Mysterious Gurl Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Hiya all, Okay erm ... I'm a very sensitive person. I get really upset easily and I often take things personal. I aren't doing it on purpose or to be difficult, it's just who I am. Anyway ... (I know I keep whining about this) but a short while ago, I fell for a guy who I shouldn't of. I'm 17 and he's 32, I'm guessing a lot of you will find that hard to believe and very stupid. It's true though, I did fall in love. He too was in love with me and he kissed me even though he was in a relationship with a child. I don't judge him nor hate him at all. However, his girlfriend found out I had feelings for him when she found this e-mail I sent him in his hotmail account. She doesn't realize he has feelings for me. So after that a massive argument carried on for several weeks between her, me, him and my best friend. (Long story and I can't be bothered to go in to it) Anyway, me and my best friend left this forum we were members of to get away from them both of them and contacted the site owner and asked for our memberships to be cancelled. We explained to her why we wished to leave. My friend said she was having trouble with a couple of members on there. So, about a week later we join another similar forum. Anyway, this guy (who's a moderator from the other site as well as their best friend) joins this forum, opens up a thread and starts verbally abusing both of us! He's never even met us! Calling us both nasty pieces of work and malicious little girls!!! I was kinda shocked seeing it! Apparently, the administrator told the guy I was seeing and the other moderator about my friends pm's. He then got wound up and accusing us both of accusing this woman (Freds girlfriend) of harassing us!! He was so nasty about what he wrote! Saying "How could Fred have feelings for someone like you" (meaning me) "he has a son and a girlfriend he loves dearly!" (my a***) "He just feels sorry for you thats why he can't see what a nasty piece of work you really are!" The worst bit is, he doesn't even realize fred has feelings for me! So I'm getting all this abuse for having feelings for someone and Fred gets off scott free! I'm really hurt and offended! Just wanted to rant. Miya xx Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 forget them all. ignore those forums. stay on enotalone ((((HUGS))))) Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 i dont see how you could be in love with a pedophile, however im not one to judge. i dont understand it but i wouldnt complain or interrogate you for it. i think people make their own decisions. im sure no one here would judge you or anything for it. just stay here Link to comment
mystik Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 erm...though I agree the age-gap is huge, and I wouldn't condone it, I don't think a 32 year old man who likes a 17 year old is a pedophile. There are some very mature looking, and mature acting 17 year old's out there and a grown man who likes one shouldn't be classified with those who like 5 year olds. The thing that bothers me about this post is that he kissed you when he was still with his girlfriend, and has a child. Who is to say he won't do the same thing to you if he were ever to be with you? Link to comment
Mysterious Gurl Posted June 12, 2006 Author Share Posted June 12, 2006 I know I thought it too. I just hate that I am being punished because of the way I feel and he gets away with it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 oh, he's getting away with NOTHING. karma will bite him on the butt one day. in the meantime, stay away from him and his gf, far far away!!! they will get bored and find someone else to torment. Link to comment
mystik Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Yeah I can understand why you feel that way..but you know, be strong, don't stoop down to their level, and they'll get their karma... what goes around really does come around. I hope you're feeling better anyway** Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 well, TECHNICALLY he is a pedophile. at least in canada. oh well. mysterious_girl good luck and stay away from him and his gf and the child and stuff! theyre all bad news go out and find a nice guy your own age theres ton of them. one that doesnt have a gf good luck i wish you well Link to comment
avman Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 well, TECHNICALLY he is a pedophile. at least in canada. No, pedophiles are attracted to children who are not sexually mature. It is a much more serious problem than a guy like this who is attracted to a sexually mature 17 year old. This isn't to say that a sexual relationship is a good idea nor that it is legal - just that it is not the same as a pedophile. However, the biggest issue is that he's got a girlfriend yet he's willing to mess around behind her back with no regards to either her or your feelings. That's where the big problem lies. You will find someone a lot better who will treat you right. And I'm sorry that stuff happened to you on the other forum. Hopefully you are treated much better on here. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 ditto to what avman said. plus, in the UK, where MG is posting from... 16 is the age of consent. Link to comment
mystik Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 14 is the age of consent in Canada....isn't it? It is completely legal for a 14 year old to have sex with whomever he or she wants. Link to comment
