Online Dating Guide

[Budman]

First off I know that people love how to guides and love to get guidance on different situations and how to handle things. Especially people who are shy we like to be prepared. I am/was a very shy person. Hell, you couldn't pay me to ask a girl out for the longest time I was afraid of rejection. I always read things about body language, minute changes in voice and positioning. Why did I do this it is because most people don't share their feelings outright! Also heck if you know how someone feels and know how someone is responding it's much easier to gauge how you are doing. Now to tell you the truth I did this because I was nervous and because I am a dunce when it comes to reading people (in a romantic sense). Hell I can tell when they are mad, sad, and pissed off but I can't really tell if they "like" me. Some people have this natural ability and sadly others do not. I am one of the do not's thank you.

 

Preface

 

Alright here's a sad little back story. It wasn't until my 20th birthday did I have my first intimate relation with a woman. To be quite honest I don't remember much of it as lots and lots of alcohol was involved. Heck I didn't even really like the girl. After this I decided to change my ways. Now, here is a caveat I am not was not looking for booty calls. Never have and never will. Any woman I have slept with aside from the first I have wanted a relationship with.

 

Now this was a long slow process but let's delve right in.

 

First off choose your personals site.

There are soooooo many, but I only tried a select few I will say which ones are the best and what ones aren't.

 

Now, link removed I have met one woman off of it. They don't have that many choices and they require a subscription to send and receive messages and their site is kind of funky. I do like their reverse match feature that takes your likes/dislikes and matches it to hers. It *could* be beneficial to you. For free you can wink to people, a non subscribed person can read your email, but if you use the @ symbol it's censored. NO IM SYSTEM....

 

link removed is another subscription service; I have been subscribed to them for the longest over a year actually. I have met four women off of there and it is fairly easy. Again you are required to subscribe to send messages, and to get IM names. Icebreakers are the free version of this they allow you to send short predefined messages that are pretty decent. They are plain Jane like link removed with their profile basically you put in what you want. Non subscribers can not reply to messages outside of an ice breaker (REMEMBER THIS). It has the 2nd largest amount of profiles at least in my area this could be different else where.

 

link removed sucks. It has a chat system, but the site never works correctly and your profile is stolen and proliferated on other sites without your permission. I would shy away.

 

link removed now this site sucks, but it does have some interesting features again I think your profile does get proliferated but I do like the features. First off their predefined messages are much more interesting then Yahoo’s and they have many more. My favorite feature is that a non subscriber can send emails, but only subscribers can read those emails. Now originally this would suck, but a non subscriber can read an email from a subscriber. Meaning they only require one of the two to be subscribed I like that feature it is very nice. I have not met any women from this site that I know of.

 

Now we're on to link removed. This is my new personal favorite because it is free. It has the largest amount of user generated questions that are in your profile and they base the matching on your answers and the other people's answers. Now there matching appears to be pretty decent because I get along with the people that are ranked high up. The other sites there really isn't that feature. There is an IM system integrated into the site and outside of nudity the site isn't moderated really (ohh and you are required to be in any photo that you submit.) It is more of a portal site. Now, this site rocks because since it is free people are online constantly you can meet people all the time and you can message them and IM them. They are worldwide as well. (You Danish people have some very cute women!!!) In the 2-4 weeks I have been on the site I have met two women off of there. Why because it's free they can message people and take quizzes in general it’s a fun site to go to. The third might be Sunday.

 

 

Profile

 

Woot, we're moving right along. Now I hate to say this, and I did it sometimes but I always felt dirty. To have a good profile well to have a good anything you have to know the competition. What does that mean, *shiver*, go and look through some male profiles. Okcupid is great for this, when you are looking for "matches" or women you are interested in look at their comments field see who they commented on. Look at that person's (preferably a guy) profile. See what it looks like, and just take notes formatting style, and how far it goes. (DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT COPY)

 

What do I mean by how far it goes, well look what kind of humor he is using look at what he is doing. Why do I say this? Here's the reasoning:

 

Let's say you’re a sarcastic person. Sarcasm can be very hard to bring out in text. If you look at how someone else does it you can get an idea how to bring your own humor into your profile. (HONESTY IS KEY) Look at the way he does things, is he formal or informal. Basically if you are looking for a snobby girl a goofy profile won't cut it. Not saying to lie, but bring your humor out in your profile.

