is it wrong that...

[jdheinold]

i want more than just a random sexual encounter with some woman i don't know well? my best friend has been...encouraging me to, "go out and get laid," i.e. a one night stand, sine my ex gf left me nearly a year ago. i enjoy sex as much as any man, but i feel like i want more than a no srtings attached encounter. i keep letting him know that i don't just want to "get laid;" i want more of a connection with somone i'm going to have sex with.

 

is my view of things wrong or outdated in some way?

[JJRadical]

The same skills that lead to getting laid can lead to a relationship...how yuo gonna know if you don't get out there and start communicating...get out there and meet some people...you've had your Red Sox dream come true now its time to let the Yankees continue their reign...who cares what others think of you...

[teacup]

i never understood why men want to randomly stick it in some woman they don't know. i mean, jesus golly christ, do i want some random man i don't know to stick it in me? well, hell no.

[teacup]

The same skills that lead to getting laid can lead to a relationship...how yuo gonna know if you don't get out there and start communicating...get out there and meet some people...you've had your Red Sox dream come true now its time to let the Yankees continue their reign...who cares what others think of you...

 

so ur telling him if he gets laid once, he will go on a 86 year losing streak until he scores a world series again? dayam. that's harsh.

[JJRadical]

i never understood why men want to randomly stick it in some woman they don't know. i mean, jesus golly christ, do i want some random man i don't know to stick it in me? well, hell no.

It mans predisposition to spread the seed as much as possible to insure the species continues...I'm not saying we are animals or that its a good idea...but thats whre it comes from...

[JJRadical]

so ur telling him if he gets laid once, he will go on a 86 year losing streak until he scores a world series again? dayam. that's harsh.

Didn't meant to make a metaphor out of the Red Sox non-legacy.

[teacup]

It mans predisposition to spread the seed as much as possible to insure the species continues...I'm not saying we are animals or that its a good idea...but thats whre it comes from...

 

oh WOW. i never thought of that before. the caveman disposition from prehistorical genetics really makes me hot. BRING IT.

 

j/k. yah...so i hear. ensuring the success of future progency. what would it be like to be a man for a day?

[DropToZero]

I think I know what you mean, but I'm coming to huge crossroads, not sure at my young age if I really want a relationship, or just keep everything "no strings." I'm finally beginning to lean more towards the latter, but...I don't know, I guess I'm open to anything.

 

The only thing I could tell you about "no strings" sex, well even though I've never done it, it wouldn't be the same as a relationship. I could sleep with a girl with no strings, but it wouldn't be "as good" as it would be if I were in a relationship. I've always been told I'm a really good kisser etc...but I don't think I could kiss a girl I'd just met the same way as I'd kiss a girl I'd been with for a while. I don't know though, I've never done it as I said, but I don't think I, myself, would be "into" it as much as I would be than if it were in a relationship.

[JJRadical]

oh WOW. i never thought of that before. the caveman disposition from prehistorical genetics really makes me hot. BRING IT.

 

j/k. yah...so i hear. ensuring the success of future progency. what would it be like to be a man for a day?

I wasn't trying to make you hot with that knowledge...just showing the motovation behing why guys are such pigs...what would it like to be a man for a day? Well for starters you'd stop making threads about how your job sux and do something about it...

[teacup]

i was just joking, do caveman really make me hot? will have to try that at halloween.

 

job - no can do. they pay me well, hours are flexible, and i get lots of benefits. like all proverbial womankind i just like to imagine the grass being greener on the other side.

[jdheinold]

The same skills that lead to getting laid can lead to a relationship...how yuo gonna know if you don't get out there and start communicating...get out there and meet some people...you've had your Red Sox dream come true now its time to let the Yankees continue their reign...who cares what others think of you...

considering i've never had those "skills," it would seem that i am hopeless by your standards. i think going out to get laid has nothing to do with forming a relationship with someone. having a no strings relationship would be more about animal attraction rather than an emotional bond that is created when a relationship starts. i dunno, i've only had one woman in my life, and she broke my heart by cheating on me. maybe that has something to do with my non-desire to have a fling?

[teacup]

considering i've never had those "skills," it would seem that i am hopeless by your standards. i think going out to get laid has nothing to do with forming a relationship with someone. having a no strings relationship would be more about animal attraction rather than an emotional bond that is created when a relationship starts. i dunno, i've only had one woman in my life, and she broke my heart by cheating on me. maybe that has something to do with my non-desire to have a fling?

 

u know what they say. the more swings you take, the more homeruns u make. or did i just make that up?

 

now to be serious, having a relationship takes maturity, selfawareness, and emotional availability and responsiveness. mabe you are more developed in those areas than ur buddy?

[jdheinold]

u know what they say. the more swings you take, the more homeruns u make. or did i just make that up?

 

now to be serious, having a relationship takes maturity, selfawareness, and emotional availability and responsiveness. mabe you are more developed in those areas than ur buddy?

