It's Day One- I need help

[amb1873]

My boyfriend and I broke up this morning. I don't know what to do with myself right now. I don't feel like I can even go on with my life without him in it- he was my best friend. I don't know if I should be alone or be with my friends. All of my friends are trying to be supportive but they'll say something and it just triggers the tears and emotions all over again. Some of my friends saw him at breakfast this morning and he announced to them that it was over- it was so concrete to hear he'd said the words out of his mouth. It's officially and finally 100% over and I just cannot convince myself of that. The sad part is is that we had just gotten back together a month ago and I thought things were going ok. But he told me that the 3 months we were apart he just "fell out of love" with me, and that now he doesn't love me. I love him more than I have ever loved another human being- how long with this pain last? And please does anyone have any suggestions for the best steps to take to move on past this or books to read or anything. I am so hopelessly full of despair right now I don't even want to live and I just want someone to tell me what to do.....

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'm sorry for your pain. I don't know of any good books but I bet there is someone out here who does.

 

Just wanted to say I'm sorry and I hope you begin to feel better and stronger soon.

 

-Tee

[kellbell]

Hi amb1873,

 

I am so sorry about what happened. I remember your post from about a month ago and even then, things were extremely shakey (I am not going to reiterate what was in your original post).

 

I feel you both gave it your best shot but he could not move past the things that were said and done between the two of you and third parties. And that is his choice. I am so sorry things did not work out.

 

I believe being with friends is what you need right now. It is not a great time to be alone at the moment. As far a books to read, I recommend "It Is Called A Breakup Because It Is Broken." I read that book after I broke up with my ex last year. It definitely put things in prospective. It is a quick read.

 

Hang in there. One day at a time and post here as often as you need.

 

(((hugs)))

[Psylocke960]

Hey amb1873. For one, this forum will help you in many ways imagineable. There are many others going through right now, have gone through or have gone past what you're experiencing at the moment. We all can offer some sort of advice to you.

 

The day my ex broke it off with me and told me that he was no longer in love with me as well...he might as well have just ripped my heart out of my chest. I thought it was a horrible nightmare. I thought I would wake up, he would be sleeping next to me as he always did and we would be the happy couple we always were. Nope, there was my reality check.

 

You will feel all the different emotions. Even emotions you never thought existed. The first week of our break up, for me at least, was the worst week of my life but it's eventually getting better (I'm in my 3rd week of our breakup). Hang in there and continue to write in this forum anytime. Believe me, I honestly don't think I could've gotten through it without the many support of people on here. We're all here for you!

 

I have already read this book called, "It's called a Breakup because it's Broken." It was informative but I found this forum much more so since I actually saw real people's lives I can interact with who were going through the same situations.

 

Keep yourself busy, hang out with friends and famiy, get a new hobby, take a long walk but do anything that will help alleviate this pain and give you time to heal. PM me if you ever just even need anyone to talk to.

[amb1873]

Thanks all so much- it's always more helpful (to me at least) to have feedback from people going through the same thing. My friends are WONDERFUL and supportive but most of them have incredible men in their lives, so I think it's hard for them to relate right now. I'm off to eat pizza and watch a movie with a couple of girls and I think that will really help.

 

I can't allow myself to hate him- I know he tried his hardest to make it work again. It's just so incredibly hard to hear someone tell you that they are not in love with you.

 

Anyone have any incredible success stories they could share about getting over an ex and the positive sides to being single. And how to meet new potetnial dates (although it's WAY too early in the process to deal with this right now!)

[searching1951]

Try reading "How to Recover when your Relationship Ends" by Bruce Fisher.

This is the best book for the long haul. I am so sorry to hear about it. It feels so familiar. I am going through a breakup that happened 3 months ago, with total NC for the past 2 months. Depression is inevitable, and it creates a loop of pain and anxiety that just festers for months and months. I wish there was an easy remedy..time is all you really have, and trying to avoid depressants, like alcohol and cigarettes (easier said than done), and get lots of sleep. Remarkably, I have found that sleep is possible and offers relief for me. The nightmare is waking up again. This forum will help you with encouragement and support.

[liltalian]

I know what you're going through, my boyfriend just recently broke up with on Memorial Day. What day to have a memory...remembering. On top we just got back from Vegas. I've been crying my eyes out for days, and trying to keep busy but only time will heal the wounds that I have inside. It hurts, and I've been down the road before and I don't wish it anyone.

 

Though I don't understand why he if wanted this to end. Why ask me text me and ask me how my weekend was? He's only playing with my emotions and its hard for me to ignore.

 

Though I know this door closed for a reason and that another will open, but I really thought he was one that I could share the rest of my life. I know others like you have felt the same.

 

I just pray that its gets better for you and others like us out there. It hurts, the nights and weekends are the worst. Can't sleep, thereforeeee I have to have sleep aid so I can get rest and push myself to work. Its hard, why do we have to go through this.. NO one deserves this, I mean no one.

[amb1873]

Also, I know that it varies for everyone, but with past heart-breaking relationships for people on here- how long can I excpect it to take to get over this "I don't see why life is worth living" phase? And how long generally should I wait before trying to start dating again? I know they say it gets better week after week but I'm sure there are always those mini-breakdowns that come out of nowhere.....

[kellbell]

Everyone heals at their own pace. There is really no timeline for things like that. I think it depends on the person, his/her personality, coping style and where they are on the stages of grief. Also, the level of support one gets and that it meets the needs of the person.

 

You will be okay, the beginning of anything is usually really hard. But allow yourself to experience all the emotions, try not to stuff them or sweep them under the rug. You do not want these emotions to pop up later and cause havoc on your life and future relationships.

 

Hang in there...keep posting here and keep talking to us.

[Beyondthesea]

Right now things are very very raw, within the next week or so you should see a small amount of improvement.

 

Be sure to spend time everyday grieving, and letting yourself be upset. This is normal and natural and needed.

 

I am rooting for you girl. The next month will be a growing experience for you, and you will be alright. Keep posting, we're here

[amb1873]

Thanks again y'all. I will keep you updated on my progress. I'm just going to try to keep myself as busy as possible to keep him off of my mind. I know I need to deal with the grief but sometimes it seems easier for me to just focus on other things in my life and forget the relationship even happened. I have learned a lot about what I want (and what I DON'T WANT) in my next relationship so I'm really trying to focus on that. Thanks so much for the support and I hope one day I will be able to offer the same words of encouragement back to others on here! This site is so great- I'm so happy I found it.

[kellbell]

Yes, definitely let us know how you are doing. There is so much support here and we will be glad to give it to you.