First contact with ex after five months.

[Alperionce]

Any thoughts?

 

 

*sigh* As I write this, I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions. I kept them in check. I was dancing at the bar, didn't know she was there.

 

 

She was playing pool, I only noticed because I had to go pass the pool area and get some paper tissues because I was so sweaty from dancing all night long.

 

I saw a friend of hers, that I sometimes say hi to. I said hi to him, and notice that she was standing there, but might have turned against my view. She turned toward me, and I did a discreet wave. I didn't want to ignore her, but I didn't want to act like everything was okay between us. I didn't want to appear weak, but not overly full of myself either. I kept walking with a smile after I barely acknowledge her.

 

 

She didn't say anything, but her facial expression had her lips pressed together, and kinda pulled to the side. I think it means something more thoughtful, sorrowful, or pity.

 

The important thing is I kept my composure. There was a guy next to her with an open cell phone. I'm not sure if shes giving her number. I didn't assume, but I kept notice.

 

Once I got back on the floor, I danced even harder, longer, and tried to have so much fun. I want her to know what a good guy she left behind. I acted like nothing phased me.

 

 

While I was dancing I caught a glimpse of her, walking on the outskirts of the dance floor. She was looking at me, cause my head snapped to where she was located before I even knew she was there.

 

 

She had her hands positioned where her left are was straight, and her right was holding where her elbow would be located. This position means from previous observations that she is thoughtful, and feeling me out, trying to gauge me. She was walking in to the other room. If there wasn't anyone in there than she was trying to approach me.

 

I didn't assume then, that she wanted to talk to me, for emotional reasons, I assumed that there were people in the other room. I checked later, and saw no one. I saw her, and she saw me, we looked at eachother for a brief period. And I turned, because I don't want to appear to be easily lured.

 

I kept dancing till we stopped. I said hi to my friends, not affiliated with my ex, but other friends and left. I passed by where she was. I didn't try to look at her.

 

Thats it.

 

 

Background of my ex in short terms. She gave me the "its not you, its me", and she could handle a relationship. She said that she cares for me, but needed time, when I went back to school she called me once, after that I was hurting too much, and I gave her a month of space and contacted her. She still was wishy washy, she put the away sign up on me, and I was like. I don't need that treatment. Said other things, but she blocked me for no apparent reason. And five months of time has gone by since I last contacted her.

 

Obviously, I was a good guy, my mom said I was needy. I'll be blunt. I don't know if I agree, but I don't like playing "the game" by playing hard to get, and not being always there. I was really good to her, if someone was good to me, I don't think in terms of wow, I'm all set, I feel too stable, I must leave.

 

 

I want her back, however, I will never ask her out. Thats not my job. I assume that shes been seeing someone, and that she hates me so I don't get myself down. To protect myself.

[ShaKe__]

Move on.After all,"it's not you,it's her".

[Alperionce]

Unfortunately I won't move on.

 

That is because I care for her, and I wish her to be happy. I will never show her that I stilll care because at this moment she doesn't want my affections, or deserve them.

 

Even if she doesn't care about me, It won't change how I feel about her, but just the way I act toward her.

 

 

I have done five months of NC, and there is a hole that sucks the life out of me. Some days the hole is less apparent.

 

In my heart I just want peace and reconcilation. I can't get that when she just leaves me. I can't understand what went wrong. Why she couldn't be strong enough to tell me the truth. And why she changed so much.

 

I may never know, and may never rest. I rather deal with the problem, then just cover it up with someone else. I like to tackle the problems head on. To fully learn this lesson in life.

 

I struggle to let go emotionally, and the reason is because I care.

[spiderman_56]

Feel free to care for her and to hold a special place for her in your heart but beware as your heat is not unbreakable and it's up to you to keep it sacred and away from useless painful emotions.

 

The past is the past, her choices were made and today is a new day ...embrace the future , learn from the harsh lessons and let it be peace.

[wk75]

I commend you on the way you handled it. good job. I would imagine because you handled it so well, it should help with closure. I also congratulation you (big time) for not contacting her during the 5 months. You are an inspiration to everyone. 3 months and counting myself....