there's a reason for this, right?

[-Hollywood-]

i can't take it anymore. this past year has been much too tumultuous for me to hold it all in now. i have to tell it to the world:

i am lonely. and i have been for a good eight months now. mind you, ever since the year started, 2006 has not been very kind to me, so i figure, well, it's part of the territory. but now i wonder, is there a reason for this loneliness? does it mean that a good person is just around the corner? or does it mean that i'm doomed to this existence for the rest of my life and these feelings are just a way of reminding me of how it's going to be forever?

and it's so complicated, too. i'm too shy around men so i don't date, and i can't date anyway because there are too many people out there who believe in "keeping their options open", and that scares me, so i don't even really try, and i'm so busy with school and my career that it's pretty much impossible to meet anybody, and i simply can't help but want to be wanted. then i keep going back and forth in my head about the whole thing---- do i want to put my heart out there to be stomped and trashed on all over again, because that's all that happened in the past, pretty much, or am i really ready to take that risk and give my heart and mind and soul openly and honestly to someone, unconditionally, wholeheartedly?

and none of this is making any sense to anyone out there i bet, but i just needed to get this all out. and all i want is to share my life with someone, and if i've been feeling this way for almost a year now, shouldn't it be an indication that something great is going to happen soon, or am i just kidding myself?

[Alabama]

As much as it is a need to want love, it is not good to stress about it. What can you do in your life to make yourself happy? I've found the best way to attract people as is to not stress over love, and concentrate on other things in life. That way your best qualities are showing and if someone is interested, than they will approach you. It is important not to think that just because your single, that it's the end of the world. Because it isn't. I suggest continue concentrating on your school work and career, and try to get involved in other things to make you happy. Don't get depressed over this, since that will simply make you feel worse.

[Kevin T]

Not always. Sometimes guys like a girl and will NOT approach her. Former living proof right here.

 

I can't really say to focus on other things because if it were that simple, you'd be doing that, right? I can work, go to school and be busy and still feel a big, empty void in my heart where someone is supposed to go. We're designed in such a way. Bandaids and gunshot wounds don't go together.

 

I'm sure there is a reason for your struggles, but whatever it is, I do not know. Perhaps you need to become the type of woman that a man would want to be with. Better yet, let me say: Perhaps you need to become the type of woman your future husband would want to be with. Become the woman that you think he would want first, then at least, you can be in a better position for when you DO meet.

 

E.g. let's say you would want him to want a girl who is happy, cheerful and optimistic. Being negative, depressed and down on life is only going to repel him, not attract him. I suppose self-improvement would be the best thing you could do for him - and yourself - at this juncture in your life.

 

And eight months is not very long to be lonely. I've done it for years and you can too!

 

Lastly, if you're NOT willing to put your heart out there and trust a guy, then you're not ready to get into a serious commitment with him either. You have to risk all in order to gain all. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, they say. It's true, you know.

[ocrob]

I say that you don't worry about meeting someone and they will probably show up. Yes, most people want to keep their options open, but when they meet the right person that all goes away. Just take things as they go. I have been dating a women for a while now and it has been very casual. I don't know if she is moving away or staying so I just don't get too attached and have a good time. She went from very non committal with plans to wanting to see me a lot more. I am just taking it how it comes. You can't shut yourself off to the world, but you can protect yourself until things seem right. Good luck.

[-Hollywood-]

i don't know guys..... i wish i could articulate myself better. all i'm saying is that every so often i just want to be wanted. then there's the even odder time that i feel ready for a real relationship, then it goes away and then it comes back and then it goes away and comes back and so on.... doesn't anyone ever get those back and forth feelings? if so, how do you deal with them? how can i be sure that i'm really ready? i can't help but feel this way, i really can't. i get so lonely and sad and all i want is to be wanted and all i need is to be held sometimes. that's not too much to ask is it?

[laurag]

I can fully understand what you are saying, Hollywood. I feel almost everything you said. It is scary and if it were so easy to just put your mind on other things than we would all be able to move on so easily. It's not that easy.

I have a story to tell that I cannot figure out and if anyone is willing to listen I'd like to post it on here. I wonder about the soulmate connection myself. Does it exist?

[-Hollywood-]

i'm listening

[laurag]

I posted most of it under this board under Here's my Story. I can't retype it all as I am at work but if you want to read it I would love some more input.

I'm so lonely though that I feel like I don't know where to turn anymore.