Does silence mean that you're not compatible?

[canuckhead]

when ur with ur boy/girlfriend...do u always have something to talk about? like say, u guys talk everyday, and then hang out one day...and then during like a car ride somewhere, theres silence...is that normal (especially if u've been goin out for a while)? How about at dinner or something? i mean, does a healthy relationship mean ALWAYS having something to say to each other like 24/7?

[nicorette]

i mean, does a healthy relationship mean ALWAYS having something to say to each other like 24/7?

 

of course not. i think when the silences are awkward and uncomfortable, then perhaps its a sign. but if its natural and it isnt odd then theres nothing wrong with that! of course theres going to be silence sometimes..you have silent moments with your relationships wtih friends and families as well right?

[melrich]

No you can't talk non stop to someone. Having said that, silence is OK in the car, watching a movie, lazing around the house etc. Not so good if you are out at dinner.

 

If the feeling you've got is that you just don't have anything to talk to each other about then it could be a problem.

[Dako]

Nonverbal communication is important. If you can get a charge out of just being together when you're reading, walking or sleeping in silence, you've really got something. I'd swear some couples are so bothered by silence they pick fights just to fill the lulls.

 

Melrich is right. If you sit and stare at each other over dinner, you might have a problem.

[TheRedQueen]

Sometimes it is very important to find someone you can be alone with, sharing both space and intermittent moments of silence.

[canuckhead]

No you can't talk non stop to someone. Having said that, silence is OK in the car, watching a movie, lazing around the house etc. Not so good if you are out at dinner.

 

If the feeling you've got is that you just don't have anything to talk to each other about then it could be a problem.

 

 

that's kinda what i don't get. whats the difference between when ur in the car to when ur out at dinner? so....should i just save up the conversation we're gonna have in the car and then just talk about it during dinner instead? however, i do get what ur trying to say...it's more akward when theres silence while out at dinner than when in a car....but i'm just wondering why there's a difference?

[Dako]

In a car, you can watch the world glide by for stimulation.

At table, you're both looking at each other and hopefully attentive.

[melrich]

Well I guess at the end of the day there is no real difference and it just comes down to how comfortable you are with the silences.

 

If you are both sitting there desperately trying to think of something to say it is awkward.

 

If you are relaxed and just enjoy each others presense it is OK.

 

I've been out to dinner with my partner before and said not much more than "Pass the salt." Wasn't one of our best nights out..............

[canuckhead]

i'm asking this cuz with me....it just feels like a big circle sometimes. i mean, i'm out with a girl, i pick her up, have a great convo in the car, then at dinner we talk...then suddenly theres a silence. and then in my mind (because the silence just seems so akward during a dinner), i start getting nervous and pressured, which actually makes it worse. and then that 30sec of silence turns into 2mins becuz i'm still nervous pressuring myself to think of something to say. but then when we're in the car, the silences aren't akward, and thereforeeee no pressure, and then something will usually come up where we'll talk again. i just feel like sometimes this ruins my dates.....and maybe the reason why theres no second dates for soem.

[melrich]

So your first date is dinner? That's a tough gig.

[TheRedQueen]

Here's a haiku I wrote concerning this topic:

 

Alone together

They're afraid of the silence

Empty space to fill

[Dako]

Very succinct.

Arigato.

[cacain119]

I like to listen to my boyfriends heart beat, I also like to lay down together closing our eyes (not napping though). Silence is a beautiful thing -- sometimes you don't want to ruin it with words.

 

Sometimes partners need space too, or time to think, or might have had a rough day, so even if you don't *want* to think, you're still thinking about how bad it was. In short, no, you shouldn't have to have a conversation ALL the time.

[CarnelianButterfly]

If its a fairly new relationship then before the date try to think up a bunch of topics you can discuss that may draw out a conversation and interest you date. When you hit one of those lulls, interject on of your predetermined topics and see how it plays the filed. You can be very smooth if you're prepared for overcoming faults. Lean back sip your beverage and toss out a thought, just keep the guise that you're cool whit what happens. So stream of concisions convo can go for hours, but it is for the much more advanced lunatic

[nottoogreen]

Talking 24/7 - of course not. We are not babbling machines and have to think sometimes.

 

Also at times, silence is gold.

 

I guess what you may want to know is about awkward silence which we sometimes experience - after an argument for example. Breaking this silence seems difficult at times. In this case sometimes hold my gf, or go to the bathroom or change the subject. Responses vary

 

Be yourself and do not worry too much.

[vfunkera]

Hey there canukhead.

 

You sound like you pretty tensed up when your with girls. Infact the whole date sounds pretty tense. I mean, you pick her up in your car, drive to a resteraunt, have dinner and drop her home- in between that its almost like your feeling the pressure to speak and keep a conversation going. I wouldn't be surprised if you paid all the bill as well.

 

What im saying is it sounds all very traditional, all very planned out and old. Tense. I mean, your contemplating whether to save what you have to say for dinner rather then in the car. I think you might need to be a bit more natural. Loosen up! Be more fun, do something more active man. Don't force anything. Theres no pressure in dates, canukhead. Theres only pressure if you create it.

 

The purpose of a date is to try the girl out, see if she will make a good girlfriend for you. How do you do this? Take her on a date to things you do for a hobby or enjoy doing. Lets go bowling! Pool! If she don't like it, then shes not for you, simple as. If she agrees, which she usually does, then your half way there.

 

As for the conversations, you should feel no pressure to talk. She should be doing the talking, and make sure she is. The focus of the conversation is and must always be on her! How? LISTEN to her, and talk about her. Get inside her head, hear what she is saying, feel what she is feeling, and get as deep as she will allow it. Why? Firstly, she will not stop talking about herself, because she is the most important thing to her in the world! Everyone loves to talk about themselves, no one more so then women. All you need to do canukhead, is flame the fans and let her motor her mouth. Secondly, you can get a feel for what shes, what sort of person she is, what she likes and dislikes, and more importantly, whether she will get along with you and make a good girlfriend in your life.

 

Silence are natural normal things. But the key is to make her as comfertable around you as possible. That way you will be more comfertable. That way silences won't feel awkward and pressurised. Silences are inevitable. But they will feel bad, awkward and destructive if everything is scripted and traditional, because like that, the whole date is on the edge, under pressure, and when the silences come, its almost as if the date will collapse under it.

 

Good luck