avman Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Yes, I think you are right. Though I think Canadian law makes exceptions for those in positions of trust or authority. So a 14 year old having sex with a 19 year old teacher, policeman, counselor, etc would be a problem. Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 well im in law and im taking law at uni next year becaues id like to be a lawyer, you dotn need consent if youre 14 and the guy is 16. if its a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, thast not what the law is out there for. but if someone is under the age of 18 and its a wide-age difference..as in 14 years, then it is illegal. maybe not a pedophile, but thats how i perceive it. even if it isnt illegal, which at least in the law book we study from it is, but even if not, i do think its morally wrong. 14 is the age of consent in Canada....isn't it? It is completely legal for a 14 year old to have sex with whomever he or she wants. nope. its statuoratory rape if the person is over 18. that doesnt mean theyd get in trouble, as long as it was a relationship. do you acutally think that a 40 year old would be allowed to have sex with a 15 year old if she said yes, then it wouldnt be illegal?! the law is based on circumstances of specific situations; however, that age gap difference is too large. too many teenagers and children get seduced by older men into believing that theyre in love. i guess im just touchy on this because ive had an encounter with this, and i do know it is ILLEGAL because i put a man behind bars. sorry if ive came off as cynical but its a touchy subject i suppose its my fault for writing it here just nevermind me Link to comment
avman Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 ive had an encounter with this, and i do know it is ILLEGAL because i put a man behind bars. Sorry nicorette, I didn't want to leave the impression that I thought it was a good idea. And you are right, with that kind of age gap and someone as immature as 14 it is not a good idea. There is too much of a power imbalance and lack of maturity with the younger person. I'm very sorry that you went through something like that. Just to clarify a few things though: you dotn need consent if youre 14 and the guy is 16. You always need consent. Age of consent laws are in place to set the age where a person can legally give consent. Prior to that then there is no ability for the person to consent and thus sexual contact is always a crime. Once age of consent is reached, the person must still give consent. If they don't, now you cross into sexual assault crimes. Here's the Canadian criminal codes that I found: 151 Sexual Interference - Every person who, for a sexual purpose, touches, directly or indirectly, with a part of the body or with an object, any part of the body of a person under the age of fourteen years is guilty of an indictable offence and is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding ten years or is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction. 152 Invitation to Sexual Touching - Every person who, for a sexual purpose, invites, counsels or incites a person under the age of fourteen years to touch, directly or indirectly, with a part of the body or with an object, the body of any person, including the body of the person who so invites, counsels or incites and the body of the person under the age of fourteen years, is guilty of an indictable offence and is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding ten years or is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction. 153(1) Sexual Exploitation - Every person who is in a position of trust or authority towards a young person or is a person with whom the young person is in a relationship of dependency and who (a) for a sexual purpose, touches, directly or indirectly, with a part of the body or with an object, any part of the body of the young person, or (b) for a sexual purpose, invites, counsels or incites a young person to touch, directly or indirectly, with a part of the body or with an object, the body of any person, including the body of the person who so invites, counsels or incites and the body of the young person, is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years or is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction. 153(2) Definition of "young person" - In this section, "young person" means a person fourteen years of age or more but under the age of eighteen years. Incest is another form of child sexual abuse. Incest is sexual abuse of a child by an adult that is closely related to the child. 155(1) Incest - Every one commits incest who, knowing that another person is by blood relationship his or her parent, child, brother, sister, grandparent or grandchild, as the case may be, has sexual intercourse with that person. 155(2) Punishment - Every one who commits incest is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding fourteen years. 155(4) "brother", "sister" - In this section, "brother" and "sister", respectively, include half-brother and half-sister. So these laws state that age of consent is 14 years old with the exception of cases where the partner is in a position of trust. In that case the age of consent is 18 years old. If there are more updated copies of these laws please let me know so I can update my records. Link to comment
