brickchamp Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 This forum has really helped me get through the last couple of days. Thanks. I still feel awful, but I'm at least functioning somewhat, which is more than I had been doing. I still have made no contact with him, so I'm happy with myself on that front, BUT I have to admit I still hold out hope in my heart. So, I pose this question: Are there ANY success stories here? Has anyone been dumped, and had their ex come back to give it another go? I know, I shouldn't even be thinking of this, but I'm just curious. Does "it's over" ALWAYS mean it really is over? Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 What exactly is a success story as you define it? Do people get back together? Yes, it has happened to me several times. Does that make it a success story? Now ask how many of those relationships lasted and are going really well... That's a different story altogether... Nothing is impossible. You're asking if it happens? Yes, it does. Now ask about the chances. I would say possible but not probable. I read the previous post you made. I think in your case, you should focus on moving forward and not backward in asking questions like this fishing for hope... Link to comment
brickchamp Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 I knew you'd be onto me! ARGH! You're quick! Well, it's late, and when it's this hour, those crazy thoughts pop into my head. I hate that. I guess I should just go to bed, and hope tomorrow is a better day, and that the day after THAT will be better, etc. And about the "success stories," I know the odds aren't good on those, even among those who get back together. Sigh.... I'll try to resist the urge to post anymore along these lines! Back to focusing on ME and not HIM! Or at least trying to. Thanks yet again! Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 And about the "success stories," I know the odds aren't good on those, even among those who get back together. Everyone thinks their situation is the exception! And hey, I've certainly been guilty of this one for sure... I believe true reconcilations happen and last when there are specific reasons that can be worked out which caused the relationship to end. In the time apart, both people figured out what those reasons are (or see them in a different light or make them better), believe they can be overcome, and then mutually agree to work on those issues. Plus, both people have to really feel something strong for the other... People get back together, that part is not so uncommon, at least in my experience, but usually what happens is one person "runs back" to the other and the person being run back to now assumes a position of power and control over the other and this usually is what causes future problems, this new dynamic. A lot of people end up getting back together because they are bored, lonely, want the pain of detachment to go away, etc. All the wrong reasons. Plus a lot of times, people know this and do it anyway...or mistake the pain of detachment as "love"... Also, after a short honeymoon phase, things usually go back to the way they were, which if the relationship ended once under those conditions, it will end again, right? Anyway, stick to the righteous path here and don't do anything silly like contacting your ex or anything... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I'll try to resist the urge to post anymore along these lines! No way! Keep posting here! It will help you. When you feel like contacting your ex and just can't shake that feeling no matter what you do, you drop us a line instead... Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Hi Brickchamp. My wife and I split for 3 months after being married for nine years. I have now been home for nearly 7 months and the relationship is better than ever. For the record she asked me to leave because she felt she didn't love me any more. She was the one who asked me back as well. Success so far, but who knows what is round the corner. Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I dumped a guy four years ago because I didn't have feelings for him, I didn't regret it at all until about a year which lasted another two years. One of my good friends broke up with his partner of several years, only to regret it three months later, now his partner is happily married! And another of my mates dumped a guy because he wanted to "sow his seed" and then regretted it TWO years later! And still wants his ex to this day... Two recurring themes I see... 1. People seem to "fall out of feelings" when they aren't ready to go to "stage two" of a relationship with *anyone*. 2. Its relatively common for people to harbour some degree of regret or "what if" about an ex who was good to them... but by the time they do, their exes seem to want nothing to do with them. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 This forum has really helped me get through the last couple of days. Thanks. I still feel awful, but I'm at least functioning somewhat, which is more than I had been doing. I still have made no contact with him, so I'm happy with myself on that front, BUT I have to admit I still hold out hope in my heart. So, I pose this question: Are there ANY success stories here? Has anyone been dumped, and had their ex come back to give it another go? I know, I shouldn't even be thinking of this, but I'm just curious. Does "it's over" ALWAYS mean it really is over? Everyone feels the way you feel. Should I say most people, yea I guess, but I think everyone wants that person that left back. No matter how cruel they were, and sometimes you realize that it would never be the same and can't ever be the same and find peace in that. I think it's really sad when someone dumps a person to go back to their ex. Most likely the realationship they went back to will never succeed, and then they threw another one away and broke someones heart. I think everyone wishes they could get back together and make it work but no, that's just not how it is. I don't it works, and if the people are young, immaturity can ensure it will never work out the second time. Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Everyone feels the way you feel. Should I say most people, yea I guess, but I think everyone wants that person that left back. No matter how cruel they were, and sometimes you realize that it would never be the same and can't ever be the same and find peace in that. I think it's really sad when someone dumps a person to go back to their ex. Most likely the realationship they went back to will never succeed, and then they threw another one away and broke someones heart. I think everyone wishes they could get back together and make it work but no, that's just not how it is. I don't it works, and if the people are young, immaturity can ensure it will never work out the second time. I also think its surprising how often the DUMPER wishes they could go back to the way it was... many dumpers actually wish they still had those feelings. Lets be honest, most of the world doesn't like hurting the people they care about. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I also think its surprising how often the DUMPER wishes they could go back to the way it was... many dumpers actually wish they still had those feelings. Lets be honest, most of the world doesn't like hurting the people they care about. Hey man, I'm curious, do you think there are differences in this subject here between guy/girl relationships and guy/guy or girl/girl relationships? Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I also think its surprising how often the DUMPER wishes they could go back to the way it was... many dumpers actually wish they still had those feelings. Lets be honest, most of the world doesn't like hurting the people they care about. exactly. I have found comfort in knowing that as much as I still have feeling for being throw away like garbage. I know that no person is so uncaring that the can dump a person and not still care about them. I think everyone that gets dumped should find comfort in knowing that their ex will not forget them, and they were a part of their life that and that they will most likely remember them for the good times. It's a shame that sometimes people lose that feeling in relationships. I am so scared that I will do that to someone or it will happen. How do you just stop caring about someone? To answer the post after about does it matter about the sex match up, I don't think it does. We all love who we love and nothing else matters. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 How do you just stop caring about someone? I don't think she stopped caring about you bro. She either cares about you in a different way, or she isn't showing you because she doesn't want to or doesn't want to deal with her feelings so she supresses them. Anyway, the point here is believe it or not, in time, you won't feel like you do now. You seem to be confusing caring about someone with being wrapped up in the idea of being in a relationship with someone. In time, you won't be obsessively thinking about her or what happened. That doesn't mean you don't care. Maybe she already reached that place. You'll be there soon enough... Indifference is a beautiful thing and it will find you in time... You will probably always have a little place in your heart for her but it will be like putting away an old photo album...the pictures and memories are still there...but they are put away... Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Yea man, I'm disappointed in myself. I have been doing so good really, I feel in control. She contacts me and goes away and I get back to myself in about 2 days(not that long). Recently now that summer hit it's a text every other day, now I am knocked of my path, and I don't feel like I can say "go away, your not my friend". Then there is this "Lova ya" stuff. You know how it is, but yea I don't want to come off as confused. I am definatly thrown off this past week. I just don't want to go back to the fantasy of being in love with the thought of being in love. I was starting to love the fact of being single and a better stonger person. Definatly you are right though, you have your mind more wrapped around what I need to be focusing on. I guess it's all coming from my heart and is getting in the way, and it's a hard voice to ignore. I'm glad there are people on here to remind me I need to think about it logically, that will get me back on track. I get impacient with myself though, thus my posts throwing out emotional questions. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Hey man, I hear you bro, believe me, I understand... Look, these jabs to your heart she's giving you in the way of these text messages aren't helping things. I'd think about changing my number. Either that, or you may need to tell her to stop doing it. But in time, if you ignore her long enough, she'll stop... Now is a time to do whatever the hell you want. Don't be hard on yourself here, don't get down about what you "should" be doing to heal. Do whatever you need to do to get on the right path towards healing. The heart can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but you have to live with it either way. If you ignore it, it will stop bugging you too...or if you wrestle with it and beat yourself up long enough, you'll stop bugging yourself. Either path you choose, you'll heal and everything will be OK...it always turns out that way... Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Your right, but does this not sound cruel: She says, "I used to like you" (double rejection like I didn't show her I got it the first time) Then she says same conversation, "Love you" I say, "Ya I know" She says, "WHat? Your not going to return the love, I'l remember that"( LIke I owe her something) I feel like she is purposly jerking me around. You couldn't be more right about I should ignore, I'm glad you suggested it. I needed to hear that. This is my "first cut" and I hear it's the deepest. Link to comment
