling her 2x!

 

That is possible however very unlikely I think. I believe that if she was really interested in him, she wouldn't have let it go like this. He called once, left a message, and then emailed her once after that. No response, nothing... both times. It's been 6 weeks. She knows he was trying to reach her. She's ignoring him hoping he gets the hint.

If by some odd chance she was playing games, then too bad for her for getting burnt. I never advise guys to play games and neither should women. I find that being open and honest as long as you are fun, flirty, and confident then you will find all the success you will ever need in the dating world. Game free.

[PocoDiablo]

Heh, you are all too much. I was asked to come check this thread out, so by request...

 

Quite simply? There is not enough information to go on and give any real advice. I would ask the OP to provide more details about the before-date conversations and the actual date itself.

 

I can tell you one thing he did that *I* think was wrong - he invited her on a date and then split the bill. INSTANT bad move *if* he asked her on a date. Was this a "date" and you made it clear? Or did you say "Let's hang out." She may have thought you wanted to date, and then when you did not pay her way she said "Cheap. Next!"

 

As far as calling her and getting no response, this is VERY simple. You did something wrong and lowered her interest level in you.

 

"The rules" aside, if you were her Mr. Wonderful, there is no chance she would not call you. If she had a good impression of you, she'd have called YOU, replied to your email, or picked up the phone. Come on, folks, she has Caller ID and know who is calling, so she is now actively ignoring him.

 

This is an excuse on her part and excuses are plain and simple "hints" that women use to get you to leave her alone.

 

So, the bottom line is that you either (a) did something wrong (b) were cheap © were boring, predictable (d) not a sucker and she was a gold-digger looking for free meals or (e) just plain not her type.

 

If it were a, b, or c then you need to go back over the evening and think about her body language. Was she looking at you? Were you looking at her? Was she leaning in, arms at her sides, laughing, smiling? What were you talking about? Light, funny, teasing, flirting, or were you having a therpay session and talking about sex, your ex's, drugs, guns, crime, cars, computers, politics, religion or something else depressing, boring, or distasteful? Were you looking at other women, her body, flirting with the waitress ... all bad moves.

 

So if you care to give details, we can probably give you insight.

 

And maybe Diggity and Hello will be able to give some more insight.

[heloladies21]

I can tell you one thing he did that *I* think was wrong - he invited her on a date and then split the bill. INSTANT bad move *if* he asked her on a date. Was this a "date" and you made it clear? Or did you say "Let's hang out." She may have thought you wanted to date, and then when you did not pay her way she said "Cheap. Next!"

 

Do not start paying for girls in the hopes that you will have better success with them. This can actually set you up to get taken advantage of by gold diggers especially if you've just started learning this stuff. There's a better way to handle this.

 

I hardly pay for girls. It sets a bad precedent that every time we spend time together I'm expected to pay. I'm not comfortable with that. Usually I combat her thinking I'm cheap by telling her a story about how my last couple of gf's didn't depend on me for anything and were very independent and that I liked that a lot about them (which is true actually). I'll say this when we exchange what we look for in a guy/girl. If it comes up directly I get disappointed and flat out tell her that this is 2006 and you're an independent woman and you don't need to depend on some guy to pay your way.

 

This is what I'm trying to get accross with this thread, that it's all about how you communicate with a girl and you shouldn't shy away from learning how to combat the REAL problem.

[PocoDiablo]

Yes, agreed. NEVER pay for girls, buy them drinks, bring flowers on a first date, etc. It makes you seem needy and desperate. And it sets you up to be used and dumped. You want to make a woman attracted to your *personality*, not your wallet.

 

Had he done a *proper* first date of a drink or pastry then it's a no-brainer. First dates should always cost less than $10 to $20. That means no dinners, no movies, no concerts, no clubs, etc. A PB&J picnic in the park or stroll on the beach is great, for example. Any place where the two of you can sit and talk.

 

However, as a gentleman with traditional manners, the person who makes the date pays for the date. It has nothing to do with paying their way, just being polite. If you invite a woman on a date and don't pay for her, it's a BIG insult.

 

Alternately, it can send the message of "I don't like you", "I'm cheap", "I'm gay", "You're too ugly", or - worst - "I just want to be friends." Imagine if she wanted a lover and thought you were Mr. Wonderful, only for her to think you were gay or not interested.

 

Don't blow it!

 

I can't say I agree with the whole "It's 2006, pay your own way." concept. If you properly screen out gold-diggers from the start, and judge a woman's interest level properly, that should not be an issue. I just think that's a little overly rigid, in my opinion. The happy medium seems to work well.

[kellbell]

Okay, you all bring up good points.

 

From a female's perspective, to put it simply, if a girl is interested in going out, she would have called back. End of story. Seriously, even if she was busy, she would make the time to say "hey" and perhaps offer another time to hang out in the near future. Any girl whom does the dissappearing act (very unclassy BTW) is simply not interested. If and when she does call back, her reasons and excuses by that time will be futile. Just tell her something like, "the lack of getting back to me was a clear sign you were not interested. I have moved on." She will respect for that, having a backbone.

 

I am so sorry EasyGuy, that this happened to you. You are 19 years old, you are going to come accross this from time to time in your dating years. It stinks, some people (even girls) do not have the courtesey to put the shoe on the other foot and be considerate.

 

There are plenty of girls out there that would love to be in your company. Take care.

[Budman]

DD, I agree with most of your points on this topic. Have some things to add.

 

Ok, guys you have to remember this, if a woman would get mad at something you would do. (for example not calling in a week or two or three), then why on earth would you not get mad for something they do?

 

Put the power in your hands as well, YOU HAVE AN OPINION.

 

Ironically one of the most attractive things to a woman is being told no, I'm not interested. Go freakin figure.

 

You know what helps me get over stuff like this. Think about sitting your grandchildren down and saying, Grandma wouldn't respond to my phone calls for weeks, but finally she decided to call me back she was seeing your bill the neighbor... and when that didn't work out she called me back.

 

Doesn't sound so cool anymore does it?