 

Adding a caveat here. A profile is a definition of you. Be honest and people will respond to it. Maybe not right away but someday some time. These people you want to meet and date, etc yes? So you have to be honest, and open be yourself. Because that's all you can be.

 

Now that you have an idea for how you want to right your profile do it. Don't be over share but at the same point don't under share.

 

Here is an example:

I like to take hikes, I like to throw balls, I like to have goofy conversations, and I like to play video games.

 

That's rather boring isn't it? Don't just describe yourself make it fun like a story (always worked for me) or do it in an interesting way. Don't tell them about you; let them "see" you in your wording.

 

Some more examples I will use my own profiles.

 

First one which I can't remember was basically an advertisement for me. Yup it was all formal and professional not much to scuff at. I got no responses. None.

 

Second one.

I threw in some humor I remember this that I wrote, "I love long walks in the woods, and short walks to the convenience store." That was a joke that I made from a commercial that was played all the time in my area. I got a few responses. It's getting better.

 

Third,

I threw in some more humor a bit of goofy humor. A little story if you would basically I wrote an "announcer" and added some slapstick in the story. Read the last in this serious for an example.

 

Fourth.

This one I can quote.

The title was: "Good News I've just gotten back from..."

I've just gotten back from the hardware store, and I have a new industrial strength broom capable of sweeping anyone off their feet. Don't worry; I'll catch you before you fall.

 

Well, I think humor is my best attribute, and honesty is my second. I enjoy spending time with that special someone, but I understand that there is time that we just can't be together. I'm a romantic, and a gentleman. If you're interested send me an icebreaker. Hope you have a wonderful life.

 

Now this one got a quite a few responses, it has done quite well. Now it does need some work mind you, but overall it’s pretty solid I get contacted at least 2 times a week because of this profile.

 

Fifth Revision. Dun dun dun.

This profile has worked marvelously I have gotten contacted by over twenty women in two weeks roughly. It could be the site, and it could be the photo's more on that later. Here is the intro

*Hops on spinning pedestal*

 

*falls*

 

*gets back on*

 

This man is a 6'2 (3/4) is a walking contradiction. Not only is he a guy's guy, but he's the [[romantic]] type guy too. He's the only man I know that finds a show about prehistoric amoebas to be more exciting than NASCAR.

 

When he's not fragging people in many of the most popular video games today. He likes leisurely strolls through state parks with his lazy mutt of a dog. Luke.

 

*Hops off pedestal*

 

Hopefully you all got a kick out of that. Basically I'm just a ninety year old man stuck in a twenty-one year cold’s body with the imagination of a three year old.

 

What is that you say? Here's the Jist. I'm an old soul, I describe myself that way, I usually get along with people older than me, but I have the imagination of a three year old. Yes, that means that I can come up with some crazy ****.

 

What else to say? Hmmm, I am currently leaning toward LAW as a major, yes yes that does mean that I love to argue but I put the fun in debate. (I know, I know the letters f u and n are not in debate)

 

So, that's the short version of me. Since I don't like or want to right an autobiography I tried to keep it KISS approved.

 

I just had to add a random pic of my dang cat, link removed . Yes, she’s defending my paper from myself."

 

Now this profile is a hybrid of 1, 2, 3, and 4. It's goofy yet serious, and kind of fun to read. I get contacted by people all the time. Some just to say I love your profile, which of course gets into a conversation.

 

Now as you can see a profile is MONUMENTUS to you doing well or not doing well. Am I saying that your profile has to be like mine NOPE NOT AT ALL, in fact I'll sue you for copyright infringement lol. I am saying is that your profile should show you, not in saying exactly what you do but "showing" it to the reader. Now, you should be honest and open and display your true self. You will attract the women that you really want. (Not all the time but most of the time.) Now you may be saying these profiles make you sound cool and stuff like that. Well I was being honest, this is how I am. I am a goofy man, and with my friends they find me a riot. It displays me; it does not just define me.

 

Second to last point, sorry kiddos but grammar does matter. Yes even punctuation. I know I hate it too but run it through a spell check or three.

 

Last point, I went and found people that I knew I'd never meet and got their opinions. Very easy to do on okcupid. Just ask what do you think can you give me some pointers? Most of the time they will heck you can even give them some pointers and make a new friend!