mystik Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 do you acutally think that a 40 year old would be allowed to have sex with a 15 year old if she said yes, then it wouldnt be illegal?! You're not being cynical This is actually very interesting! Well, not like fun-interesting, but interesting to learn about. I'm sorry that you had to go through that too. I don't condone it either! Anyway, I looked it up online, and before July 2005, that was actually legal . Anyway, This is what I found: How does Bill C-2 (Protection of children and other vulnerable persons), which was passed by Parliament in July 2005, address the age of consent? Bill C-2 provides increased protection against exploitative sexual activity. It creates a new offence against the sexual exploitation of youth under 18 years where the relationship is exploitative of the young person, as evidenced by the nature and circumstances of the relationship, including the age of the young person, the difference in age between the youth and the other person, how the relationship evolved, and the degree of control or influence exercised over the young person. Accordingly, this new offence provides youth with better protection against sexual exploitation by focusing on the wrongful conduct of the other person who exploits their vulnerability and not on whether they “consented” to be exploited. So yeah, it is not necessarily illegal, but can be due to many factors and/or circumstances. Well, now I know... Sorry for hijacking this thread!! Link to comment
avman Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Oooh excellent mystik. Where did you find that reference? I'd like to bookmark that one. Believe it or not, this question comes up quite a bit. Canada's laws have always had much lower ages of consent than many other places. Link to comment
mystik Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Canada's laws have always had much lower ages of consent than many other places. This is the site: link removed and it actually addresses that discussion (Lower ages than other countries) at the bottom of the page Link to comment
avman Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Hmmm it doesn't look like bill C-2 has passed both houses of Parliament quite yet from what I see. And it still doesn't completely change the agent of consent. It only liberalizes the definition of an "exploitive relationship" which is a pretty gray area. But thanks mystik, it was good reading. I can follow this one now Link to comment
Jason Cannady Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 17 and 32? Thats pretty scary, I mean come on you just finished puberty and this guy is trying to pluck gray hairs from his recceding hariline. Thats just way to old in my opinion. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Doesn't the fact that the guy has a girlfriend and a baby bother you even more than the age gap though? Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 you dotn need consent if youre 14 and the guy is 16. haha i think i reworded it wrong. of course anyone who doesnt want to have sex and they are forced it is rape, even if you are 60. i misplaced my words. i meant that if youre 14 and having sex with a 16 year old, youre not going to have any legal troubles. it didnt happen to me, it happened to my sister who is now 20. but when she was 16 a creeper that she met while she was working at A&W who was i believe 34 at the time seduced her. at that young of an age i think these creepers take advantage of people. he made her feel like hed always protect her (me and my sister are both adopted so we have issues with abandoment) and he made her feel loved and she thought she was in love with him. my parents found out and the guy is now in jail for 7 years minimum. apparently hes had "relationships" with other minors before, and in fact has a wife and 3 children. im sure thats not the case with this lady here, it just bothers me. i know it didnt happen directly to me, but i am really close with my sister. anyhow, im hijacking the thread so ill stop it. maybe i was wrong on some of the stuff. ill check to see how old my law book is anyhow. but thats interesting information. Canada's laws have always had much lower ages of consent than many other places. yes, as in the drinking age. 19. its a good thing for me though, i suppose its odd that in canada you can drink at 19, but have to wait til youre 21 til you can gamble! Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Doesn't the fact that the guy has a girlfriend and a baby bother you even more than the age gap though? i agree annie. lets say they were relatively the same age, that would already be a huge problem enough! she definetly needs to find a guy more closer to her age who isnt sucha liar and a cheater. shes worth so much more than that. Link to comment
avman Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 shes worth so much more than that. Yes she is. I guess let's not lose sight of that point. Regardless of the age gap, this guy is bad news. Link to comment
mystik Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 yes, as in the drinking age. 19. its a good thing for me though, i suppose its odd that in canada you can drink at 19, but have to wait til youre 21 til you can gamble! ...legal age to gamble is 19 in Canada what lies are they feeding you in the interior!?! I agree, that guy is BAD NEWS. It might be legal, but the whole thing is just wrong. Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 well, i never discussed it in law, but my sister who is 20 tried to go to lake city casino or some place where i live and they said she was a minor. but that might be because my mom is against gambling and our neighbour saw her and her bf there and my mom confronted my sister and she said they wouldnt let her in because she is a minor. maybe it was bs. i feel bad for hijacking this thread *embarrassed* sorry orignial poster. just leave the guy things will get better Link to comment
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