 

taking more swings also leads to a ton of strike outs too

 

i'm not sure i'm more developed than he, i guess it would be circumstance. my only relationship lasted for 5.5 years. he has had multiple girlfriends and flings. as well as i know him, i can never see him being settled down. he has a kid with a girl he broke up with a few months back, he's back with his ex that left the country a few years back, who is again leaving the country in a few months...but back to me.

 

i guess the issue here may be that i have zero self confidance when it comes to women. i've always needed the aid of alcohol to talk to anyone i'm attracted to...not exatcly a great way to start things. i'm not proud of it, but i really don't know any other way...as i said, i have zero self confidence

 

it didn't take long for me to have sex with my ex (now thats a rhyme) for the first time, and it was a regular thing for quite a while. now that she's left, i've gona back to the way i was before i met her. inept, shy, anti-social, you know...all that crap.

[JJRadical]

Animal attraction? What do you think a guy and a girl see each other on the street and just start going at it? All i'm saying is in order to be in a relationship/whether if its just for sex or not you got to have communication with that person...all guys have zero confidence when it comes to women in the beginning...you gotta start over...focus on expanding your social circle...teacup makes a good point...as much as i hate Aerosmith its like the songs says 'its everybody's sin/you've got to lose to learn how to win.'

[teacup]

u should see me coach my little brother on how to get women. it's very strange, i know nothing about chasing them, but hey i try.

 

#1 look friendly - girls will come up and talk to you. for example, i will talk to anyone. babies, grandmas, cats, dogs, trees....but if they look unfriendly, i won't bother. otherwise, just let the girl lead the conversation and let her yap your ear off.

[jdheinold]

all guys have zero confidence when it comes to women in the beginning

 

not to entirely take the focus of me, but my best friend has no shame...full of confidence. i have no idea how he does it, but he does.

 

u should see me coach my little brother on how to get women. it's very strange, i know nothing about chasing them, but hey i try.

 

#1 look friendly - girls will come up and talk to you. for example, i will talk to anyone. babies, grandmas, cats, dogs, trees....but if they look unfriendly, i won't bother. otherwise, just let the girl lead the conversation and let her yap your ear off.

 

i'm not sure i'd coach my sister on how to get a guy...but maybe thats different

 

i have been told that while cute, i look very intimidating. i don't know why this is, nor do i know how to fix it. i smile, listen, do what i can to act interested, and its gotten me 1 date since i became single...and the date was awful. perhaps i'm just hopeless and should deal with it?

[teacup]

not to entirely take the focus of me, but my best friend has no shame...full of confidence. i have no idea how he does it, but he does.

 

mabe he just doesn't care. i can't say im fond of men like that. sometimes too much confidence is overkill.

 

 

i'm not sure i'd coach my sister on how to get a guy...but maybe thats different

 

can't help it. he don't got no brother.

 

i have been told that while cute, i look very intimidating. i don't know why this is, nor do i know how to fix it. i smile, listen, do what i can to act interested, and its gotten me 1 date since i became single...and the date was awful. perhaps i'm just hopeless and should deal with it?

 

do you give them big toothy grins like ur about to eat them? WRONG.

a nice what's up, how's it going. RIGHT.

[jdheinold]

do you give them big toothy grins like ur about to eat them? WRONG.

a nice what's up, how's it going. RIGHT.

 

nope, no toothy grins, a warm (at least what i consider warm) closed mouth smile.

 

starting a conversation? forget it. not gonna happen unless someone else starts it, and then the focus is not on me. i have near zero social skills...product of circumstance. grew up in a small town with very few friends. social anxiety set in and the rest is history.

 

even if i could somehow get the balls to say hi, i have no idea how to follow up the conversation.

[itsallgrand]

i want more than just a random sexual encounter with some woman i don't know well? my best friend has been...encouraging me to, "go out and get laid," i.e. a one night stand, sine my ex gf left me nearly a year ago. i enjoy sex as much as any man, but i feel like i want more than a no srtings attached encounter. i keep letting him know that i don't just want to "get laid;" i want more of a connection with somone i'm going to have sex with.

 

is my view of things wrong or outdated in some way?

 

I would not say your view is wrong or outdated.

 

Honestly, it sounds like your friend is just trying to help in the way he knows how. When he's low or in a rut; he most likely goes out and finds a girl. There's nothing wrong with that in itself - so long as it is a mutual agreement.

 

Let me ask you one thing.....Are you still finding yourself lingering on thoughts of the ex? Are you stuck in a rut - like your romantic life ended when your ex. got out of the picture?

 

I'll play the wild card. It's not totally crazy to have one night stands. For some people; it jump starts them. It makes them realize "wow. Look at how easy that was. Life is good. I can do anything!" lol.

 

If you don't want to go that route....it's time to start working on that social anxiety. Build your confidence, start attempting to face your fears: the rest will all follow from there.