 

PICTURE

AHH the light the light, I'm blindedededed. I'm sorry guys but you have, HAVE to have a picture. Preferably 2 or 3. One of a close-up of your face, and one of your body. Basically a portrait and a landscape. Now there are a lot of ideas behind pictures but I will mention a few tips.

One definitely has to have a picture of a semi close-up of your face. Should have it but not necessary. Second, have a picture of AT LEAST your torso. Yes, people do refrain from contacting you if you do that. Now, you might ask I'm fat and I don't want a picture showing that. Well, they will meet you eventually that's the goal. They'll find out, and they'll be pissed when they do. If you show a picture of your body, (not nekkid) you will get more responses.

 

All right some additional tips. According to Yahoo personals a little article says that the opposite sex finds you more attractive if you have a picture of your animal. Remember that pic that I had on here (Why Dog's rock) Yup I put that picture in there and I got 3x the responses. Some just to say, "Oh your dog is sooo cute." My cat also made her way in there if you noticed. Now you say, "But she's just messaging you to say your dog is cute." Alas, she is doing that but it opens up the avenue of communication. She doesn't do it because she likes the dog; she does it because she likes you. It just gives her an excuse to message you. (She was browsing a personals site, remember that.)

 

Others have mentioned or put thoughts on the idea of "group photo's” Well I think that is fine as long as it represents you and portrays you well.

 

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT USE A PICTURE OF YOU AND AN EX. (I have not tested this theory but I assume bad things)

 

EDIT I think that having pics with Groups is now or might be a good thing. Maybe pics with Friends or Women is good. (no kissing), its considered Social Proof you're fun. I still get contacted a lot. So... I am getting good results by it. (look at my profile, I have pics with 3 different women I believe and I am still getting contacted)

 

 

Reinforcing the thought.

Ok, so I know some of you guys are thinking, "But what if they don't like me." That's the beauty of Online dating for the most part you never know. Or care, considering there could be 300 people, or 3000 people to talk to in your area (depending on the size) you can just keep going. Also, why would you want to sell what you aren't? You are looking for a girl; the girl will like your profile and not you if they don't coincide. ALSO, you must use recent pictures. YOU MUST HAVE A PIC, it must be clear, and your profile better be damn good.

CAVEAT #1: You will notice that some of the women that you contact will have nothing on their profile and yet you still want to contact them. Go right ahead, but the better your profile the more likely they will respond.

 

 

*Breathes* Contacting someone.

 

Dun dun dun, ok so you got all of the stuff done. All of it, wow you're moving on up. Ok, just because you have a kickass profile, and a bad *** picture don't expect the women to fall all over you. (Because to be honest I think it takes time to hone the perfect profile mine isn't even perfect) Honestly you need practice in anything that you do. Ok now I am going to use okcupid because it is the easiest site in my humble opinion. You have one of two options. IM or Message. A few people respond to messages, and a few respond to im's. What I like to do, is send a message (Do not woo that pisses people off) and then later on (like two days) if I see them on I send them an IM. It doesn't seem stalkerish it seems interested.

 

Your first IM convo

Alright man, you ready? Ok now don't get all worked up and scared. It's just an IM convo I'm sure you've had one. Basically have fun. It's just a girl sitting at the other end of a computer in some unknown house bored out of her mind.

 

Your goal my friend, is to unbore her. Now you say, but I want to date her! Yes, yes that is true but first you must incite her interest. Humor is the way to a woman's heart especially at the beginning. Now if you are not funny that's perfectly fine, find another interest to share with her. You both like Rock Music talk about that. Get her interested, and let her have fun. Keep the convo going, When she doesn't respond I like to do something I call the "tumbleweed" at times, basically I just type *tumbleweed* because it just says your bored, and stuff like that. Don't get too aggressive with it maybe once or twice, but this basically lets them know that you are actively paying attention to the convo and you want to chat with them. Usually this puts in the thought, "ohh he likes me and wants me to talk to him, and so I should say stuff like brb, and afk etc so he knows." I say this because I get an improved use of those valuable resources. Find your own experiment.

 

Now, think of them as a new friend, have fun in the conversation. If you're having fun she's having fun remember that. (Never make fun of her, you can poke fun occasionally non hurtfully though.) In general it takes more than one person to have fun. If you are just having fun most likely you are making fun of someone.

 

Have fun talk be humorous, you do have an ulterior motive but don't worry about it. In fact never worry about it, from this point on. Every time I have thought, "Ohh this girl is sooo cute, and I want to do this and do that," never works out; the conversations just does not play out well. Your convo's will be like pulling teeth. They are never fun.