need2bme Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 most difficult thing I have done. My GF and I, broke up and got back together a couple of times and here we are, finished for good. So, my mind should know it is true. Right? I have not had enough time to really change (although I am starting). Right? She is getting up early and working out, which she never did whan we were together. That should tell me something. Right? The fact that she now has the ability to write "take care" on a note she sent with my mail. That should tell me something. Right? Wrong. Sure I know. My heart still wants her though and thinks I can show her how much I care. If she doesn't want to hear or try herself, what can I do? I know this, but I would try in a flash, if it was possible. Link to comment
Russo Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Heard that, she cut all contact off, and she's been out and about. I even heard rumours that there's another guy. Within TWO WEEKS!!! I can't understand that if someone cares for you they pull a 180 and pick up someone else. It's total cowdung. Week before we split we discussed going on vacation together, even kids. (HER IDEA!) Couple of days later it's: "I don't love you anymore, it's not you but it's me" Now we're two weeks later and she's getting involved with someone else? pffffft.... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I can't understand that if someone cares for you they pull a 180 and pick up someone else. It's total cowdung. Week before we split we discussed going on vacation together, even kids. (HER IDEA!) Couple of days later it's: "I don't love you anymore, it's not you but it's me" Now we're two weeks later and she's getting involved with someone else? This one I've heard before. What happened I think was she told you all these things, right? She has been thinking about saying them for a long time, but now she actually said the words, and actually thought about what just happened. Then she said to herself, "What did I just say?" and then either "I don't want that with anyone right now", "I can't get that serious right now", or "I don't want that with him". Then comes the "it's not you it's me" because she thinks she's crazy because what she thought she wanted isn't what she really wanted, so she thinks she's nuts and hence the line. Then the getting with someone else is for two reasons: she wants someone to fill the sudden void left to make it easier to move on (rebound) and she wants to make sure she is not crazy and prove to herself that things just weren't meant to be with the two of you. She probably convinced herself of some specific little things she didn't like about you and now that this new guy is different and doesn't do those things, she thinks you guys were wrong. That's my take...I've had female friends pull this crap and they tell me something to the effect of this here... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Your right, but does this not sound cruel: She says, "I used to like you" (double rejection like I didn't show her I got it the first time) Then she says same conversation, "Love you" I say, "Ya I know" She says, "WHat? Your not going to return the love, I'l remember that"( LIke I owe her something) I feel like she is purposly jerking me around. You couldn't be more right about I should ignore, I'm glad you suggested it. I needed to hear that. This is my "first cut" and I hear it's the deepest. She's either confused, doesn't know what she's doing or what she wants, or is purposely messing with you. Which one do you really think it is? At any rate, she is either crazy or mean, and either way, you don't want her... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 If she doesn't want to hear or try herself, what can I do? You can love yourself bro. Ball up, walk away for good and start putting her behind you... Link to comment
need2bme Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Frisco: Thanks. BTW, we say "nut up" around here. I know and hear what you are saying, but I want to grieve a little. I need it to remind me of my part. Yes, I think it could have been better and I hope that if she comes back, that I will have the strength to hold out. I feel that I can. I need to get myself right and I mean right. I don't like myself a lot lately and that was not her fault. I brought that into the relationship. I know I neded help. Help from others and help from me. Thanks. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 I know bro. No one can tell you to "move on" and you just do it. It takes time, a lot of talking, a lot of confusion, a lot of bouncing around between your head and heart. I know, believe me, I know all too well. I'm just trying to keep your whirlwind of emotions moving in the right direction here... Nut up, ball up, sack up, don't be a scrote, take your pick and ease on down the road bro... Link to comment
temujin Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 sorry.. sometims it is best not to hope for something that will cause you more pain in the long run.. Short Answer: probably 99.9% of all breakups means its really over Long Answer: Lets not bother ok? Link to comment
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