[JJRadical]

nope, no toothy grins, a warm (at least what i consider warm) closed mouth smile.

 

starting a conversation? forget it. not gonna happen unless someone else starts it, and then the focus is not on me. i have near zero social skills...product of circumstance. grew up in a small town with very few friends. social anxiety set in and the rest is history.

 

even if i could somehow get the balls to say hi, i have no idea how to follow up the conversation.

Communicating is a skill that can be learned and like a muscle it gets stronger everytime you use it...if you aren't willing to try be satisfied with masterbation and your talking to your hand...you sound like such a victim...start by joining a group...I don't care if its bird watching, AA (who cares if you drink or not...its a free monolgue with an audience), kararte class whatever..... start somewhere...start with small goals...

[jdheinold]

Let me ask you one thing.....Are you still finding yourself lingering on thoughts of the ex? Are you stuck in a rut - like your romantic life ended when your ex. got out of the picture?

i would say yes to most of this question. i do still think of her...and its been nearly 10 months later. i don't believe the my romantic life ended when she left...just that i'm having one hell of a hard time finding someone new to spend time with.

 

If you don't want to go that route....it's time to start working on that social anxiety. Build your confidence, start attempting to face your fears: the rest will all follow from there.

 

i don't even know where to start. for me, its hard enough to talk to a guy i don't know...put a woman in his place and i just glance at her every now and then, thinking about what to say, and not actually doing anything about it. i have no idea how to "break the ice" so to speak, and i clam up and get embarrassed when i show interest in someone.

 

quick story on how i met my ex...it was at an xmas party, and i was heavily intoxicated. stood her up the next day due to the massive hangover i had. did some chasing and the rest is history.

 

thats the extent of my social capability when it comes to women, and even then i was extremely nervous about what she may have said.

[teacup]

i

 

i don't even know where to start. for me, its hard enough to talk to a guy i don't know...put a woman in his place and i just glance at her every now and then, thinking about what to say, and not actually doing anything about it. i have no idea how to "break the ice" so to speak, and i clam up and get embarrassed when i show interest in someone.

 

quote]

 

Does this go for just about any person? or all women in general? or women you are interested in ?

 

Funny. I was talking to a guy at work and he seems like a nice guy. And I was teasing him about not running down the halls with scissors because he'll make a bloody mess on the floor. And he didn't say much. And I was like........AWW, he doesn't like me. (as a person) But mabe he is just shy??!

[WhatGives]

I think it is important for every individual to decide upon his or her own values, rather than let friends or even worse, SOCIETY, tell you what is right, wrong, hip, cool, outdated... etc...

 

If you value a commitment of some kind, and find unattached sex to be shallow or without meaning to you... then you should follow your own instinct and tell your friend to leave you be.

 

There is certainly NOTHING wrong with wanting a meaningful encounter opposed to a casual fling. If anything, you are more in touch with your wants and needs than maybe your friend is.

 

Often, not always, but often, people who engage in fleeting affairs are gap-filling for things that are missing in their lives... namely LOVE, security, etc. Physical pleasure is nice, but even better when coupled with love and companionship.

[jdheinold]

Does this go for just about any person? or all women in general? or women you are interested in ?

 

Funny. I was talking to a guy at work and he seems like a nice guy. And I was teasing him about not running down the halls with scissors because he'll make a bloody mess on the floor. And he didn't say much. And I was like........AWW, he doesn't like me. (as a person) But mabe he is just shy??!

 

i can typically get over any shyness when talking to a guy because i don't feel the added pressure of "how do i look to this person?" when i'm talking to a woman that i am attracted to however, thats where the shyness and anxiety kick it. i just plain don't know how to speak, and in turn become very self conscious and embarrassed.

 

as for your story, i'm not sure i'd have much to say either...maybe just laugh/smirk and keep running, not because i don't like you, but because i have nothing to add to the conversation. and if i found you attractive in any way, then i prolly wouldn't even look back for fear of being found out. thats just what i would do tho, and yeah, a large part of it would probably be shyness.

[teacup]

i can typically get over any shyness when talking to a guy because i don't feel the added pressure of "how do i look to this person?" when i'm talking to a woman that i am attracted to however, thats where the shyness and anxiety kick it. i just plain don't know how to speak, and in turn become very self conscious and embarrassed.

 

as for your story, i'm not sure i'd have much to say either...maybe just laugh/smirk and keep running, not because i don't like you, but because i have nothing to add to the conversation. and if i found you attractive in any way, then i prolly wouldn't even look back for fear of being found out. thats just what i would do tho, and yeah, a large part of it would probably be shyness.

 

So if i were to meet a shy guy could I do things to spook him? AHAHAHA. Im so wicked.

oh he wasn't running. he was just standing holding some scissors so i was kidding.

well, it's good u don't sleep around. i don't respect men that sleep around really casually.