 

Next part, Roll with the flow man. Yes you noticed I said Roll instead of go. Let the flow move you and guide you. You may instigate it at times but you will after awhile get the idea of where the convo is headed. Roll with it, live with it, and learn to love it. Sometimes you can find the most wholesome innocent girl loves to talk about sex. Yes, it’s true (well maybe they appear to be anyway). So sometimes they will hint about it. Well you go with it, dance around the subject. Lure them in, and then go in for the kill.

 

Here is an example:

She started talking about the **** test on okcupid.

I asked her a question on okcupid, "Ideally, how often would you have sex?"

She answered, I rebutted.

Then it rolled into talking about sexual fantasies. Yes it was an interesting conversation such a sweet girl. Hope the best for her. (Yes, you notice the quick subject change.)

 

Just enjoy the conversation again bring your personality into it. I notice when I go nuts and type the weirdest **** in there (I'll have to post it when I get home) I get the best responses. For example: We were talking about messengers and how she hates them. I'm like practice safe messenger use, avoid mtd's. Messenger transmittable diseases. She told me she had to clean soda off the monitor. Be yourself and have fun to be fun.

 

OLD outdated Now, I like to at the end of the first convo ask them, "May I talk to you later?" Now, I do this because it throws the ball into their court. To see if they still want to be contacted and most say yes.

 

EDIT: NEW Info DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT say May I talk to you later (blah bad, bad bad bad bad.) (ya I was stupid) Always say I will talk to you later, never ever ever ever put the ball in their court on this. You will talk to them later, if not oh well. The point is, you will talk to them later. It's a show of confidence. Doesn't matter if its true or not. Why wouldn't they want to talk to you later? Exactly, you are awesome, they should want to!

 

 

Ok now there are different time limits for different women. Some women will want to meet right away, and others will be more leary. One girl took 6 months (last night) where as another will take a day. Each girl is different.

 

Time to meet!

Ok now it's time to meet the girl. The time is perfect for it. You've gotten psyched up but where to go. Well first off safety is the primary concern. Yes for you and her. Always meet in a public place (I do not follow the "rules" whole heartedly but it depends on the people and the situation) Now it depends on the girl. If the girl is shy, do an activity. Like bowling, pool, or something else. It can help pull her out and it gives you something to talk about helps pull out a conversation. Now if the girl is outgoing I recommend a coffee shop. Because if you two can carry on a conversation that can be much more fun then the game. Let's look at just some of the possibilities.

 

You are shy and she is shy (most people are on these things)

 

If you go bowling.

You have something to talk about, talk about the game have fun heck you can even comment on her butt (depending on the girl again roll with the flow.) Every time I have done this, it usually leads to something else with the girl. Why because she just spent an hour talking and flirting with you and having fun. So now you can have a conversation. (Don’t expect it, again roll with the flow)

 

Shy girl Shy guy Coffee

Now, you sit there, and are doing nothing. You are kind of staring at each other both wanting to speak and neither really able to. This is not good; this is not a good idea for first timers. I REPEAT NOT A GOOD IDEA. Especially if you are shy.

 

Outgoing Guy Shy Girl Bowling (aka a game or activity one that you can talk while doing)

The guy and girl can talk and if the guy is good at it he can easily bring her out of her "shell" because she has something to concentrate on other than the conversation. If you make a fool of yourself this can be a good thing (make a mistake have a blast etc)

 

Outgoing Guy Shy Girl Coffee (again just talking mainly convo)

Now this can work but again it’s going to be more difficult than the activity date. Mainly the entertainment is each other. If you can not hold a conversation it is a flop. Now if you are talented at keeping a convo going, try it, and work on it. Again if you are a first timer try to avoid this if possible.

 

Outgoing guy/girl any

Could be fun have fun!

 

Ok, now there are some other situations so I figure that I will mention them.

 

Two times now, I've met the parents of the girl I have met the day I met them (rather interesting it was)

Now, I am fairly big 6'3 180 lbs and I know how to defend myself, and I figure you only life once right but I do not recommend this I may have the luck of the Irish with me.

 

Some of my situations that I will leave up to you. Alright they can be awkward and a little uneasy but they can come up, especially if you roll with the flow so you may have to stop this if you don't feel comfortable.

 

After the activity you both want to go and do something else. Now because most women are scared or might be concerned I offer to let them drive. It puts them in control of you. That makes it feel much easier on them.

 

Two, there have been times where she rode with me, perfectly fine had fun.

 

Three, you meet there parents VERY awkward. Very uneasy only one girl has told her parents that I was from the "internet" and that was the least awkward one of the bunch.

 

Most people say and I would agree to an extent that you should not meet a woman at yours or her workplace. Now I have done this before sometimes your schedule just doesn't work out and you have to find a way. Usually I try to get there at the end of a shift. Basically the coworkers will start convo's with her and get involved you can't talk with the person you came to talk with. (Honestly if you are shy, you will try to carry on a conversation leaving a person out not realizing it. So I do not blame them.)

 

 

Closing.

 

Ok I will add and take stuff off and do this and do that because this is v.1 now, any addendums or suggestions feel free to post I will update accordingly, I love other input. Remember the goal is to have fun, have a goal but don't stress if it doesn't happen. The first few times you meet someone, your going to be scared whit less (Tami and Natalie oh boy I was stressed, Stephanie a little, Katrina Some, Lindsey none, Angel a bit, Lindsey #2 NONE, Sabrina absolutely none. You will be much less shy and nervous because you know you’ll have stuff to talk about.

 

 

OK, if you want to make additions or anything like that please pm them to me and you will get credits. Please do not copy this. I took some time to write it and I will make changes and update this.

 

Addendum #1

 

You may ask, “I will be embarrassed if anyone sees my profile on those sites.” First, you are using every available means to meet people what is wrong with that you are an explorer meeting people outside of your normal hangouts, a guy who let’s the wind guide him, an entrepreneur in love so to speak. You are expanding your horizons.

 

Here are some things to say if people are trying (they won’t) make fun of you:

 

Guy:

 

Why are you surfing Guy’s profiles on personal sites?

Dude you use it too?

 

Girl:

Well you were browsing too.

Well do you want to hook up?

 

Heck, even some of the girls I have met actually saw someone or met someone on a personals site. They are like, “You look familiar, and where do I know you from?” Usually that generates a conversation and it’s a pleasant experience.

 

Don’t be embarrassed you are looking for love one of the most noble, and dreadful experience known to man.

 

 

Addendum #2! (New!!)

 

Ok, I figured I would give some more points on Indicators of Interest (I stole that from the pickup artist scene).

 

An Indicator of Interest, Ahh yes, for the social rejects such as myself I have to pick up on these, and realize what they are. Yes, I am getting much better and it is becoming instinct to me, but I still pay attention to these.

 

Ok guys, This one sounds simple enough but I didn't get it Hell I don't even know why. If she touches your leg, above the knee purposely. Yes, its true I didn't get that. Now I do! Alleluia!

 

some more:

 

If you are holding hands!

If you are holding each others arms!

If you squeeze her hand, and she squeezes back!

If you can hug her without any uncomfortableness.

If you poke her, or tickle her and she always comes back to you or stays near you. (HUGE)

If her leg, touches your leg more than ONCE while your sitting at a table. Ohh, and here's a big big big big

*insert 50 more bigs*, if her leg doesn't move, while your leg is touching it you're doing great she digs you.

If you can put your face within 5 inches of hers Either front side or whatever.

 

 

Addendum #3 (added this as well)

 

Never be afraid to ask a girl to hold hands on the first meeting, or to go for a walk. If she says no, Be fine with it, if she says yes Jump for glee if you want to. Only do this if this is how you will be forever with her. If it is you. (I'm a touchy person so ya it will stay true.

[melrich]

Hi all,

 

I read the above guide and asked Budman if he would mind posting it here. We get a lot of members asking about online dating.

 

This is a really well written, comprehensive and practical article. If you are considering entering the world of internet dating it is well worth the read.

 

Thanks Budman.

[Budman]

Well thank you Melrich, I feel very honored honestly.

 

*wipes tear*

 

Well written it is not, but hey it followed my many many follies.

[Q10]

I saw your profile on okcupid, I was just curious and yes! it was hilarious loved it lol, I want a profile like yours! Thanks for the nice article, I'm sure it'll really be usefull to people who want give online dating a try.

[Lily04]

I use Lavalife, and it is interesting... lots of people use it. But it may be more of a Canadian thing, so that may be why you didnt mention it... but since using it, I actually feel more depressed about my love life. Since using it in April, I have received 386 smiles (they are free to send or receive) and have gone on.. 3 dates. They were OK, but I decided Im not interested in them & sorta felt that even before we met... I saw how he might not be totally right for me. Like in real life, I might be too picky, as I quite literally dont seem to be interested in 99% of them on there (and Im not lying about the smiles either...) I mean 3 out of 386 is probably around... 99% rejection rate...

 

Im being to actually feel more hopeless having started this because I signed up having hope that I might actually find someone and instead am just becoming scared that Ill never find someone. How about being 21 and NEVER having a boyfriend? Yet theres literally almost 400 guys willing to go out with me, and I am not interested in one.

 

What do you do in this situation? Just give up, sign off & decide to leave it be? let life happen and if Im still single at 35, so be it?

[Q10]

Stop looking? Make sure you don't "lower" your standards with the fear of not being able to find anyone. Stop looking, Love finds us when we're least looking for it

[Lily04]

Yeah, I've lately considered lowering my standards and just dating someone I'm not really into... the problem is that I have no problem meeting guys to be friends with. But they get disappointed that I just want to be friends... but there's just that romantic chemistry missing for me. I'm often not physically attracted to them, or something... and if I AM by any chance, he's not interested, or his personality doesn't click with mine well. There's always *something*.

 

I could lower my standards for physical attractiveness and just date someone i'm not really attracted to, which I have tried, but I don't feel completely fulfilled either.

 

I don't know. In some ways, those sites are good but in others.. it's really a contrived atmosphere and not much different from the real life dating scene.

[Q10]

Yeah, don't do that because you won't be happy. You can't *force* something to happen, especially a feeling that's not there. Are you sure there's nothing behind your head that's making excuses? I was like you also, but I noticed there was a bareer behind my head, I still don't know why/what it is, I find excuses for girls that like me & go for the ones that are not compatible with me, knowing nothing will happen. That's why I think I'm afraid of relationships also, maybe you are too deep inside, but never realised?

[Q10]

I just read your other post on "Abuse and domestic violence" and I think I got my answer..

"My mom is actually in an emotionally abusive relationship with my Dad"

If you've grown up in an atmosphere like that, it's more than likely to have affected you..

[teacup]

can't I just put up a free for rent sign in my avatar?

that would make it easier.

[Q10]

White horsed princes don't carry around money with them

[Luke Skywalker]

Post withdrawn.

[Relationship Coach]

Great post Budman! I'm sure this will come in handy for years to come!

 

RC

 

P.S. I met my wife on yahoo personals.

[Budman]

First off, Lily I was going to respond (forgot to hit submit on home computer heh.)

 

Also Lily, I was 21 and a few months before I got my first GF. (Yay for 2 days lol) Honestly, Ironically that was the one where I was the "most normal" Now I'm just downright odd hehe)

 

I suppose it depends on what your high standards are. I will not say that you should lower them, but maybe you should reevaluate them. How extreme are these high standards. See when I think of this I'm originally thinking of The bald guy in Shallow Hal. Where he breaks up with a drop dead gorgeous woman because her 2nd toe is longer than her big toe. (Extreme example I know) . As all dating books for guys try to tell us. Sit down and state what you want. Now, there has to be NEEDS, and Wants. There is a difference!

 

A need is something that you HAVE to have, like I am a really really touchy guy. (when I am romantic with someone, IT IS REQUIRED, for them to be touching me most of the time (they don't mind though I smell good hehe).

 

A want for me is a Girl who plays video games. Its not needed but dammit it would be nice.

 

A need for me is a woman with intelligence, opinions, and passion in life.

 

So I mean evaluate what you like and don't like. Get some rules down, also what is the harm on going out with a few of these guys that don't exactly meet some qualifications could be fun could make a new friend. (just doing a thought provoking statement here).

 

Anyway, I didn't try lavalife, yet. I'm about to move a profile over to it (Hey what's the harm its free right?) Currently, I'm on:

link removed (sucky site I don't like it)

link removed (eh)

link removed

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Yahoo personals (link removed)

link removed

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My top favorites are Okcupid, Yahoo, Myspace, and Match.

 

Myspace, has everyone. It's not a personals site but a community site. Just like facebook, the reason your on it is because almost everyone else is (especially if you're 21). You won't get as many responses, but you will get some. I've met 2 people off there, and I wasn't serious about it till about 2 months ago.

 

I'll check out Lavalife when I have time. Honestly, I think we should review the different sites, cause honestly, its hard to find out which ones work, and which don't.

 

OVERALL, I've met the most from Yahoo which is ironic, because there are more people Just on Yahoo, (in my experience) than others. Most of the time, as with Match, if they're on Match they're probably on Yahoo, Date, and possibly others. However I've noticed with Americansingles they have MANY people that i've not seen before yet I've yet to get a wink on there (ironically enough).

 

And I'm going to add a new addendum.

 

 

Great post Budman! I'm sure this will come in handy for years to come!

 

RC

 

P.S. I met my wife on yahoo personals.

 

You're too kind. Thanks.

 

Ok, I feel like I'm eblushing now.

Way to make me blush, *aww shux*

[teacup]

 

Ok, I feel like I'm eblushing now.

 

I don't know what that was all about but

don't make me epinch you. 8-[

[Budman]

I don't know what that was all about but

don't make me epinch you. 8-[

 

hehe, eblushing is like blushing lol, I feel embarressed for getting praise. (Its a quirk of mine

[teacup]

White horsed princes don't carry around money with them

 

Still waiting to hear the clip clopping of horses' hooves, as usual, prince charming is late. (typical man)

HAVE YOU BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH SNOW WHITE AND SLEEPING BEAUTY?!

I'm going to tell my evil stepmother about you.

[Budman]

Still waiting to hear the clip clopping of horses' hooves, as usual, prince charming is late. (typical man)

HAVE YOU BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH SNOW WHITE AND SLEEPING BEAUTY?!

I'm going to tell my evil stepmother about you.

 

Prince charming is always right on time, its just that you never know when he's supposed to come.

 

Its kinda like, when you stop looking for love it smacks you in the face.

 

but sadly, you never stop looking until you're so frustrated, or hurt from the pursuit of love.

[sir sirloin]

Science experiment...change the height in your profile to 5'7" and see how often you get contacted.

[Budman]

Science experiment...change the height in your profile to 5'7" and see how often you get contacted.

 

Well, that would be lying as I am 6'3. I mean what If I really like a girl, and I then have to tell her that I am actually 6'3...

 

Some girls don't like tall guys, and it'd be my luck lol.

 

I see the purpose of that. I really do...

 

I say we work on your profile, or someone elses. Who is 5'7 and we do it that way...

 

PS also, Look and take note what you look at. Most people don't look at height right away (some do but that's not true completely).

 

Photo's are looked at first,

Then

Profile is read,

then check have kids

living situation

 

^^thats mine honestly, that's the first 5 things I do.

 

Photo's are looked at cause they are usually the most eye catching.

[SwtMary]

I love this guide. I think it is great. It is very helpful and very well thought out. I think you did an excellent job. I am so proud of you I hope it helps people branch out. You have a very strange and indepth knowledge of women..hmmm kinda scarey...LOL

 

(hugs) Love ya, hun...

[Budman]

I love this guide. I think it is great. It is very helpful and very well thought out. I think you did an excellent job. I am so proud of you I hope it helps people branch out. You have a very strange and indepth knowledge of women..hmmm kinda scarey...LOL

 

(hugs) Love ya, hun...

 

Dangit, now I'm really blushing, and I think my shoe wore a hole into my floor from the twist, *aw shux* manuever...

[RayKay]

Great post Bud

 

I think you have some very accurate observations about the online dating world, especially in how you write a profile.

 

Here's an example of a "decent" profile turned interesting. Please note, you should not LIE to make one more interesting. Please forgive me, as I am NOT a man so had to make this up! I am of course also going more with what kind of things caught MY eye when I was online dating.

 

Plain and "meh":

 

I am a 23 year old science student. I like sports. My favourite colour is blue, and my favourite ice cream flavour is licorice. I am looking for a nice girl whom likes dogs. Please send me a wink.

 

Little more intriguing:

 

I am living the humble life in pursuit of knowledge, dividing my time between exercising my brain, and relieving that stress by tackling opponents on the football field. I probably won't ever go pro though, as I am too involved in the exciting world of trying to splicing genes to create a bionic cloned sheep (kidding...almost).

 

I can't quite bring myself to wear pink, knowing full well it is the in thing, and find a deep blue is a much better contrast to my brown eyes. Overall I am a pretty regular guy, though I tend to satisfy my inner rebel by ordering licorice instead of vanilla, sushi instead of chicken and a Jagermeister instead of a Bud.

 

The girl that turns this regular guy into a lovesick puppy will be the one that has a passion for the outdoor life, is as interested in discussing Plato as she is the Oilers, and is as comfortable in a canoe as she is cuddled up on the couch. Any girl whom catches my eye, will be put through the rigorous test of meeting my faithful puppy, whose judge of character has saved my skin many times.

 

Now that I have piqued your interest, I look forward to hearing from you!

 

Some notes. Don't say "I am this" or "I do that". Put an example in.

 

Don't use user names like "HotStud5698" or for you females,

"LongLegsSexyButt". Trust me, unless you are LOOKING for creepy messages, you do NOT want to put that name in. You will get enough as is! For the men, it to me is just a turn off. If I wanted to get played, I would be at the pool hall!

 

At the end of a profile, put a statement in that basically says "I know you will contact me" (without actually saying that). It puts the seed into their mind, where they can say..."hey, I am going to contact this guy". Contrary to popular belief, many women DO start the messages/emails. They get a lot of stuff without doing so, but that does not mean they are getting the people they want contact them.

 

Use up to date pictures. Of yourself. A picture of you hanging around with friends at the campfire is much more appealing then a professional model shot in my opinion, no one ever looks the same as their airbrushed self. If you are heavier set, be honest about it. Sure some may be turned off, but not nearly as much as those whom feel lied too down the road. On lavalife, I noted a lot of people had some strange definitions of "fit".

 

Don't message absolutely every profile you see. Be somewhat selective, but not overly so. We know when we are being bombared as part of their mass email mission. It's pretty apparent for example someone is doing that when they say in their profile what they are looking for is what we are NOT.

 

If there is mutual interest, ask someone out within a week or two for a REAL life date. Do NOT spend weeks talking online and on the phone. It's pointless. It not only builds up very possibly false expectations, it also gives people the chance to say "meh, he is not intersted, I'll meet someone else". What good is connecting online if in person you flounder and are not attracted to one another?

 

Don't say "I just got out of a crappy relationship (cheating witch!) and am looking for someone whom will treat me right". Even if you DID go through that, don't go for the pity vote, it won't attract the most stable people.

 

Anyway, just some things I noticed, and learned, from my online experiences. Online dating can actually be a great way to meet people. It is however not a shopping venue where you just pick and choose whom you like and stick them in your basket. They are still people, and there still needs to be mutual attraction and the right components for a relationship. Just because you go on a date does not mean you must start picking out your china patterns.

 

I have had a couple relationships from the online world (lavalife - it is definitely more popular in Canada from what I have seen), one of which is definitely one that made me VERY happy I ever tried it in the first place. He was worth the occasional snag in the experience.

[Q10]

Thanks RayKay, you make me wanna join lavalife now

[Budman]

First off thank you for the kind words, and I was wondering if I can put some of that into my post (I post it on a site or two) and I will give you full credit. Also, some say that I should extend it into a book, (I know some people that are very smart on this as well in different parts). Anyway, at least for the post, do you mind if I add you into it.

 

2ndly, I like you're input but one thing I like is philosophy. Two of the most important questions or the only questions in Philosophy are: What do you mean, and How do you know. So my questions are:

 

What do you mean by "I know you will contact me" statement. I mean I understant the premise, but I am not sure the implementation here.

 

I hope you speak of it like Magic (the art not "real" magic), One of the most important principles is making someone believe something without telling them outright. For example, everyone knows that there are trick decks, but when a magician uses them right they are never ever suspected.

 

Also, if you notice in Magic a magician never says what he is going to do, but does it, and amazes you in that way. Which helps a lot since, it is unexpected so if you fail, you don't truly fail.

 

Anyway, I get off the subject. I love a lot of the points you brought up from a woman's perspective.

 

Some more questions:

 

If you wouldn't mind do you remember the order you looked at profiles?

 

Did you ever pass up someone because there pic was really small, or of real poor quality?

 

What made your husband stand out, what did he do on the first date?

 

Did he give you his number, or did he ask for yours?

 

If he would have asked to meet you on day one, would you have?

 

Would you say there are set dates, or "time" frames where you feel comfortable with a person, or is it a case by case thing?

 

I know that you are you, and these answers may be different, so any woman who wants to answer those. Feel free!